let it fall

[Tuktuk]

Originally posted by: Mrfrog840

Originally posted by: Tuktuk

Originally posted by: Mrfrog840
sorry if its just me, you sound possesive. you need to be more laid back IMO

Well he was about to make things serious so I can see why being blown off so she can hang out with her guys friends would be irritating. I think the urge to be possessive is there because he wants to know what is going on, if she takes it as seriously as him, etc. Being laid back is the thing to do, though. Either she likes him or she doesn't and that will show more clearly if he doesn't try too hard. I think even calling today was a mistake but as long as the OP doesn't make another call he is fine.

I wouldn't get mad at someone for "supposedly" doing something that I wasn't SURE of. all of this is hypothetical that this girl he is with, did or didnt do something with her friends. so, when he talks to her next time, and he finds out nothing happened, he will of overreacted. Or on the other hand, if she did do something that would come between them, then he was correct in his judgment...

My point is that this early on it is smarter to go with your instincts. Now I don't know the exact situation, but if a girl I'd been seeing went to a club with some guy that was trying to get with her, blew me off, and didn't call me back the next day, I would at least assume she wasn't as interested in me as I thought. Regardless of whether she fvcked him or not, its just not the attitude I would want from a potential girlfriend. This goes along with the whole "pressured into it" thing because that also leads me to think she is the kind of girl who will throw every excuse in the book at you and never give up the truth. Nobody gets pressured into hanging out, unless you are extremely weak minded which is just as bad of a trait.

I agree it could be nothing and he might be overreacting. I'm just saying it isn't unreasonable to be very cautious at this point. However the OP's idea of drinking if she doesn't call is very bad, because if she does call and you're drunk and alone, well you've sealed your fate right there.

edit: and I don't think anger has any part in this.. its just a matter of looking out for yourself. If she did fvck another guy (worst case scenario I guess), then thats her choice and move on.

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: D22
Well guys, it is now 2:17 pm...I have talked to 2 of my girl friends on the phone, and my ex (who still loves me as a friend) says she really is sorry for me and she will keep her fingers crossed for my sake...lol.

I haven't drank since new years, but I have a bottle of smirnoff and some good old tunes ready to soothe the soul if it comes down to it. It's about time to sing the blues. But hey, at least I'm not calling her like a puss I guess...

No, you're whining about it on some website like a puss.

 

[Suspicious-Teach8788]

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: D22
Well guys, it is now 2:17 pm...I have talked to 2 of my girl friends on the phone, and my ex (who still loves me as a friend) says she really is sorry for me and she will keep her fingers crossed for my sake...lol.

I haven't drank since new years, but I have a bottle of smirnoff and some good old tunes ready to soothe the soul if it comes down to it. It's about time to sing the blues. But hey, at least I'm not calling her like a puss I guess...

No, you're whining about it on some website like a puss.

Ok, and still he's probably ahead of 90% of ATOTers so let's leave it at that.

 

[zixxer]

Sorry man - girl I'm dating does that stuff a lot. IMHO it's just disrespectful, but some girls are just less 'needy' and therefore don't.. I dunno. Either way, I feel for you, and hope it works out. If it makes you feel better, I'm fairly confident my girl hasn't cheated on me, even when she's out with her friends all night.

 

[waggy]

oh man this is a great releationship! its going to last!

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: D22
Well guys, it is now 2:17 pm...I have talked to 2 of my girl friends on the phone, and my ex (who still loves me as a friend) says she really is sorry for me and she will keep her fingers crossed for my sake...lol.

I haven't drank since new years, but I have a bottle of smirnoff and some good old tunes ready to soothe the soul if it comes down to it. It's about time to sing the blues. But hey, at least I'm not calling her like a puss I guess...

The best course of action. Calling a lot is never a good thing. Just keep to yourself now, the time for truth will come later. If you call a lot, she'll get annoyed that you're obsessive. If you don't bother, she'll get worried that you don't really care, and she'll either confess to try and get a reaction, or she'll think about you more. Either way, you sort of win. In the mean time, don't get worked up and don't forget who you are.

 

[halik]

any updates?

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: waggy
oh man this is a great releationship! its going to last!

