last fling before getting marry?

[MichaelD]

part of the definition of marriage is being faithful. but that's what DIFFERENTIATES it from being NOT MARRIED. so by definition, you can't be unfaithful if your NOT MARRIED

You're correct, PlatinumGold, but that's kinda splitting hairs, isn't it? I mean, cheating on your spouse-to-be a week before getting married is morally the same thing as doing it after marriage. A court of law, however, would view it differently, that's for sure.


MichaelD<--never getting married b/c I don't want to lose all my meager possessions in the divorce proceedings.

A buddy of mine went thru a very bitter divorce. His wife fought for custody of his comic book collection (worth about $5K!) tools and other personal stuff. She got most of it. Pawned it all for like 25% of it's worth, then TOOK PICS of the stuff sitting in a pawn shop display case and email the pics to my buddy. He almost shot her. I would've. I am NEVER getting married....without an iron-clad prenup, anyway.

 

[PlatinumGold]

I'm reminded of something someone said to me once, "Love doesn't divide, it multiplies." And that seems true in every case except the Spouse. Now, I grant you any "rule" can have an exception. But there is usually a good reason for it. Why is the spouse the exception to this rule?
If you are christian and the bible says so (I don't know if it does or not, I haven't had time to read the bible yet, though I hope to after I grad), then I accept that for you. Why is this the exception for non-christians though?

interesting post.

for me tho, the love that holds my wife and i together is one of staying together. For me anyway, it's always been difficult to open myself up to someone the way that i have to my wife. I've always felt if my wife was somehow taken from me, i don't think i'd ever marry again, because i would find it too difficult to make that kind of commitment to someone again. i've always been a bit of a loner, no roommates in college, etc. So it's that one to one long term commitment that i find so amazing w/ my wife.

with my kids (i have 3 btw) for me, love for them is pushing them away. from their inception the whole role of the parents is to separate that living being from themselves. first the mother pushes them out of the womb. then you push them away one step at a time. the whole process of GROWING up is being pushed away from that which is comfortable for you. So yes, you can love many children but it's all different.

Love for a spouse is one of long term commitment. its one of holding on and staying together.

this may sound like a contradiction to what i posted earlier, but in my mind it isn't. physical pleasure and LOVE are not the same thing. the LOVE that one has for a spouse can INCLUDE physical pleasure but it is SOO MUCH MORE.

 

[SaltBoy]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

If you're gonna be unfaithful right before you're married, who says you're gonna be faithful after you're married?

How is it being "Unfaithful" if your not married yet?? did i miss something?

My wife was not the first sexual encounter of my life. does that mean that I was unfaithful to her, even though those encounters were well before I even met the woman that became my wife?? so where do you draw the line. would it have been unfaithful if i had sex w/ another woman After I met my wife? or does it have to be sex with another woman After i started DATING my wife?

part of the definition of marriage is being faithful. but that's what DIFFERENTIATES it from being NOT MARRIED. so by definition, you can't be unfaithful if your NOT MARRIED.

When I said "right before you're married," I meant the engagement period. When you're committed to be married, faithfulness plays a big part in the relationship. Sure, it's worse if you're unfaithful AFTER you're married, but being unfaithful when you're engaged doesn't give you a "get out of jail free" card, either.

 

[PlatinumGold]

When I said "right before you're married," I meant the engagement period. When you're committed to be married, faithfulness plays a big part in the relationship. Sure, it's worse if you're unfaithful AFTER you're married, but being unfaithful when you're engaged doesn't give you a "get out of jail free" card, either.

OK then to keep the spirit of the question consistent with you definition.

how about a last fling before the engagement??

 

[SaltBoy]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

When I said "right before you're married," I meant the engagement period. When you're committed to be married, faithfulness plays a big part in the relationship. Sure, it's worse if you're unfaithful AFTER you're married, but being unfaithful when you're engaged doesn't give you a "get out of jail free" card, either.

OK then to keep the spirit of the question consistent with you definition.

how about a last fling before the engagement??

Well, I guess that would be fine, if I thought pre-marital sex in general was okay.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: .paldo
Would you have one before getting marry? Just talk to one of my friend and she said she want it to be sandwiched by 2 guys before she get marry. I laugh my ass off thinking she can't be serious but who knows.

