Jack Handey - Literary Genius

[gorcorps]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: datalink7
Quotes by Jack Handy:
...ship.

I ASKED NICELY, now you have to leave the thread.

Good day sir.

I SAID GOOD DAY!!!! :oints at the door::

dude... really? You quoted that whole fucking thing? ban

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

Ban both of those fools. Ultra-ban the quoter.

 

[Sea Moose]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Probably my favorite writer of our modern time. Post your favorite quotes! Here's my two favorite:

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like ?Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!? and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, ?That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.? Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I bet if you reached total enlightenment while drinking beer, it would make beer squirt out your noise.

(please don't go out and copy and paste entire websites---post your FAVORITE quotes )

what?

Must have been a gas soldering iron or the sheriff would have to drag an extension lead behind him

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: CrazyHelloDeli
"Whenever I see something scurry across the room and latch on to my friends neck, I just have to laugh. Because, I mean, just what is that thing?"

I heard this years ago... It is still by far one of the single funniest fucking things I've ever heard in my entire life. It's almost exactly on-track with my sense of humor.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: GodlessAstronomer
Ban both of those fools. Ultra-ban the quoter.

I did that on purpose