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Just got this email from the PROSPECTIVE employer. Do you think that I will get this job?

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Originally posted by: Encryptic

Get rid of the part "I just had to give it a try" and the emoticon, especially. That's appropriate for here but not in an email to a potential employer.
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Agreed. Finish it off with something like "Your company has an impresive portofolio and a very reputable list of clients. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my employment"
 
Originally posted by: adlep
Edit: Please take a look at the fixed reply.
I am going to send it in 5 minutes.
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OK. That is MUCH better, BUT change the "Thanks for a good news" part to "Thank you for your reply" and get rid of the (I think) part.
 
The "I think" has to go. Implies lack of confidence.

Also....

One of the two following sentences has to go: (it's too busy!)

I am open to discuss my prospective services and schedule in more detail.
Your company has an impresive portofolio and a very reputable list of clients.
 
Take from this what you like. I changed around a few things.


Dear Contact,
I am looking for an entry level position, and I believe that my salary requirements are very
reasonable. I am positive that you will be able to offer me a salary that is appropriate for my level of skill.
I am open to discuss my prospective services and schedule in more detail.
Your company has an impresive portfolio and a very reputable list of clients.
I look forward to hearing from you regarding my employment.
Please let me know.
Once again thanks.
Regards,
~ Adam
 
Once you go to an interview, you'll probably have a much better idea if you're going to get the job or not. At least they're not slamming the door in your face at this point.
 
Your latter sentences are too short, thus become statements which don't flow properly. Tie two short sentences together with the word "thus" as indicated below:

Example:

I am open to discuss my prospective services and schedule in more detail, thus I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Regards,
 
1) Take the tilde by your name out.
2) Either break up the paragraphs with an extra line or just make it one long paragraph.
3) Get rid of the exlamation point after the contact name (you are planning on changing the "Contact" to the person's actual name, right?) and change it to a comma.
 
I'm glad people are once again getting jobs, but it pains me that after adlep gets this positon, he's going to go back to writing sh!tty emails that are a joke in the grammar department. Maybe I'm just picky, but if I owned a business and I was screening applications, the ones with fourth grade grammar would get tossed immediately.

I'm not putting down adlep, it's just a thought about first impressions.
 
Originally posted by: KnightBreed
Reposted because they all deserve mentioning a second time:
Originally posted by: Hammer
you're gonna reply in pieces like that? :Q
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Originally posted by: MaxDSP
smileys are a no-no
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Originally posted by: DurocShark
NEVER EVER EVER tell an prospective employer how much you want. A reply along the lines of, "I'm sure you will offer me a competitive salary in line with my skills..." is appropriate.
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Do not reply to the email in pieces like that - this isn't some ATOT idiot you're replying to. Smileys are no-no. Remember, you're trying to look professional.
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I concur with this. Your potential employer will look at your statement as a sample of what you will produce as an employee.
 
get rid of the "regarding my employment" - you're not employed, don't make it state like you are, he hasn't offered you anything yet.
 
I'm glad people are once again getting jobs, but it pains me that after adlep gets this positon, he's going to go back to writing sh!tty emails that are a joke in the grammar department. Maybe I'm just picky, but if I owned a business and I was screening applications, the ones with fourth grade grammar would get tossed immediately.
I'm not putting down adlep, it's just a thought about first impressions.
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You are absolutely right, my grammar totally sucks.
I am much better at networking 😛
Edit: I am not a native English speaker, so I feel partially excused...
 
Just send this and be done with it!

Dear contact

As I am looking for an entry level position, my salary requirements are very reasonable, and I am positive that you will be able to offer me a competitive
salary in line with my skills.

I am open to discuss my prospective services and schedule in more detail, thus I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Regards,

Adam
 
Originally posted by: adlep
I'm glad people are once again getting jobs, but it pains me that after adlep gets this positon, he's going to go back to writing sh!tty emails that are a joke in the grammar department. Maybe I'm just picky, but if I owned a business and I was screening applications, the ones with fourth grade grammar would get tossed immediately.
I'm not putting down adlep, it's just a thought about first impressions.
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You are absolutely right, my grammar totally sucks.
I am much better at networking 😛
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You do bring up a great point; it's much more likely that a science/technology-based employee will have bad grammar skills than a non-technical employee. However, that doesn't mean that the employee will suck at his or her technical skills.

I was thinking of my "business" as more along the lines of a law firm or some similar consulting operation. In a place like that, proper business grammar is imperative; an owner's livelihood would depend on it.
 
Originally posted by: Rudee
Originally posted by: adlep
I just sent the message.
Thank you for the constructive criticism.
Will keep you posted.
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God, I hope you didn't send the one in your post.
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Agreed...it sounds like a character on some TV show backing out of a room where he just got caught stealing the boss' desk decorations:

"Oops, didn't know you were there. Okay then, I'll look forward to hearing from you about the position. I thought this interview went great, don't you? Great, thanks again. Well, bye!" as the dude is backing uncomfortably away from the boss' desk. All the while, the boss is standing there silent with his arms crossed.

🙂 I think I got a little too into this.
 
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