joke thread... 18+ only pls

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OrByte

OrByte

Diamond Member
Jul 21, 2000
9,303
144
106
Originally posted by: bobross419
Originally posted by: pontifex
Originally posted by: bobross419
Originally posted by: pontifex
Originally posted by: bobross419
Did any of you guys hear about Apple's new line of computers marketed to geriatrics? They are calling it the Granny Smith.


Lifetime Network's hit "Army Wives" has spawned a spinoff. Insiders believe that the new show "Navy Wives" will be picked up by the LOGO network.


What did the Jewish baker say to the pretty lady that walked into his shop? "CHALLAH!!!!!"
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I don't get the 2nd one.
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*Sigh* Editted the post with a link to LOGO network's Wiki page because you are the second person to not get this :( Logo is the Gay and Lesbian network...
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so the joke is that people in the navy are gay?
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Yes
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Man those two jokes really didn't work out for you eh?

:D

 
M

Mizugori

Senior member
May 3, 2007
496
0
0
the joke sucks. they both do. that's why you don't get it. i got it and just thought it was retarded.

why did michael jackson call boyz-2-men?

...because he thought it was a delivery service
 
M

Mizugori

Senior member
May 3, 2007
496
0
0
whats brown and often found in a baby's diaper?

...michael jackson's hand


knock knock
who's there
little boy blue
little boy blue who?
michael jackson


why did michael jackson go to wal-mart?

....because he heard boy's pants were half off



what do michael jackson and santa claus have in common?

...they both leave little boys' rooms with an empty sack
 
bobross419

bobross419

Golden Member
Oct 25, 2007
1,981
1
0
Originally posted by: OrByte
Originally posted by: bobross419
Originally posted by: pontifex
Originally posted by: bobross419
Originally posted by: pontifex
Originally posted by: bobross419
Did any of you guys hear about Apple's new line of computers marketed to geriatrics? They are calling it the Granny Smith.


Lifetime Network's hit "Army Wives" has spawned a spinoff. Insiders believe that the new show "Navy Wives" will be picked up by the LOGO network.


What did the Jewish baker say to the pretty lady that walked into his shop? "CHALLAH!!!!!"
Click to expand...

I don't get the 2nd one.
Click to expand...

*Sigh* Editted the post with a link to LOGO network's Wiki page because you are the second person to not get this :( Logo is the Gay and Lesbian network...
Click to expand...

so the joke is that people in the navy are gay?
Click to expand...

Yes
Click to expand...
Man those two jokes really didn't work out for you eh?

:D
Click to expand...

Nope... they never do. Maybe 1 in 5 people that I tell these to actually know what the hell I'm talking about. 1 in 5 of them actually laugh :(


Originally posted by: Mizugori
the joke sucks. they both do. that's why you don't get it. i got it and just thought it was retarded
Click to expand...

I actually made these up myself. I didn't use jokes I hear from other people. Sorry that I didn't use a joke that has been done more times than your mom, like this one:

"why did michael jackson call boyz-2-men?

...because he thought it was a delivery service "
 
C

Cabages

Platinum Member
Jan 1, 2006
2,918
0
0
What do Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds have in common?

They both like slappin their meat between 12 year old buns.
 
M

Mizugori

Senior member
May 3, 2007
496
0
0
oh really? you made them up? yeah, it shows... no wonder no one laughed... maybe you forgot what the point of a joke is? and jokes don't get done they get told
 
OrByte

OrByte

Diamond Member
Jul 21, 2000
9,303
144
106
Originally posted by: bobross419

I actually made these up myself. I didn't use jokes I hear from other people. Sorry that I didn't use a joke that has been done more times than your mom, like this one:

"why did michael jackson call boyz-2-men?

...because he thought it was a delivery service "
Click to expand...

+redemption!!
 
T

Turin39789

Lifer
Nov 21, 2000
12,218
8
81
Originally posted by: Mizugori
oh really? you made them up? yeah, it shows... no wonder no one laughed... maybe you forgot what the point of a joke is? and jokes don't get done they get told
Click to expand...

THROUGH != THROW
 
geno

geno

Lifer
Dec 26, 1999
25,074
4
0
Why do whores wear hoop earrings?




So they have a place to rest their feet.
 
K

Kev

Lifer
Dec 17, 2001
16,367
4
81
What's the difference between babies and dart boards?

Dart boards don't bleed.
 
joesmoke

joesmoke

Diamond Member
Nov 2, 2007
5,420
2
0
Originally posted by: acheron
Q. How many members of a group does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. A number. One to screw the lightbulb in, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.
Click to expand...

Nice... :thumbsup:
 
M

Mizugori

Senior member
May 3, 2007
496
0
0
whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

...you can unscrew the light bulb
 
O

oboeguy

Diamond Member
Dec 7, 1999
3,907
0
76
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?











Because there's twenty of 'em!

Edit: doh! Beaten to the punch. Here's another:

What do you call an alcoholic knight?




Sir Osis!
 
chitwood

chitwood

Golden Member
Aug 21, 2008
1,208
59
91
An American businessman goes on business to Japan. He tells his assistant that night to get him some 'entertainment.' So his assistant gets him a hooker. The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming, 'Hoshimota, hoshimota!'

He thinks he is doing it really, really good.


The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, who makes a hole in one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and patting him on the back. The American can't think of what to say, so he says "HOSHIMOTA!"


His Japanese partner turns to him and says, "What do you mean, it is in the wrong hole?"
 
vshah

vshah

Lifer
Sep 20, 2003
19,003
24
81
How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?



















Fuck it, lets go ride our bikes.
 
M

Mizugori

Senior member
May 3, 2007
496
0
0
Originally posted by: Stratk1ng
BACK != BLACK


Originally posted by: Turin39789
What is back and white and red all over?


Nuns in a chainsaw fight.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...


THANK YOU


Originally posted by: chitwood
An American businessman goes on business to Japan. He tells his assistant that night to get him some 'entertainment.' So his assistant gets him a hooker. The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming, 'Hoshimota, hoshimota!'

He thinks he is doing it really, really good.


The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, who makes a hole in one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and patting him on the back. The American can't think of what to say, so he says "HOSHIMOTA!"


His Japanese partner turns to him and says, "What do you mean, it is in the wrong hole?"
Click to expand...

that was awesome, LOLed at work
 
chitwood

chitwood

Golden Member
Aug 21, 2008
1,208
59
91
An old grandma goes to the doctor.

The doc says, whats the problem. The grandma says, "Doc I have uncontrollable gas. I fart all the time. The only weird thing is, my farts don't smell, and they don't make any noise. In fact, I've farted 4 times since I've been here and you haven't noticed at all."

The doc thinks for a minute, then says ok, take these pills for a week and come back and see me.

So she does, and a week later she's back in the doctor's office.

"Doc, I dont know what the hell those pills were, but now my farts smell like shit."

The doc replies, "Good, we fixed your nose, now lets work on that hearing."
 
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