not sure where you two are getting off thinking that I feel like I am owed something. Clearly I realize working for a large company is for fools. I do not plan on spending my life making chump change while a bunch of rich white guys collect millions off the sweat of my labor.
You think the other "chumps" are owed more than they're making in those large companies? You think their compensation is inadequate?
Let's lighten things up just a tad.
Here's why you don't want to get in the habit of bad mouthing co-workers (or joining in those conversations) :
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/officeparty.html
direct -> http://media2.big-boys.com/bbfiles/officeparty.wmv
Here's why you don't want to get in the habit of bad mouthing co-workers (or joining in those conversations) :
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/officeparty.html
direct -> http://media2.big-boys.com/bbfiles/officeparty.wmv
mugs
Lifer
- Apr 29, 2003
- 48,920
- 46
- 91
Also, don't crap your pants in a meeting: http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...hreadid=1392137&enterthread=y&arctab=y
Good advices, but the reality is, most of people will not follow these until they experience them themselves.
One step further... don't believe other people when they tell you that you are over-dressed.... oftentimes they are just undressed slobs. You don't need to wear a suit everyday unless your job says so, but don't be afraid to wear a tie or just flat out look damn good.
Especially if you are in design of some sort... get with your co-workers and co-ordinate your dress styles. Wearing colors that represent your company and looking just like your co-workers go a long way to clients. They don't just look at what you're presenting, they look at you.
Be bold. You don't have to wear white/blue just because it's common. Dash things up with red or yellow from time to time. Stand out!
mugs
Lifer
- Apr 29, 2003
- 48,920
- 46
- 91
I used to get that a lot when I first started my current job. Some of my co-workers wear jeans, untucked shirts and sneakers every day. I don't dress so nice as to stand out, but I wear nice khakis, polos, casual shoes (not sneakers)... if I have a meeting with an executive (small company, so I do pretty often), I'll wear nicer pants and a dress shirt.
My reason for dressing a notch above my coworkers is that I'm 23, and I think I'd take a young person more seriously if they didn't call attention to their age by dressing like a kid. Plus, I feel good when I look good, and the girlfriend likes it when she sees me after work.
CEO of my company made 82 million dollars in bonuses last year. meanwhile the worker bees get bullshit pay and raises that barely cover inflation
i dont work for myself yet....like i said i dont plan on spending my life in the corporate machine selling my soul day after day. Thank god for capitalism, when I have more stability I can set off on my own.
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
Good contributions to the thread, I'll throw in a couple more.
You can get a lot done if people trust you. Make your word your bond. If people trust you, you can avoid a lot of red tape. Example: the rule is that I can't buy anything without filling out some form and going through the Purchasing department. Sometimes that takes a couple days. This is to prevent people from being unethical with the company funds. My boss and the people in Purchasing know I'm as good as my word, so if I have an emergency I just buy what I need myself, tell them it was an emergency, and get reimbursed. That's totally against the rules but because people know I'm honest, they let me. In return, I get things done faster which makes me look good. If you have to work with vendors, same thing applies. If they know they can trust you, you can get things done faster.
Keep a record of what your accomplishments are over the year. Your boss probably has to do a performance evaluation once a year (or more) and bosses hate doing them. What you should do is, about a month before the boss has to give you the evaluation, write up your self-evaluation, making sure to include the accomplishments of the time period being covered. Be honest and point out the bad as well as the good - it won't kill you to show the boss you recognize your weak areas, and everyone has them. I will bet you even money that if you do that, 90% of what you wrote will find its way into your official evaluation because your boss will be thrilled you saved him all that work. Your rating will be higher than it would have been. This really works.
You can get a lot done if people trust you. Make your word your bond. If people trust you, you can avoid a lot of red tape. Example: the rule is that I can't buy anything without filling out some form and going through the Purchasing department. Sometimes that takes a couple days. This is to prevent people from being unethical with the company funds. My boss and the people in Purchasing know I'm as good as my word, so if I have an emergency I just buy what I need myself, tell them it was an emergency, and get reimbursed. That's totally against the rules but because people know I'm honest, they let me. In return, I get things done faster which makes me look good. If you have to work with vendors, same thing applies. If they know they can trust you, you can get things done faster.
