Jesus's middle name is Hume! Caution: Some NSFW images within!

[John Connor]

Future McDonald's worker of America and staunch Democrat.

I fucking hated this dumb bitch when she took the stand. First, I couldn't hear her and second, her attitude really diminishes her credibility.

 

[Ruptga]

It's like an entirely new cast.

I still haven't seen the third, but I didn't even know they were making a fourth until I saw them talking about filming in my neck of the woods.

I was ready to be done with the franchise after the abomination that was the second one, but I was basically tied down in front of the third. It was actually pretty ok, about like the first. It was still pretty stupid and cliche, but in an occasionally amusing way. I'm not going to mark the date for number four, but maybe it won't be completely terrible...

 

[TurtleCrusher]

 

[Ruptga]

Whatever,

 

[Skel]

What happened after 90?

91

 

[Jodell88]

 

[Ketchup]

I fucking hated this dumb bitch when she took the stand. First, I couldn't hear her and second, her attitude really diminishes her credibility.

How can you hate somebody you can't hear?

 

[HAL9000]

I don't get it

Where's the funny?

 

[Ketchup]

I don't get it

Where's the funny?

Maybe he's got a nice tush.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

HAL9000

My interpretation made it funny in my head. She's staring him down like being physically violent is going to solve the fact that she just realized the lawyer out smarted her. I think its freaking hilarious. I also assume it's some news thing i'm unfamiliar with?

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/jack_stuef

 

[Ruptga]

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/jack_stuef

All of this is completely moot because Jack Stuef is a shitty writer who doesn't fact check.

Spoiler

Holy shit, the bit at the bottom involving Down's Syndrome and birthday cards is legit! At first I thought Inman was just pulling a funny ad hominem out of his ass as only the Oatmeal can.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I got pretty much the only entirely positive one. :awe:

 

[John Connor]

How can you hate somebody you can't hear?

I saw the captions on the news.

 

[Anubis]

 

[Fritzo]

It's like an entirely new cast.

I still haven't seen the third, but I didn't even know they were making a fourth until I saw them talking about filming in my neck of the woods.

Kelsey Grammer is in it???

 

[SAWYER]

 

[JackBurton]

Holy Christ! I knew kids now a days were stupid, but that's a whole new level.

 

[SamQuint]

Holy Christ! I knew kids now a days were stupid, but that's a whole new level.

Don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Also why didn't someone jump in and school these idiots and claim the biggest ownage of the year. Oh yeah anyone with a brain most likely doesn't hang out with these morons.

 

[Train]

At first I was like "LOL, math fail!" But then I was like, well shit, a math fail would require them to know that the declaration of independence was 1776. So is it a history fail, or both?

either way, sigh.

 

[Fritzo]

I could see some of these...

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

[AnonymouseUser]

Holy Christ! I knew kids now a days were stupid, but that's a whole new level.

I blame the "All Kids Left Behind" program.

 

[dust]

This is just sad...

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

..but this, LMAO!

 

[Ruptga]

dipshits

I'm not entirely convinced this wasn't manufactured for the sake of page views on some blog. But, if it is real, each and every one of those special snowflakes is entitled to exactly as many votes as is anyone with a triple-digit IQ.

Fuck yeah.

 

[preslove]

 

[shortylickens]

:awe: