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just had the last fight with my wife

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THE SOLUTION IN ANY RELATIONSHIP IS COMMUNICATION.

Talk to her about it, dont make a decision so quickly.

Think of all the good times with her, and push a way the FEW bad times you probably had.

just TALK TO HER and try not to be rude, try and be calm.

Everything will work out fine, and you will thank me later on.

Think of the child also, is really screws a kid up to have seperated parents, my aunt and uncle broke up and it was HELL for them, they KEPT fighting and the kid was going crazy. shes 10 and is probably already thinking of smoking etc. errrrr

TALK TO HER. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: faZZter
To all guys:

Please do not get married before you're at least 30.

Thank you.
Click to expand...

No, then you'll be too old for your kids. It eats balls having old parents, let me tell you.
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Would you rather your parents be older and married, or younger and separate, which would mean you grew up in a broken home?

Your 30's are the perfect time to have kids. That way, they'll grow up and be done with college while you're still in your early 50's, which isn't that old these days.



 
That sounds just like my mom. She put my dad and my siblings through hell with her "expenditures" before my dad went through with a divorce. It's better to cut her loose now!
 
Originally posted by: WarDemon666
THE SOLUTION IN ANY RELATIONSHIP IS COMMUNICATION.

Talk to her about it, dont make a decision so quickly.

Think of all the good times with her, and push a way the FEW bad times you probably had.

just TALK TO HER and try not to be rude, try and be calm.

Everything will work out fine, and you will thank me later on.

Think of the child also, is really screws a kid up to have seperated parents, my aunt and uncle broke up and it was HELL for them, they KEPT fighting and the kid was going crazy. shes 10 and is probably already thinking of smoking etc. errrrr

TALK TO HER. 🙂
Click to expand...

 
You might as well move in with your in-laws. Because when you get divorced, you are going to end up at home with your parent's anyway. She sounds like the type that will take you for everything you're worth. You're going to end up paying off her credit card bills AND paying her money to sit on her ass at home to boot.
 
I've heard several of stories about a wife running up insane debt on credit cards without the husband knowing. If they somehow managed to get the debt paid off, the wife always did it again. Divorce was the only solution at that point.

You should try to get your wifes credit reports. She might have cards that you don't even know about.
 
You need an after-fight conversation with her (when you're both calm and over what has happened last time) before you decide divorce is really best... especially since you have a child.

I don't know how someone cannot control their spending especially if its for shopping. This is basically marriage/lifestyle (living with inlaws?!) vs. shopping. :roll:
 
Like some have mentioned here, I too agree that people choose the easier option(divorce) wayyyy to quickly.

When I got married, one of my aunts told me something that deserves to be said here:

It is very easy to break a glass flower vase...throw it on the floor...BUT..it is immensley difficult to make it.

Just like that, a marriage is easy to break up, but immensley more difficult to sustain.

Oh, and don't just think about your own self...you have a 7 year old too think about too...

my 2 cents.
 
Originally posted by: rh71
You need an after-fight conversation with her (when you're both calm and over what has happened last time) before you decide divorce is really best... especially since you have a child.

I don't know how someone cannot control their spending especially if its for shopping. This is basically marriage/lifestyle (living with inlaws?!) vs. shopping. :roll:
Click to expand...

exactly!

TALK TO HER!!!!!!
 
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: faZZter
To all guys:

Please do not get married before you're at least 30.

Thank you.
Click to expand...

No, then you'll be too old for your kids. It eats balls having old parents, let me tell you.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm 19 and my parents are at 50. That was bad enough for me.... and I'm the oldest sibling of 5.
 
Originally posted by: blodhi74
I thought I did .... but I guess people change
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No, people don't. They're the same from cradle to grave short of a brain injury. Exactly how is she different from the girl you married?
Originally posted by: faZZter
To all guys:

Please do not get married before you're at least 30.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
I'll go along with not having kids till you've got your shlt together, which might take many years, but it doesn't make much difference what age you get married.
Originally posted by: trmiv
You might as well move in with your in-laws. Because when you get divorced, you are going to end up at home with your parent's anyway. She sounds like the type that will take you for everything you're worth. You're going to end up paying off her credit card bills AND paying her money to sit on her ass at home to boot.
Click to expand...
Yep, something like that. Work out a new plan for yourself, 'cause she's going to own your ass in the courts.
 
Would elimination of your debt remove the fighting? If the money problems were gone, would you have any other conflicts? If yes, then divorce might be what you need. If no, then maybe swallow your pride and do it. Other options would be if you own a home, get a home equity loan and transfer the balance. The interest is low and it's tax deductable. After that, cancel all credit cards but one, and put that in both of your names, then check the balances on it each month. Maybe get a credit report every couple of months too to make sure no new accounts have been opened.

