Brutuskend
Lifer
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called, Sosumi.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . .
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing.
There are some things even a pig won't do.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