If you go into every relationship thinking it's going to last and devoting yourself to that idea, you'll be sorely depressed at the falling out of every single one of them. Relationships should be about the good times you have and the lessons you learn.

 

[LordMaul]

Originally posted by: JackRipper

Originally posted by: timswim78
Here's the deal. You need to let her know that you want to be in an exclusive relationship. DO NOT ask her about last night. She will tell you about it, eventually, maybe, or in 9 months.

9 months thing would sux lolz ... but since u guys aren't "exclusive"... no point in asking her unless u want ur relationship to be like that from now on...

It sux but have a lil intestinal fortitude and give her the benefit of the doubt... she will respect that you gave her some space... waaaay too early in the game for you to panic over something like that...

later on if it becomes a frequent thing then u need to clear up the matter... I have similar issues like this w/ my gf every now and then. in the end if it doesnt work out it doesnt work out... nothing u can do to make her make things work out...


JR

Er... Where would intestinal fortitude come into play, here? :Q

 

[eits]

ask her how her night went.

trust her.

her phone could have died on her... it happens. my phone dies at night whenever i don't charge it the day prior.

 

[LordMaul]

Originally posted by: D22
If it is the worse, then damn clubbing tonight would be a great dose of medicine, but I can't dance right now! DAMNIT! I did just buy a nice new shirt though, I mean I feel confident, I know I look good, etc...

:Q

Reminded me of this.

 

[HamSupLo]

man get a grip of yourself. If you ask her about and act all needy and clingy, it's not going to come across well. Be the man, act cool and just act like nothing happened. Chances are, nothing happened.

Be cool

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: waggy
oh man this is a great releationship! its going to last!

If you go into every relationship thinking it's going to last and devoting yourself to that idea, you'll be sorely depressed at the falling out of every single one of them. Relationships should be about the good times you have and the lessons you learn.

yeah.

and if you go into every relation ship like the OP you are doomed to be alone.

 

[Injury]

"together" for one month?

Better just call it quits now if you can't trust her at this point, because it's not going to get better or anything.

Religious or not, no matter how much a girl tells you the things you want to hear, she'll bang the next guy that looks at her if she wants to.

My point is that after a month, you still don't know a girl as well as you think you do and if you can't trust her to guy out with a few guys when she has no commitment to you then it's not likely to last.

 

[TanisHalfElven]

Originally posted by: D22
Scenerio: The girl I have been seeing for about a month is going out to a fight night w/ three guy friends. How serious are we? Well, let's just say I would consider it pretty wrong for her to sleep with someone else right now even though I was planning "that exclusive talk" for today or tomorrow.

Turns out the fight night is at a club. One of the guys I know was interested in her even though she made a point to tell me she wasn't into him and was acting like she was trying to get out of going all day until the 2 male friends guilt-tripped her into going. This girl is religious and again, gave me all the signs that "the talk" would be appropriate at this juncture...

Bottom line: While technically she still doesn't "owe me" anything, this is an impression I would go out of my way to avoid if I was ready to make a relationship exclusive. Yea, she could have been a passenger, left her phone at home, and slept on the couch somewhere, but anyway you cut it this makes you look BAD. She is 3 years older than me, so not like she doesn't know this...

What do I do? Pretend nothing happened and continue to go buy my flowers and give her "the talk" and use her reaction to figure out what happened last night? Ask her straight up? Hint around it and ask ambiguously and just see what she decides to reveal?

And to just think I could have went too if I had asked, but I wanted to give her some space since we had been all over each other the last few weeks. I guess if something happened, it's better to find out now and hurt a little instead of A WHOLE LOT later...I really like this girl, and I certainly THINK I know her. I always fall in love too quickly, even though I wouldn't give it QUITE that status yet.

My Instinct: Assume the worst - I would NOT have allowed myself to let this scenerio happen, no if's and's or but's about it...

The 11:20 Update

Yeah, her phone is most definitely off...I just left a very laid back message jokingly saying that I was checking if she was alive and that I hope she had fun and to give me a call about our plans this afternoon whenever she can...