This is something you could work out with counciling. She's probably shopping so much because she's trying to fill a void in her life. Not enough affection, something happened with her parents, unrealized dreams...who knows. Go see a councilor. This is something that can be resolved. You owe it to your son to try all options before the big D.
 
this is why I handle all the bills, and my wife gets an allowance w/only 1 credit card for emergencies, and she has to call me on my cell phone to make sure it's ok to use it for non-emergancies. You two need to decide on one person to handle the family finances. I'd also suggest both of you seeking marital counciling from your paster, or if your not a christian family, a psyciatrist.
 
I'm sure I don't know enough and I'm sure there's more to it, and no I've never been married or had to deal with this kind of stuff, but based on your OP:

That's it? Some months of financial hardship are arguments and you're calling it quits? How long have you been together? Did you even consider counseling? That seems pretty....weak.
 
Originally posted by: lobadobadingdong
this is why I handle all the bills, and my wife gets an allowance w/only 1 credit card for emergencies, and she has to call me on my cell phone to make sure it's ok to use it for non-emergancies. You two need to decide on one person to handle the family finances. I'd also suggest both of you seeking marital counciling from your paster, or if your not a christian family, a psyciatrist.
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that's a little controlling, isn't it?
 
maybe she can file bankruptcy and you could start over and stay together for your son's benefit. a 7 year old still needs a mom
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Would elimination of your debt remove the fighting? If the money problems were gone, would you have any other conflicts? If yes, then divorce might be what you need. If no, then maybe swallow your pride and do it. Other options would be if you own a home, get a home equity loan and transfer the balance. The interest is low and it's tax deductable. After that, cancel all credit cards but one, and put that in both of your names, then check the balances on it each month. Maybe get a credit report every couple of months too to make sure no new accounts have been opened.

This is something you could work out with counciling. She's probably shopping so much because she's trying to fill a void in her life. Not enough affection, something happened with her parents, unrealized dreams...who knows. Go see a councilor. This is something that can be resolved. You owe it to your son to try all options before the big D.
Click to expand...

ok, he said it much better than i did, but same thought.
 
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: faZZter
To all guys:

Please do not get married before you're at least 30.

Thank you.
Click to expand...

No, then you'll be too old for your kids. It eats balls having old parents, let me tell you.
Click to expand...

My parents had me when they were in their 30's... They both rock, so no it doesnt eat balls.
 
When you stood at the alter... did you vow for better or worse till death do you part, or until she pisses you off and you dump her?

Money is one of the biggest reasons for the breakup of a marriage. If she is not working, it is irresponsible for her to spend like she did when she was earning. It is also very immature of her to not face the music to what her spending has caused (debt), and she needs to stand up to it and not run home to mommy and daddy. She is a grown up, married woman with a child.

You need to get level headed and calm, and explain to her that she needs to work out her financial issues. That she needs to cut up her credit cards, pay off the bills (even if it means selling off some of her stuff) and start acting like a grown up. Tell her that you love her, and that you are not trying to be mean, but she needs to understand that you are concerned about the family's financial future, and more importantly, you rather see the money she is spending go on a college fund, not a handbag.

Tell her that there will be no going home to mommy, that you will work it out together and get it sorted and behind you... as long as she is willing to bust her azz to make it work. Dont yell at her, dont threaten her with divorce, or taking her son away. You are married and you need to work this out together. Be firm but supportive. Suggest a financial counseler.

Good Luck.
🙂
P.S. I dont agree with filing for bankruptcy. She spent, she owes. It is not fair to make everyone else pay her debt. The credit card companies will regroup their loss by making everyone else pay.
 
If you're getting divorced so that the money situation will get better, think again. It'll get worse. Divorce is expensive.

You won't be solving your financial issues by breaking with her, if there's a child involved.

Run, don't walk, to a lawyer and a financial consultant so that you completely understand your situation. My ex took out a bunch of credit cards in my name and ran up six figures of bills and then didn't pay anything, changing the address on the accounts so I'd never see any of it. Surprisingly, legally he may have had the right to do that.

You're beyond the situation where a dozen roses and a long talk over candlelight will resolve your situation.

Good luck. It isn't easy. Hang in there. And yeah, the guys are right - even though I'm not a guy, I know it's true: if you want custody, you have to go in hard and fighting from the beginning. Get the best lawyer money can buy, and start collecting damaging information about your wife. Sadly, the more evidence you have, the better chance of custody - but also the best chance of damaging your kid irrevocably. It's a horrible system.
 
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