Life in shambles

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dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
37,355
32,983
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Yesterday I had a decent life going. A wife, two kids, a well paying job and a nice little house in a quiet neighborhood. Tonight I will be sleeping in a run down motel room hoping no cockroaches chew their way into my luggage. Tomorrow, I have to go out and try to find another job in this terrible economy. How did I end up in this situation? I'll tell you.

My wife doesn't work so I have to provide for her and the kids. I didn't mind doing this, since I believe that it is a man's job to provide for his family. But lately she has been shopping more and more and buying more expensive clothing and jewelry, ever since I got a big raise last month. I knew she was materialistic going into our marriage, but I always believed she loved me more than my money. Well, I guess I was wrong. When i came home early yesterday to tell her I lost my job, she flew off the handle. She called me a loser and all sorts of other names. She trhew me out before I even knew what was happening, and told me to come back when I find another job. Why did I lose my job? I'll tell you.

Long story short, I was late to work yesterday. Now mind you, I have never been late to work before. I have always been an exemplary employee, which is how I earned the promotion last month. But yesterday was an important day. We were trying to land a huge client, one that would keep us in business for a long time to come. We had a meeting with them first thing and I was supposed to deliver our presentation. When I hadn't shown up 30 minutes after the meeting was scheduled, they left in a huff, and told my boss never to contact them again, as we had wasted their time. When I finally walked in, I could see the dissappointment in my boss' face immediately. He just pointed at the door and told me to 'get out!' I had basically ruined any chances at the company keeping its doors open. Why was I almost an hour late on such an important day? I'll tell you.

I was driving to work yesterday morning and noticed I was low on gas. No problem, I left 30 minutes early because I wanted to get to work early to prepare for my presentation. I pulled into a gas station and went inside to prepay. Went I pulled out my wallet, I noticed all my cash was gone and my credit and bank cards, too! My wife must have taken them to go shopping again, she does it a lot but she usually tells me first. Now I was already halfway to work (2 hour drive) so I couldn't just call her to have her bring them to me. I asked the clerk if he could take my license info and front me some gas, and I'd pay him back tomorrow but he said it was against company policy. So I got back in my car and headed back to the highway. I was at a red light and a car pulled up next to me. I honked the horn to get his attention so I could ask to borrow some gas money from him. He rolled down his window, turns down some annoying pop music that was blaring and asks me 'what's up?' I explained my situation and asked to borrow some cash but he said no. I even told him he could take down my license info but he still said no. I don't understand why, I drive a fairly new expensive SUV and I don't look like a thug. I was wearing a suit for crying out loud! Anyway, I just took off after the light turned green as I still needed to find a way to get some gas. But it was a small town and I didn't see anyone else on the road on the way to work. I got most of the way to work when I finally did run out of gas, so I had to walk the rest of the way.

So I guess this post is just to say 'Thanks Asshole!' to the guy that wouldn't spot me some cash. If he had, I probably would have paid him back double for being so kind. If I had landed the account I would have cut him a check for $1000 on the spot! Well that's what he gets for not helping someone out.

TL;DR cliffs:
Some obscure caucasian ruined my life.
 
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gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,741
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126
That's a lot of effort put in to this story... just to fail so badly

0/100000
 

KeithTalent

Elite Member | Administrator | No Lifer
Administrator
Nov 30, 2005
50,231
118
116
You fucker, you had me for a good chunk of that. :D

KT
 

Firsttime

Platinum Member
Mar 31, 2005
2,517
0
76
Gee, what an asshole that guy was. Seriously, what kind of douchebag would do something like that?

I'll add, you had me going into the 3rd paragraph haha. Longest parody ever.
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,741
456
126
and another failed parody thread hits atot.

After re-reading it I've decided I was a little too harsh, and it was actually better than some of the others.

I have increased my score to 1/100000... don't let it go to your head OP
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
37,355
32,983
136
After re-reading it I've decided I was a little too harsh, and it was actually better than some of the others.

I have increased my score to 1/100000... don't let it go to your head OP
Too late! :awe:
 

Crusty

Lifer
Sep 30, 2001
12,684
2
81
Stopped after the second 'let me tell you'. Terrible story telling, take a lesson from Ned and maybe this parody would have had a chance at being good.
 

Beev

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2006
7,775
0
0
Hey look, another useless parody. Do you write for The Onion? You're certainly unfunny enough to.
 
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