• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

*Last Update (I hope) girlfreind tells me "we need to talk"

Page 5 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.


<< jlee75 Self fulfilling prophecy? not really sure i get it... And it seems like i let her rant an awful lot lately
It seems so wierd becuase its real easy for me be content in this relationship. Sure, it sucks being far away from her.. but the times i get to see her make all the waiting worth it. I'm happy knowing that i have her, and we're in love. And one day we will be together all the time. But she on the other hand.. is not content seeing me only a few times a month. She makes it sound sometimes like she needs to see me everyday in order to stay in love with me. Which i guess i understand.. I know she can do it though. >>



I know where you're gf's coming from; my bf and I are going to school about six hours apart too and I think sometimes that it's harder for me to deal with than it is for him. I'm not worried at all about him cheating on me - I know he never would. But it can get frusterating just to think it's that easy for him to be away from me. 🙂 I've ranted to him a few times about it and, thank goodness, he works on understanding and doing what he can to make it easier for me. Hopefully I can do something similiar for him sometime. Write her a lot, phone her as often as you can (sounds like you already do), and try to think up special little things you can do for her, through the US Postal service etc. For you, the fact that the relationshipis is enough. For her, the relationship may need to be happening to keep it the best it can be. You sound like a good guy; hope everything works out for you.
 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, so this morning i woke up and things were pretty good... then this afternoon i couldnt get ahold of her.. Talked to her a little before dinner and she seemed normal. Then about 30 minutes ago i was talking to her and asked her what she had been doing all day.
Turns out she went over to go hang out with this guy 'James'.. and she tells me that he's a "big fluffy guy" and she wanted to lay down in his lap. And then she tells me that he starts to put the move on her by touching her in "ways that she doesnt want to be touched"
So i'm like.. "uh. okay., Not to sound selfish but I dont really like the thought of other guys touching my girlfreind, especially not like that.. Why did were you laying in his lap in the first place?"
and then she accuses me of yelling at her.. which i had not done at all.. i mean we were talking on AIM.. i didnt even know you could yell.. and sure as h3ll wasnt trying to sound mean.. i just was a little uncomfortable with that idea.. especially with things as shakey between us as they are.

so then she is like.. i'm going out now. bye. And i tell her to wait, i want to call her and talk to her. But she says "why.. so you can yell at me more?" SO i tell her i love her, i'm not mad.. just worried about her and want to talk to her.. but she doesnt reply, then puts up an away message. So i call her and she wont answer the phone.

So now it comes to this.. I really dont think i can take this anymore. I do love her.. very much. But things just are not working with us right now. Maybe sometime down the road thigns will be better with us. But i think i want out of this relationhip. Here's the catch though. She is my bestfreind, and i've known her for a very long time and am very close with her family. I dont want to ruin our freindship or completely lose her.. but i dont think i can handle this relationship right now.

What should i do?
 
Turns out she went over to go hang out with this guy 'James'.. and she tells me that he's a "big fluffy guy" and she wanted to lay down in his lap. And then she tells me that he starts to put the move on her by touching her in "ways that she doesnt want to be touched"
So i'm like.. "uh. okay., Not to sound selfish but I dont really like the thought of other guys touching my girlfreind, especially not like that.. Why did were you laying in his lap in the first place?"
and then she accuses me of yelling at her.. which i had not done at all..

This is about as clear cut as it gets. You'll have to drop her now. I know you said you still love her, but you simply can't go on like this. It is undoubtedly just a matter of time before she is taking things too far with this guy - lying down on his lap is already too far.
 
Fvck man, no woman (or man) is worth this kind of trouble. If you want out, get out. Tell her how you feel, and that if she can't communicate better with you than she is doing now, it's over.

From what it sounds like, you've treated her well (the best you probably could have). Tell her it's over. That'll give her time to think about what you really mean to her and how well you've treated her.
 
I would tell her that you can't handle the way things are going, her being so far away and all, and that you can MAYBE understand her wanting to be close to some "there". But that she means a LOT to you and don't want your friend ship to end over this. Then CUT HER LOOSE.
It will get WORSE before it ever gets better at this point. Protect yourself and your feelings and get out now!!
 


