Just tell her you were thinking about your future. Tell her you obviously care about her because you didnt end up going. How serious is this relationship to you? Do you think about marriage?
Just tell her you were thinking about your future. Tell her you obviously care about her because you didnt end up going. How serious is this relationship to you? Do you think about marriage?
I can't give you advice based on what you've said so far. Please give more specific information regarding her complaints and I'll give any advice I can. I haven't flamed you or her.
Serena
Ok, my guess is that you guys are young.
It is my my experience that the biggest complaint of a young woman in a relationship is that the guy doesnt pay enough attention to her, tied with he is not romantic. If you love each other, and are in a commited relationship, then yes.... you fvcked up big time but making a decision that directly affected her life without discussing it with her first. That is not only an ego buster for her, but is really disrespectful of you. That is not high maintenience, it is wanting to be treated like she matters.
Where you go from here...???
Well, you reversed your decision. That should show her something... like you may have fvcked up, but are not a bad hearted guy. She will probably need to sulk a bit more and punish you a bit longer, but if you are delicate and caring, she should come around.
Talk to her, ask her to tell you specifically what it is that she wants. Tell her that you need her to give you examples and details of what she wants... if she replies with something like 'if you love me, i wouldnt have to tell you"... well, that is kinda immature and not fair. After all, you are not a mind reader, not born with the instincts of a woman and that you are more than willing to give it a serious go, but she needs to be open, honest and fair in telling you what she wants.
Expecting you to know what she wants is like expecting a cat to be a dog... which is pretty much how men and women look at things... one cat, one dog both wondering why the other doesnt know how to behave like each other.
Good Luck!
It is my my experience that the biggest complaint of a young woman in a relationship is that the guy doesnt pay enough attention to her, tied with he is not romantic. If you love each other, and are in a commited relationship, then yes.... you fvcked up big time but making a decision that directly affected her life without discussing it with her first. That is not only an ego buster for her, but is really disrespectful of you. That is not high maintenience, it is wanting to be treated like she matters.
Where you go from here...???
Well, you reversed your decision. That should show her something... like you may have fvcked up, but are not a bad hearted guy. She will probably need to sulk a bit more and punish you a bit longer, but if you are delicate and caring, she should come around.
Talk to her, ask her to tell you specifically what it is that she wants. Tell her that you need her to give you examples and details of what she wants... if she replies with something like 'if you love me, i wouldnt have to tell you"... well, that is kinda immature and not fair. After all, you are not a mind reader, not born with the instincts of a woman and that you are more than willing to give it a serious go, but she needs to be open, honest and fair in telling you what she wants.
Expecting you to know what she wants is like expecting a cat to be a dog... which is pretty much how men and women look at things... one cat, one dog both wondering why the other doesnt know how to behave like each other.
Good Luck!
Wait you change some hugee plans and she isn't even happy...what the hell lol...Damn, that's ridiculous...what is wrong with women :laugh:
Linflas
Lifer
- Jan 30, 2001
- 15,395
- 78
- 91
Sorry I have no answers but for all you folks dumping on the girlfriend did you miss the above in the OP? If you are that deeply involved with someone it is not unreasonable for them to expect for you to at least discuss something this drastic rather than presenting it as a done deal.
i can only speak from inexperience but maybe there is a prospect of getting married here. maybe OP feels that if he takes a risk, (not moving) then maybe that risk will reap a great benefit (being together with someone for a long long time and having kids and stuff). But making that decision to move without her was pretty stupid, were you totally not thinking about her? or were you telling yourself you have to think about yourself first? i think looking at that you will find out what the problem is. maybe you wanted her to get mad at you, maybe you don't see yourself with her in the future and you figured this would be the best way to break up with her, without really breaking up(saying its a distance/work related thing). but again I don't know much about women.
But now that you are here, my only advice is that whenever my girlfriend gets mad at me it takes time for things to get better. Just ALWAYS be around to accept he forgiveness if she ever does, because she is going to test you to see if you are going to run away. Just a thought.
But now that you are here, my only advice is that whenever my girlfriend gets mad at me it takes time for things to get better. Just ALWAYS be around to accept he forgiveness if she ever does, because she is going to test you to see if you are going to run away. Just a thought.
vshah
Lifer
- Sep 20, 2003
- 19,003
- 24
- 81
speaking from youngish experience (i'm 18) i'd say take a long hard look at whether you WILL actually change for this girl, and whether or not that is a good thing. Last year, at the end of high school, i was madly in love with this girl, and considered waiting a year before going to college just so i could be with her. I didn't take a year off, because as much as I loved her, i knew that the relationship would never really go anywhere.
Point of my story, is be sure you know what you want from this girl and be very realistic in whether or not you can achieve that before you change your life for her.
-Vivan
Point of my story, is be sure you know what you want from this girl and be very realistic in whether or not you can achieve that before you change your life for her.
-Vivan
Papagayo
Platinum Member
- Jul 28, 2003
- 2,303
- 24
- 81
Prove to her that you love her and is willing to change..
Cut off your pinky finger and give it to her and tell her that this is way of you showing how much you love her.. (Pinky finger isn't useful anyways..)
Make sure you cut your finger off when she is present...
Then, she will know that you truely love her.
For more proof.. draw a heart on a wall with the blood that is gushing out of your hand..
If you don't do this, then you don't really love her as much as you think you do..
Cut off your pinky finger and give it to her and tell her that this is way of you showing how much you love her.. (Pinky finger isn't useful anyways..)
Make sure you cut your finger off when she is present...
Then, she will know that you truely love her.
For more proof.. draw a heart on a wall with the blood that is gushing out of your hand..
If you don't do this, then you don't really love her as much as you think you do..
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
- 126
wow KarenMarie knows what she's talking about and it's obvious. I found myself agreeing with everything she said... maybe that makes me metrosexual... or that I've had a few of these spats myself.
The one thing in this thread I constantly don't agree with is the throwing her to the curb talk... people just take their own experience and apply it to this situation. Not every girl / relationship is the same. Ragging on her without knowing the full story is also uncalled for.
The one thing in this thread I constantly don't agree with is the throwing her to the curb talk... people just take their own experience and apply it to this situation. Not every girl / relationship is the same. Ragging on her without knowing the full story is also uncalled for.
Azraele
Elite Member
- Nov 5, 2000
- 16,524
- 29
- 91
I can see why she was upset to begin with, but what happens if she refuses you and you don't get take up the offer because you wanted to work things out with her?
One other question, when she has complained that you were "neglecting us" in the past, was she making an effort to go forward with the relationship or was she passive waiting for you to make the move? A couple = two.
Other than that, if you want to make things up to her, make an effort to communicate more (especially since her big beef now is with your lack of communication about the offer), and make an effort to further the relationship based on how you both feel.
One other question, when she has complained that you were "neglecting us" in the past, was she making an effort to go forward with the relationship or was she passive waiting for you to make the move? A couple = two.
Other than that, if you want to make things up to her, make an effort to communicate more (especially since her big beef now is with your lack of communication about the offer), and make an effort to further the relationship based on how you both feel.
Sounds kinda clingy.. and seems like she is a backup default. why don't you try breaking up with her and see how things go...
If you are miserable... then get her back dawg!
If you are happy...mosel mosel, good things!
If you are miserable... then get her back dawg!
If you are happy...mosel mosel, good things!
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