Jehovas Witnesses keep coming around.

[Gothgar]

It was four women.

And they looked hungry!

sounds like a win win then

tell them to suck teh devil out of your cock?

 

[MJinZ]

Tell them you'll join for a fee of $100K.

Try to sell them something expensive.

Give them big black dildos as gifts.

 

[AstroManLuca]

So you're unable to speak to people with a tone anywhere between overly polite and screaming?

Man, sucks to be you. I was going to say just be firmer with them but apparently you have no self control.

 

[IGBT]

it's good to have them walking around the neighborhood. They unknowingly are crime deterrents and flack catchers. If it's safe for them to be out and about it's prob.safe for you and your family.

 

[shortylickens]

So you're unable to speak to people with a tone anywhere between overly polite and screaming?

Man, sucks to be you. I was going to say just be firmer with them but apparently you have no self control.

Since you apparently cant read, its difficult to discuss this with you in a text forum.

 

[BoomerD]

I get visited by the JW's and the Baptists every fucking week.

As a rule, as soon as the opening pleasantries are exchanged,

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening sir, we're here to talk about..."

I hold up my hand and tell them, "Thank you. Have a nice day." and close the door.

I generally have no reason to be rude unless they get rude. (uncommon)

They're simply doing what they believe is a good thing.

Now when we lived in Mormon Country and the missionaries and/or visiting teachers came knocking...I was VERY rude..."GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK!", but of course, they came back the following week...

 

[Key West]

You guys are such amateurs at this. I wish this happens to me, so I can have immense fun with them:

*Go reverse mechanic on them. When they come knocking on your door selling their religion, invite them in then take out your magazine subscription/cutco knives/avon/tupperware catalogs then try to sell it to them. The harder they push, you push equally. If they say no, also say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

*Answer the door wearing boxers or naked. Invite them in. Never dress.

*Be that 'genuine-yet-annoyingly-indecisive-dude.' Keep saying, "Hmm... I don't know" but agree with them a LOT whenever they make a point. However, when they go for the kill, revert back to "I don't know". Repeat forever.

*Be that 'desperate for companionship' guy. Act overly excited and ecstatic when they visit you. Offer them drinks, start making over-the-top dishes saying "Oh my, I never have guests anymore". Offer them maximum hospitality to the point they feel burdened and uncomfortable. Don't forget to continuously run your mouth. Share TMI about your personal life, childhood, your in-laws, your work, boss, how times are changing, etc.

*Contaminate your mouth and stomach with hot sauce, raw garlic, onions, whatever it takes to have your breath utterly intolerable. Invite them in and talk real close to them with your breath. Accentuate the H's in your words for maximum effect (So, Hhhow are you doing today?). Have all the windows shut in your house to keep the air still and make it slightly warm for best results.

*Take it to the whole new level. They come visit your home, why can't you? Ask them where they live and show up uninvited JUST LIKE THEM. They can't say SHIT. If they have the audacity give you a fuss, look them in the eyes just like below and say, "REALLY?"

 

[MJinZ]

You guys are such amateurs at this. I wish this happens to me, so I can have immense fun with them:

*Go reverse mechanic on them. When they come knocking on your door selling their religion, invite them in then take out your magazine subscription/cutco knives/avon/tupperware catalogs then try to sell it to them. The harder they push, you push equally. If they say no, also say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

*Answer the door wearing boxers or naked. Invite them in. Never dress.

*Be that 'genuine-yet-annoyingly-indecisive-dude.' Keep saying, "Hmm... I don't know" but agree with them a LOT whenever they make a point. However, when they go for the kill, revert back to "I don't know". Repeat forever.

*Be that 'desperate for companionship' guy. Act overly excited and ecstatic when they visit you. Offer them drinks, start making over-the-top dishes saying "Oh my, I never have guests anymore". Offer them maximum hospitality to the point they feel burdened and uncomfortable. Don't forget to continuously run your mouth. Share TMI about your personal life, childhood, your in-laws, your work, boss, how times are changing, etc.

*Contaminate your mouth and stomach with hot sauce, raw garlic, onions, whatever it takes to have your breath utterly intolerable. Invite them in and talk real close to them with your breath. Accentuate the H's in your words for maximum effect (So, Hhhow are you doing today?). Have all the windows shut in your house to keep the air still and make it slightly warm for best results.

*Take it to the whole new level. They come visit your home, why can't you? Ask them where they live and show up uninvited JUST LIKE THEM. They can't say SHIT. If they give you a fuss, look them in the eyes and say, "really?"

Master of passive aggressive.

 

[WelshBloke]

You guys are such amateurs at this. I wish this happens to me, so I can have immense fun with them:

*Go reverse mechanic on them. When they come knocking on your door selling their religion, invite them in then take out your magazine subscription/cutco knives/avon/tupperware catalogs then try to sell it to them. The harder they push, you push equally. If they say no, also say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

*Answer the door wearing boxers or naked. Invite them in. Never dress.

*Be that 'genuine-yet-annoyingly-indecisive-dude.' Keep saying, "Hmm... I don't know" but agree with them a LOT whenever they make a point. However, when they go for the kill, revert back to "I don't know". Repeat forever.

*Be that 'desperate for companionship' guy. Act overly excited and ecstatic when they visit you. Offer them drinks, start making over-the-top dishes saying "Oh my, I never have guests anymore". Offer them maximum hospitality to the point they feel burdened and uncomfortable. Don't forget to continuously run your mouth. Share TMI about your personal life, childhood, your in-laws, your work, boss, how times are changing, etc.

