meltdown75
Lifer
At a conference for the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"Ok, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Ok, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said 'goat'."
-----
A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. "Oh no, it's my husband!" screams the woman.
"Where's your back door?" the man says.
"We don't have a back door" she replies.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"
-----
The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out if its mouth."
Mr. Jones cries, "My God! What will we do with such a deformed baby?"
The doctor says, "I'd use it as a rake?"
-----
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For heaven's SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning a dozen British soldiers show up and dig up the entire garden, but don't find any guns. Confused, the man writes to his son telling him what happened and asking what to do next. His son's reply was: "Plant your potatoes."
-----
"Say, how old are you anyway?" a guy asked the obviously young girl that was disrobing in his hotel room.
"Thirteen." she replied with a shy smile.
"THIRTEEN?!?! My God girl!! you get those clothes back on at once and get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?!" he thunders.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed girl smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh?"
----- last one
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge.
:laugh: all the rest were too R-rated. Hope you enjoy these!
"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"Ok, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Ok, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said 'goat'."
-----
A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. "Oh no, it's my husband!" screams the woman.
"Where's your back door?" the man says.
"We don't have a back door" she replies.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"
-----
The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out if its mouth."
Mr. Jones cries, "My God! What will we do with such a deformed baby?"
The doctor says, "I'd use it as a rake?"
-----
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For heaven's SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning a dozen British soldiers show up and dig up the entire garden, but don't find any guns. Confused, the man writes to his son telling him what happened and asking what to do next. His son's reply was: "Plant your potatoes."
-----
"Say, how old are you anyway?" a guy asked the obviously young girl that was disrobing in his hotel room.
"Thirteen." she replied with a shy smile.
"THIRTEEN?!?! My God girl!! you get those clothes back on at once and get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?!" he thunders.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed girl smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh?"
----- last one
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge.
:laugh: all the rest were too R-rated. Hope you enjoy these!
