Joke: Navy Force Reduction

[GundamW]

Navy Force Reduction

PERSONNEL COMMAND/250001Z AUG 02//
As a result of Senate proposed force reductions and budget cuts the
Department of the Navy has developed a program to reduce the number of
active duty personnel. This program is under test phase and will be
effective 1 January 2003. Under this new program, older sailors will be
asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the
younger sailors who represent the future. Therefore, this program will phase
out older sailors by the end of the current fiscal year. This initial phase
of the program will be known as SLAP (Sailors Late-Aged Program). Sailors
who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the
Navy. SLAPPED sailors can request a review of their personnel records before
actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called SCREW
(Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All sailors who have been
SLAPPED or SCREWED, may file an appeal with their chain of command with
final authority at the Major Command level. This is called SHAFT (Study by
Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy,
a sailor may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many
times as the Navy deems appropriate. If a sailor follows the above
procedures, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment),
unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or
Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any sailor who
has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the
Navy. The Navy wishes to assure the younger Sailors who remain on board,
that the Navy will continue its policy of training sailors through our
Special High Intensity Training (SH*T). The Navy takes pride in the amount
of SH*T our sailors receive. We have given our sailors more SH*T than any
other service. If any sailor feels they do not receive enough SH*T at their
current base, see your immediate supervisor. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY
TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SH*T YOU CAN STAND.

 

[Placer14]

[homestarrunner]hahaha, that's gweat.[/homestarrunner]

 

[FoBoT]

funny (old)

 

[guyver01]

i'm gonna steal it, modify it for my job... and email it out taking claim

thanks!!