It is now 11:15 AM...BTW, yes we have been sleeping together frequently, which is WHY I said I don't believe she should sleep with anyone else even if we aren't technically exclusive yet. It is a health issue, and if she did do it, then she should tell me whether she regrets it or not...That's my rule, I don't sleep with multiple people at the same time and I expect the same honestly...even outside of the health issue to me it's just not classy and I won't do it.

For those who are saying to be careful about being overly possessive, you just would have to be in my shoes. She throws a million compliments my way about how great of a guy I am, we went to church last sunday together, everything was aligning to say "let's be exclusive". But hey, I this is the price you pay for not having walls up. And no matter what happens, I'm going to leave my heart open for the next girl (if necessary). What is the point in playing the game if you rig it to the point no one can win?

so wait. she's religious and goes to the church. yet both of you are having pre marital sex. ehh

DOES NOT COMPUTE.

 

[spidey07]

Here's what you do....you've only been "casually dating" for a month. There is no relationship. None.

So treat it as such. She doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe any care about her well being. If she truly respected you she'd want you to come along for a good time. She chose something else. So basically you left your message of caring for her well being - you are done as far as action on your part. From now on she doesn't exist, if she calls then great...otherwise you are out doing bigger and better things with better women. It will eat her up inside if she actually cared for you. Otherwise chalk it up to "just another ho".

If there is some FUN going on the first thing to ones mind would be "hey, maybe the person I'm dating would enjoy it as well!" Heck, my girlfriend wanted me to go with her to Prom and homecoming - while I was apprehensive at first I figured she wanted me to be there for her so she could show me off. So I went.

Eitherway, this reads like a storybook case and if OP is smart he'll learn to recognize this kind of behavior and demand respect.

 

[skywhr]

Did she ever call?

 

[bamacre]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Here's what you do....you've only been "casually dating" for a month. There is no relationship. None.

So treat it as such. She doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe any care about her well being. If she truly respected you she'd want you to come along for a good time. She chose something else. So basically you left your message of caring for her well being - you are done as far as action on your part. From now on she doesn't exist, if she calls then great...otherwise you are out doing bigger and better things with better women. It will eat her up inside if she actually cared for you. Otherwise chalk it up to "just another ho".

If there is some FUN going on the first thing to ones mind would be "hey, maybe the person I'm dating would enjoy it as well!" Heck, my girlfriend wanted me to go with her to Prom and homecoming - while I was apprehensive at first I figured she wanted me to be there for her so she could show me off. So I went.

Eitherway, this reads like a storybook case and if OP is smart he'll learn to recognize this kind of behavior and demand respect.

:thumbsup:

 

[TallBill]

She called around 2:30...apparently was hit by a DD...was a passenger and didn't suffer too badly. Haven't seen her yet today but am probably going to at least try to stop by. Obviously this could be an excuse, but I am believing her until I can collect more info... and yea of course the phone was dead as suspected

Wont you feel like an ass, assuming its true.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: TallBill

She called around 2:30...apparently was hit by a DD...was a passenger and didn't suffer too badly. Haven't seen her yet today but am probably going to at least try to stop by. Obviously this could be an excuse, but I am believing her until I can collect more info... and yea of course the phone was dead as suspected

Wont you feel like an ass, assuming its true.

Probably. But that doesn't change anything, other than the fact that she couldn't call sooner.

 

[Tuktuk]

OP.. don't tell me you ended up drinking :laugh:

 

[her209]

She called around 2:30...apparently was hit by a DD...was a passenger and didn't suffer too badly. Haven't seen her yet today but am probably going to at least try to stop by. Obviously this could be an excuse, but I am believing her until I can collect more info... and yea of course the phone was dead as suspected

I don't buy it one bit. She was a passenger which meant she was with other people. You can't tell me their phones were dead too.

 

[D22]

well, what if I did partake in a shot or two to celebrate the news? lmao...who knows who knows At this point I've already gone to funny haha land because of what I said about not taking ****** too seriously...I'll update this again once I have more concrete news about the whole story...

EDIT - her209 - she doesn't have my number memorized, if her phone was dead she wouldn't be able to call me..

EDIT #2 - I won't see her tonight, but tomorrow we are going to church...stay tuned.

 

[daveymark]

she's a liar, dump her.

 

[Mill]

She's lying her ass off, and you won't admit it to yourself until it is too late. You will keep giving her chances.