UNCjigga
Lifer
You ever notice how some people have crap that smells worse than normal? What's up with that? These are the same people who seem to be the 'butt' of every fart joke...the first ones accused when a foul stench permeates the air. I used to think this was all due to diet. It made sense that certain foods could influence the odor emitted by the flatulent offender (eggs...for example.)
My beliefs changed once I entered college. I could eat the same food as my roommate for an entire weekend (same breakfast, same lunch, same dinner x 2.) We both drank the same amount of water. Yet his farts were notoriously worse than mine! What gives? Upon returning home after graduation (saving up cuz I get paid diddly..but that's another story) I began sharing a bathroom with my father. WHOA! You remember Cube's dad in 'Friday'? Well after my dad gets done with the toilet...don't nobody go in there for 35-45 days!!! Again, we eat the same foods for breakfast, the same bagged lunches (thanks gramma!) and the same dinner. I am his spitting image, so our genetic makeup is the same too. SO WHY THE FSCK DOES HIS CRAP SMELL SO BAD?
Then I began to think along evolutionary lines. Suddenly it all made sense. Why does sh*t smell bad? Because its unhealthy. Its bad for you--carries viruses and bacteria and all sorts of unpleasant waste. But hell, if it didn't smell bad, some poor fool animal would crap it out and then eat it back up (kinda like how my friend's dog would throw up and then lick it up...WTF you think you can try to clean it up now you stupid b!tch of a dog? Gross!) so as long as crap emits a rank odor, we won't eat it...INGENIOUS!!! But you know what? For some folks...that still wasn't enough. They'd still ingest it like it was some baked bean casserole. These retards kept dying off until evolution gradually made their sh*t smell REALLY bad. HORRENDOUS! ABOMINABLE! Eventually it got to the point where'd they'd empty bowels and run away without lookin' back!
So the moral of the story? Whenever someone cuts some sharp cheddar cheese that smells extra stale, remember that their ancestors were the ones who took extra long to figure out sh*t ain't food. I betcha these modern-day gassers are still always the first ones to try new foods...the ones who'll eat pretty much anything. Just be thankful you ain't one of them. Hell...I'm just thankful for my mom's side of the family!! 🙂
My beliefs changed once I entered college. I could eat the same food as my roommate for an entire weekend (same breakfast, same lunch, same dinner x 2.) We both drank the same amount of water. Yet his farts were notoriously worse than mine! What gives? Upon returning home after graduation (saving up cuz I get paid diddly..but that's another story) I began sharing a bathroom with my father. WHOA! You remember Cube's dad in 'Friday'? Well after my dad gets done with the toilet...don't nobody go in there for 35-45 days!!! Again, we eat the same foods for breakfast, the same bagged lunches (thanks gramma!) and the same dinner. I am his spitting image, so our genetic makeup is the same too. SO WHY THE FSCK DOES HIS CRAP SMELL SO BAD?
Then I began to think along evolutionary lines. Suddenly it all made sense. Why does sh*t smell bad? Because its unhealthy. Its bad for you--carries viruses and bacteria and all sorts of unpleasant waste. But hell, if it didn't smell bad, some poor fool animal would crap it out and then eat it back up (kinda like how my friend's dog would throw up and then lick it up...WTF you think you can try to clean it up now you stupid b!tch of a dog? Gross!) so as long as crap emits a rank odor, we won't eat it...INGENIOUS!!! But you know what? For some folks...that still wasn't enough. They'd still ingest it like it was some baked bean casserole. These retards kept dying off until evolution gradually made their sh*t smell REALLY bad. HORRENDOUS! ABOMINABLE! Eventually it got to the point where'd they'd empty bowels and run away without lookin' back!
So the moral of the story? Whenever someone cuts some sharp cheddar cheese that smells extra stale, remember that their ancestors were the ones who took extra long to figure out sh*t ain't food. I betcha these modern-day gassers are still always the first ones to try new foods...the ones who'll eat pretty much anything. Just be thankful you ain't one of them. Hell...I'm just thankful for my mom's side of the family!! 🙂