I think it's disgusting and downright disrespectful [if you are already engaged]. If you love this person that you are going to marry, and respect them, you wouldn't even think of such a thing...let alone go through with it.

I'd call the wedding off in a minute if my fiance were to actually DO something like that.

yes

 

[PlatinumGold]

Well, I guess that would be fine, if I thought pre-marital sex in general was okay.

LOL.

i guess there is no "get out of jail" card for you huh.

 

[CrazyDe1]

Theres always going to be an attraction to other people...hell if I'm w/ someone I still check out a hot chick walkin down the street...the difference is if you're committed and you love the person you're not going to want to act on it...
She sounds like she was joking...just a mindless comment thrown out cuase most people don't think about what they're saying...but if she wasn't and she really wants to act on it and shes engaged..I'd slap a bia around

 

[SaltBoy]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Well, I guess that would be fine, if I thought pre-marital sex in general was okay.

LOL.

i guess there is no "get out of jail" card for you huh.

Fortunately, I'm already married, so I don't have to worry about making decisions regarding fidelity and such. That little ring on my finger tells me everything I need to know.

 

[Lola]

...um....NO

 

[Noriaki]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGoldfor me tho, the love that holds my wife and i together is one of staying together. For me anyway, it's always been difficult to open myself up to someone the way that i have to my wife. I've always felt if my wife was somehow taken from me, i don't think i'd ever marry again, because i would find it too difficult to make that kind of commitment to someone again. i've always been a bit of a loner, no roommates in college, etc. So it's that one to one long term commitment that i find so amazing w/ my wife.

That seems a reasonable answer, and I understand it personally. I'm a loaner to, and can completely see where you are coming from.

Good return by the way

While I personally agree with the one mate for life idea, I don't know that it is the only way things could work. I can see alot of potential alternatives, and except for north america cultural taboo, I don't see anything wrong with them.

I'm honestly just trying to stir things up a bit.

 

[VTrider]

Originally posted by: CrazyDe1
Theres always going to be an attraction to other people...hell if I'm w/ someone I still check out a hot chick walkin down the street...the difference is if you're committed and you love the person you're not going to want to act on it...
She sounds like she was joking...just a mindless comment thrown out cuase most people don't think about what they're saying...but if she wasn't and she really wants to act on it and shes engaged..I'd slap a bia around

I disagree. I agree that there is always going to be an attraction, but I also agree that even if your committed and you love the person that doesn't erase your human instints to 'act on it'. If your committed and you love your partner, your 'not' going to act on it, but you might still 'want' to act on it.

-VTrider (in touch with his own humanity)

 

[Danman]

Originally posted by: Ameesh
whip it out

Werd.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: bigrash9
hmm, give me your friend's number and I'll get to the bottom of her...i mean it...yeah, bottom of it.

hmmmmm.....I give it a 5 out of 10

 

[Hooligan]

yum, sandwich, which reminds me... i'm hungry

 

[sandorski]

Originally posted by: .paldo
Would you have one before getting marry? Just talk to one of my friend and she said she want it to be sandwiched by 2 guys before she get marry. I laugh my ass off thinking she can't be serious but who knows.

Well, since the above statement is a little vague on whether the friend is engaged or even seeing anyone steady, it's very likely that the meaning of the statement was not meant to mean sometime between engagement and the marriage date. It sounds to me that she plans on(or more likely half seriously fantasizes about) doing such an action while she is still single and not after finding the one who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

 

[Mustangrrl]

Originally posted by: AmusedOne
I'm usually merry after a fling... not before.

Well said, well spoken LOL

Cheating on your betrothed is just as bad as cheating on your spouse because at that point you're in a committed relationship. I have morals and a conscience though -- what's so bad about getting freaky with just one person at a time?
~robyn

 

[Type-R]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
I don't necessarily agree with it, or condone it, but I at least understand where she is coming from with it. Last fling. Last hurrah. Last chance to get that wild, crazy itch scratched. It's better to get it out of the way before you get married, than it is after you get married.

Not a popular opinion, but an honest one.

agreed on both your posts