Keep a record of what your accomplishments are over the year. Your boss probably has to do a performance evaluation once a year (or more) and bosses hate doing them. What you should do is, about a month before the boss has to give you the evaluation, write up your self-evaluation, making sure to include the accomplishments of the time period being covered. Be honest and point out the bad as well as the good - it won't kill you to show the boss you recognize your weak areas, and everyone has them. I will bet you even money that if you do that, 90% of what you wrote will find its way into your official evaluation because your boss will be thrilled you saved him all that work. Your rating will be higher than it would have been. This really works.
edro
Lifer
- Apr 5, 2002
- 24,326
- 68
- 91
Survival Guide for Pooping At The Office
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a poop at work:
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a poop at work:
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
thase are words of wisdom from the OP... all of it is true, especially in my workplace.
-=bmacd=-
-=bmacd=-
squirrel dog
Diamond Member
- Oct 10, 1999
- 5,564
- 48
- 91
I've got to say everything you said was 100% on-the-money. I've been working in an office envorinment now for 4 months, and you're right on.
Another HUGE bit of advice, that's sadly true: It's not WHAT you know, it's WHO you can get to like you. Chances are that your bosses are dumber than you, but market themselves the best.
And to this quote: You sir, are 100% correct. Work sucks and there's no way around it
- Oct 28, 1999
- 62,484
- 8,345
- 126
Probably the single hardest thing I've had to guard myself against is getting involved in office politics. In smaller offices it's really easy to notice. You'll see different factions or alliances formed between various coworkers/groups. And they'll try and leverage you into an "us or them" mentality. You have to take a nuetral stance and be objective in your decisions.
Just this year, there was this little click of hens that formed. They would get together and have little chit chat sessions behind closed doors and bad mouth other coworkers, they'd take extended lunches and complain about work, they'd get work done for each other before they'd do things for other people.
Management finally got fed up with it and fired all 4 of them.
You also have to realize that in these small environments, you are never REALLY out of the office, even though you aren't physically there. I've been at cookouts with coworkers where some of my coworkers got totally bombed out of their mind and spouted off some stuff that came back to haunt them in the office.
I hate to say it, but in those situations, you have to be very guarded and protect yourself from getting into positions that can compromise your neutrality.
I understand that making alliances with other people can protect you or get you a couple promotions, but ultimately you work for the company and are only allied with them. Eventually your intra-office politics are going to come in conflict with your job and you're going to get dumped because you are too busy CYA'ing yourself and not concentrating enough on actually working and beinig productive.
Just this year, there was this little click of hens that formed. They would get together and have little chit chat sessions behind closed doors and bad mouth other coworkers, they'd take extended lunches and complain about work, they'd get work done for each other before they'd do things for other people.
Management finally got fed up with it and fired all 4 of them.
You also have to realize that in these small environments, you are never REALLY out of the office, even though you aren't physically there. I've been at cookouts with coworkers where some of my coworkers got totally bombed out of their mind and spouted off some stuff that came back to haunt them in the office.
I hate to say it, but in those situations, you have to be very guarded and protect yourself from getting into positions that can compromise your neutrality.
I understand that making alliances with other people can protect you or get you a couple promotions, but ultimately you work for the company and are only allied with them. Eventually your intra-office politics are going to come in conflict with your job and you're going to get dumped because you are too busy CYA'ing yourself and not concentrating enough on actually working and beinig productive.
People always ask why I keep a spare pair of boxers jammed in my laptop back.
Two reasons; so I don't have to put the same ones back on if I end up spending the night, eh. "Somewhere." The second is that scenario. And FTR, I did it twice in one morning once, but I was VERY sick and in bed, not at work/school, bahahahaha.
i think this may be a good thing about me, i hardly miss any days at all at school
good time to post this list as well
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