<< This is about as clear cut as it gets. You'll have to drop her now. I know you said you still love her, but you simply can't go on like this. It is undoubtedly just a matter of time before she is taking things too far with this guy - lying down on his lap is already too far. >>


Skoorb, yeah this is pretty much my thought too.. I really don't want to have a real bad breakup with her though... How do i make this as painless as possible.. I know it make take time (or maybe not possible), but i'd like to keep her as a freind.
 
I would guess just explain to her that what she did was totally inappropriate and based upon how your relationship has been lately it speaks volumes about where her heart is. Anytime your conversation gets too elevated just tone it down and just be very reasonable saying that it is obvious to you that her heart is not where it should be and if she denies this you think she is merely kidding herself.
 
She sounds like she's feeling guilty about something.

Go lay down in some other girl's lap and see what she thinks about it.

Or better yet, just tell her that you can't handle it anymore, and you ARE GOING to end it. Be definitive. Don't say "I think I want to end it." Just be very clear and cut. If she really still wants you, then she'll start coming up with all the answers and explanations you want right quick. If not, then at least you're not getting screwed around anymore, and are not constantly wondering and stressing about your situation.
 
i Just talked to her roomate online.. Sounds like she went over to this guys apartment with some freinds to drink. I'm debating whether or not i should wait up for her (if she stays out late). I'm not really sure i'm going to want to talk to her if she comes back drunk though.
this whole thing is driving me crazy becuase i do want to be with her so badly.. i just cant take this stress anymore. this relationship cant be healthy. I'm real scared of losing her forever.. and i dont want that.
 


<< I would guess just explain to her that what she did was totally inappropriate and based upon how your relationship has been lately it speaks volumes about where her heart is. Anytime your conversation gets too elevated just tone it down and just be very reasonable saying that it is obvious to you that her heart is not where it should be and if she denies this you think she is merely kidding herself. >>



Skoorb gives good advice. Especially about keeping the conversation at an even down tone. If she freaks out, don't freak out back. Sorry stuff hasn't worked out for you. She doesn't sound like she's behaving in such a way that she's investing herself in the relationship and she wants you to make up the difference; not fair to you. I hope everything goes better from here on out.
 
Man, where does she get off telling you crap like that. Lay in another guy's lap? Classy thing to tell your b/f.

Fvck her, rhetorically. YOU end it cleanly right now because I'll give you odds she won't do even that much for you - if she can have both of you, why should she? End it and save yourself a LOT of heartache.
 


<< She sounds like she's feeling guilty about something.

Go lay down in some other girl's lap and see what she thinks about it.

Or better yet, just tell her that you can't handle it anymore, and you ARE GOING to end it. Be definitive. Don't say "I think I want to end it." Just be very clear and cut. If she really still wants you, then she'll start coming up with all the answers and explanations you want right quick. If not, then at least you're not getting screwed around anymore, and are not constantly wondering and stressing about your situation. >>



Actually that is a pretty good idea..tell her that you are going to go over to "Jen's house". You like going over there because she gives you that shoulder to lean on and all, plus she is really understanding and nice. She knows exactly what to say...plus she gives great back rubs too...You feel a little stiff now and need to get over there to let her work her magic....Nothing to worry about though, she has a boyfriend too, only he is 7 hrs away, plus she always keeps at least her bra and panties on while she is giving the strip tease to help you unwind...😉

Payback is a b!tch
 
dude..wtf kind of crap is this?? She goes to some guy's place and WANTS to lay down in his lap? And then to top it all off, he puts the moves on her but then she goes back there again to drink?

Don't mistaken your love for her for absolute abuse of your emotions! Grow a spine and do something about it! Seems like you've been taking this way too easy. If my gf told me this crap I would blow through the roof!
Do onto others as they do onto you!
 
Dude, this is pretty clear. Like everybody has said in the beginning of this thread, it sounds like she's trying to break up with you, but didn't want to come straight out and said it. She's told you another guy has hit on her and that she's interested in him ('big fluffly guy' that she wants to lay in his lap) to get YOU to dump her, that way she'll feel less guilty.

Dump her man. She's been sending you msgs all week, you've just been guilting her back to you, but how long is that going to last?
 
DON"T go to her house if she's been drinking. You'll get NOTHING good out of this. She'll either blow up in your face or start crying and whining about being sorry and it will never happen again, blah blah blah.

Just wait and talk to her tomorrow and get it sorted out. As mentioned below be very definitive about this. As bad as you may think it will be without her, it's worse continuing in a relationship with such a poor future.
 


<< Payback is a b!tch >>


hehe.. sorry.. i would like too, but i'm not that evil.

and Hotchic, I agree.. both you and skoorb have given some really good advice. Thanks for putting up with me through all this.
I still cant get over this feeling that breaking up with her is the wrong thing to do.. becuase i want to be with her so badly. I'm not really mad about her laying in some guys lap.. i know she had good intentions. Its just that this whole thing is way too stressful for me deal with while trying to keep up with school and the rest of my life.
 
Take it from me. Been there (sorta).

I had a g/f for three years in late highschool. She was a year older, and we were in love. The first year or so was great, but after that, we fought constantly, and she did VERY similar things to me that this girl seems to be doing to you. We managed to keep it going, and I was not happy at all. I was constantly stressed out and it seemed as though we were always trying to patch up little spats.

This went on for nearly two years, until we finally broke up. It sucked, but I am so glad that we finally did. I actually regret those two years because I missed out on so much going out with my friends, and for what? An unhealthy, stressful relationship.

Trust me, it's for the best.
 
Don't forget! Very few 40 year olds look back on their life and say "Man, I let that one go. Damn me!" Yes it happens, but with far less frequency than people who later look back and say "Man, I was such a fool. I thought she was a god and now my wife totally kicks her ass. Breaking up with her was the best thing ever." 😀
 


<<

<< Payback is a b!tch >>


hehe.. sorry.. i would like too, but i'm not that evil.

and Hotchic, I agree.. both you and skoorb have given some really good advice. Thanks for putting up with me through all this.
I still cant get over this feeling that breaking up with her is the wrong thing to do.. becuase i want to be with her so badly. I'm not really mad about her laying in some guys lap.. i know she had good intentions. Its just that this whole thing is way too stressful for me deal with while trying to keep up with school and the rest of my life. >>



Error in logic there. Whatever intentions she had by laying in his lap, her intentions in telling you that she wanted to were not good. And if he started 'touching' her, she should have stopped him then and there, preferably with a sharp slap. That she apparently let him was a really bad move on her part. She's not behaving appropriately for a non-single girl and her actions show a don't-care attitude about you and your relationship. If you don't think that's what's going on, you know her, we don't, so make your choices. But if this is behavior that she refuses to fix, it's a problem. Don't let yourself in for it by letting her walk on you. A relationship is a two-fold responsibility and she needs to do her part if she expects you to do yours.
 


<<

<< Payback is a b!tch >>


hehe.. sorry.. i would like too, but i'm not that evil.

and Hotchic, I agree.. both you and skoorb have given some really good advice. Thanks for putting up with me through all this.
I still cant get over this feeling that breaking up with her is the wrong thing to do.. becuase i want to be with her so badly. I'm not really mad about her laying in some guys lap.. i know she had good intentions. Its just that this whole thing is way too stressful for me deal with while trying to keep up with school and the rest of my life. >>



Do you think she would have a problem with you laying in some girls lap? I thought so..You are in love with her, she see's this and uses you.
 
Just a guess on my part but if she hasn't allready slept with him (And my guess is she has) she is going to soon! (probably tonight!)

End it now. As pleasantly as you can. Tell her you understand her actions TO A POINT but that it's not something you can or will put up with. Tell her that your ending it now so that hopefully her actions will not kill your friendship.
Understand that she's far away from home, lonely and young. Your not the first this has happend to, and you won't be the last!

As much as this hurts you now, if you don't end it tonight, it will hurt you MUCH more in the future!
 
Hotchic... yeah.. i guess 'having good intentions" was the wrong choice of words. When she told me what happened while she was at his place she made it sound like she just wanted to lay down on his lap and when he touched her she didnt like it. SHe didnt say anything about stopping it.. but I just assumed she stopped him. (could be wrong) ANd.. that doesnt make the fact that she was laying in this guys lap right in the first place, she shouldnt put herself in these kind of situations. I guess i figured if she had done it with bad intententions she wouldnt have told me about it.
I really dont know what to think anymore.


<< Don't forget! Very few 40 year olds look back on their life and say "Man, I let that one go. Damn me!" Yes it happens, but with far less frequency than people who later look back and say "Man, I was such a fool. I thought she was a god and now my wife totally kicks her ass. Breaking up with her was the best thing ever." >>


very true Skoorb.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top