*Contaminate your mouth and stomach with hot sauce, raw garlic, onions, whatever it takes to have your breath utterly intolerable. Invite them in and talk real close to them with your breath. Accentuate the H's in your words for maximum effect (So, Hhhow are you doing today?). Have all the windows shut in your house to keep the air still and make it slightly warm for best results.

*Take it to the whole new level. They come visit your home, why can't you? Ask them where they live and show up uninvited JUST LIKE THEM. They can't say SHIT. If they give you a fuss, look them in the eyes and say, "really?"

Bonus points if you bring a bunch of mates and a keg of beer. :twisted:

 

[Fenixgoon]

Key West FTMFW!

 

[shortylickens]

Key West FTMFW!

What? Are they outlawed or something?

 

[JM Aggie08]

1) Put dog on the porch.
2)....
3)....
4)....
5) Mothafuckin' profit.

 

[Terzo]

Key West FTMFW!

What? Are they outlawed or something?

Can't tell if you're playing along or not, so just in case...

You guys are such amateurs at this. I wish this happens to me, so I can have immense fun with them:

*Go reverse mechanic on them. When they come knocking on your door selling their religion, invite them in then take out your magazine subscription/cutco knives/avon/tupperware catalogs then try to sell it to them. The harder they push, you push equally. If they say no, also say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

*Answer the door wearing boxers or naked. Invite them in. Never dress.

*Be that 'genuine-yet-annoyingly-indecisive-dude.' Keep saying, "Hmm... I don't know" but agree with them a LOT whenever they make a point. However, when they go for the kill, revert back to "I don't know". Repeat forever.

*Be that 'desperate for companionship' guy. Act overly excited and ecstatic when they visit you. Offer them drinks, start making over-the-top dishes saying "Oh my, I never have guests anymore". Offer them maximum hospitality to the point they feel burdened and uncomfortable. Don't forget to continuously run your mouth. Share TMI about your personal life, childhood, your in-laws, your work, boss, how times are changing, etc.

*Contaminate your mouth and stomach with hot sauce, raw garlic, onions, whatever it takes to have your breath utterly intolerable. Invite them in and talk real close to them with your breath. Accentuate the H's in your words for maximum effect (So, Hhhow are you doing today?). Have all the windows shut in your house to keep the air still and make it slightly warm for best results.

*Take it to the whole new level. They come visit your home, why can't you? Ask them where they live and show up uninvited JUST LIKE THEM. They can't say SHIT. If they have the audacity give you a fuss, look them in the eyes just like below and say, "REALLY?"

 

[KaOTiK]

Answer the door wearing nipple tassels, lipsticks, high heels, and a thong

 

[Bignate603]

This is the number one answer. No personal confrontation. They get it.
You sir are the master of peaceful negotiations.

Though I admit the scimitar scenario sound lots of fun too.

I had a job that sent me door to door sometimes. I had people do that a few times, it was pretty clear they didn't want to be bothered.

 

[cyclohexane]

sounds like a win win then

tell them to suck teh devil out of your cock?

best advice ever.

 

[zinfamous]

Just tell them that you have it on good faith that Heaven is already full, so you don't want to waste your time.

If they press you on the source of this information, tell them "Allah commands it," bug your eyes out, and close the door.

 

[Aquaman]

Ask for 4 pee pee touch

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[Crow550]

When they come to your door say this: "What are you offering Vacuums or Religion cause I already have both." Then shut the door.

Problem solved.

 

[killster1]

i told them not to come back that they just woke up my son from a nap

 

[sourceninja]

I had this problem in the past. Our HOA has no soliciting. I told them this. The next time they came I called the police, then answered my door and had a nice chat with them and acted interested until the police arrived. At that point I started saying fairly loudly, "Now this is the last time I'm telling you, get off my property!"

The police then told them that they would be arrested for trespassing if they came into our neighborhood again. We never saw them again.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

I get visited by the JW's and the Baptists every fucking week.

As a rule, as soon as the opening pleasantries are exchanged,

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening sir, we're here to talk about..."

I hold up my hand and tell them, "Thank you. Have a nice day." and close the door.

I generally have no reason to be rude unless they get rude. (uncommon)

They're simply doing what they believe is a good thing.

Now when we lived in Mormon Country and the missionaries and/or visiting teachers came knocking...I was VERY rude..."GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK!", but of course, they came back the following week...

You sound like an asshole. Cutting someone off mid sentence and holding your hand up is rude. There is no reason to be rude to these people. You can politely tell them you're not interested.

 

[shortylickens]

You sound like an asshole. Cutting someone off mid sentence and holding your hand up is rude. There is no reason to be rude to these people. You can politely tell them you're not interested.

I think you missed the part where politeness causes them to keep coming back.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

I think you missed the part where politeness causes them to keep coming back.

Is not answering the door a big inconvenience? They'll get the idea eventually. All you people hate religion so much but I'd like to see the atheist churches that are taking in the homeless, feeding the families that are out of work, helping kids that are troubled turn there lives around, etc.. You can't seem to grasp the simple concept of live and let live.

 

[MJinZ]

Is not answering the door a big inconvenience? They'll get the idea eventually. All you people hate religion so much but I'd like to see the atheist churches that are taking in the homeless, feeding the families that are out of work, helping kids that are troubled turn there lives around, etc.. You can't seem to grasp the simple concept of live and let live.

Yea, it's called the Church of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet.