It is finished.

Noobtastic

Banned
Jul 9, 2005
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Original:

Sampson and Gregory Script - Shakespeare Version

Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY of the house of Capulet, with swords and bucklers

2. Gregory: No, for then we should be colliers.

4. Gregory: While you live, draw your neck out of collar.

6. Gregory: But thou art not quickly moved to strike.

8. Gregory: To move is to stir, and to be valiant is to stand.

9. Gregory: Therefore if thou art moved thou run away.

12. Gregory: That shows thee a weak slave, for the weakest goes.

18. Gregory: The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

22. Gregory: The heads of the maids?

25. Gregory: They must take it in sense that feel it.

28. Gregory: 'Tis well thou art not fish. If thou hadst been poor-john.

Enter ABRAM and another SERVINGMAN

29. Gregory: Draw thy tool! Here comes of the house of Montagues.

31. Gregory: How? Turn thy back and run?

33. Gregory: No, marry. I fear thee.

35. Gregory: I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list.

42. Gregory: (aside to SAMPSON)

No.

45. Gregory: Do you quarrel, sir?


Gangster:


Enter SAMPSON an? GREGORY of da crib o? Masta Capulet.


2. Gregory: Fo' then we's would be coal miners

4. Gregory: Focus on not gettin in static Sammy.

6. Gregory: It?s soft to get ya mad foo.

8. Gregory: Ta bump is ta stir, ya?s wont jump in rumble.

9. Gregory: You?ll skip back to da ghetto.

12. Gregory: You?re uh weak slave, an? da weak always git smashed into da brick.

18. Gregory: Ta battle is between dem kings and we?s be their soldiers.

22. Gregory: Who?s neck, da kitchen hoes?

25. Gregory: Da ones ya stuff wit force should feel it tight, eh?

28. Gregory: It?s good ya don?t rough like fishy, Ya?s dry with no weight or size.

Enter ?BIBLE MAN?ABRAM and another SERVINDUDE

29. Gregory: Shake tat gat son! Dem foo?s from Montagues crib is comin.

31. Gregory: How yas gonna back me up? Gonna turn ya?s rear an run way?

33. Gregory: No brotha, I fear ya fo reals..

35. Gregory: I?ll face smack as I moves by. They can front as they wants.

42. Gregory: (aside to SAMPSON)

Nah.

45. Gregory: You wanna fight son?


Now all I have to do is memorize both scripts and then prep for skit by next Tuesday.

Awesome. :(
 

IEC

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Jun 10, 2004
14,600
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This is a literary atrocity.
 

eldorado99

Lifer
Feb 16, 2004
36,324
3,163
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Gotta be a high school english class skit... ?

We had to do the same sorts of things when I was in high school (a few years ago).
 

Noobtastic

Banned
Jul 9, 2005
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Originally posted by: eldorado99
Gotta be a high school english class skit... ?

We had to do the same sorts of things when I was in high school (a few years ago).

Yes. I was limited to non-obscenities and horrible innuendos. I felt it was appropriate to show my teacher before presenting, which proved to be a very very bad mistake. She heavily edited all phrases considered even "slightly" offensive (school is dominated by sheltered conservatives), resulting in the removal of the best friggin line.

this:

25. Gregory: Da ones ya stuff wit force should feel it tight, eh?

28. Gregory: It?s good ya don?t rough like fishy, Ya?s dry with no weight or size.

Was intended to make obvious Sampson's desires. You see, in the first Act I. Sc. 1 Sampson basically says he wants to kill the men, kill the maidenheads, and rape the maids to the point of numbness.

Gregory responds with a scoff, mentioning how Sampson's equipment resembles that of a fish, suggesting his ability to satisfy or "make feel" another being physically impossible.

We're practically reading an erotic novel.

The original line was much longer, and a little more illustrated- "It's good ya don't pump like fishy, since ya's bone is withered and dry."

I don't remember word for word though, since I neglected to save first draft.

*sigh*



 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
I was about to say it was already done...but this would never make it to the silver screen.
 

Ika

Lifer
Mar 22, 2006
14,264
3
81
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
I'm only a sophomore so don't respond with stupid comments like, "You are teh engrish suxor."

That shouldn't matter... my English was perfect by 6th grade and I wasn't even born in the U.S....
 

Noobtastic

Banned
Jul 9, 2005
3,721
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Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
I'm only a sophomore so don't respond with stupid comments like, "You are teh engrish suxor."

That shouldn't matter... my English was perfect by 6th grade and I wasn't even born in the U.S....

What's wrong with my English? I hope you aware the original script is a direct copy of Act Sc. 1 (Lines 1 - 45) of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. :D

The second script is PG-rated Gangstafied, so if you are analyzing the text with ordinary English standards....heh.



 

Turfzilla

Senior member
May 25, 2004
424
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0
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
I'm only a sophomore so don't respond with stupid comments like, "You are teh engrish suxor."

That shouldn't matter... my English was perfect by 6th grade and I wasn't even born in the U.S....

What's wrong with my English? I hope you aware the original script is a direct copy of Act Sc. 1 (Lines 1 - 45) of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. :D

The second script is PG-rated Gangstafied, so if you are analyzing the text with ordinary English standards....heh.

You are going to fail. That was absolutly terrible. Gangstafied? wow...

0/10

/ban
 

Noobtastic

Banned
Jul 9, 2005
3,721
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Originally posted by: Turfzilla
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
I'm only a sophomore so don't respond with stupid comments like, "You are teh engrish suxor."

That shouldn't matter... my English was perfect by 6th grade and I wasn't even born in the U.S....

What's wrong with my English? I hope you aware the original script is a direct copy of Act Sc. 1 (Lines 1 - 45) of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. :D

The second script is PG-rated Gangstafied, so if you are analyzing the text with ordinary English standards....heh.

You are going to fail. That was absolutly terrible. Gangstafied? wow...

0/10

/ban

That bad really? It was a strain not being able to use obscenities, which I've come to understand is a trademark of gangster's, no?

Anyways, I think it's fine and so does my teacher...which is really the only thing that matters. Just thought it was be nice to have some comments from the mature masses of anandtech. Clearly I was mistaken.

 

Turfzilla

Senior member
May 25, 2004
424
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0
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
Originally posted by: Turfzilla
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
Originally posted by: Aflac
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
I'm only a sophomore so don't respond with stupid comments like, "You are teh engrish suxor."

That shouldn't matter... my English was perfect by 6th grade and I wasn't even born in the U.S....

What's wrong with my English? I hope you aware the original script is a direct copy of Act Sc. 1 (Lines 1 - 45) of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. :D

The second script is PG-rated Gangstafied, so if you are analyzing the text with ordinary English standards....heh.

You are going to fail. That was absolutly terrible. Gangstafied? wow...

0/10

/ban

That bad really? It was a strain not being able to use obscenities, which I've come to understand is a trademark of gangster's, no?

Anyways, I think it's fine and so does my teacher...which is really the only thing that matters. Just thought it was be nice to have some comments from the mature masses of anandtech. Clearly I was mistaken.

Maturity has nothing to do with it. Telling you your works sucks should be a sign that maybe you should go back to the drawing board.... That, my friend, was possibly the worst piece of literature ever written.

I say that in the nicest way I know how. Really, it was terrible.

Cheers!
TZ
 

Noobtastic

Banned
Jul 9, 2005
3,721
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Maturity has nothing to do with it. Telling you your works sucks should be a sign that maybe you should go back to the drawing board

Well, I think you guys assumed both scripts were MINE - when in fact the FIRST one was a DIRECT lift from Romeo and Juliet. I do not consider "this is literary atrocity" as mature criticism when the person making the comment has no idea what he/she is actually reading.

That, my friend, was possibly the worst piece of literature ever written.
Specific?

I say that in the nicest way I know how. Really, it was terrible.

Cheers!
TZ

Jesus I guess you guys never read Shakespeare. I never imagined having to emphasize key points because the "literature enlightened" cannot register simple information when repeated 3 times.


Cliff notes:

First script is SHAKESPEARE

Second script is MY GANGSTER VERSION

Limitations for second script include: NO obscenities, NO innuendos, and must retain the essence of Shakespeare by using some exact/similar words from original.


Meh.
 

glutenberg

Golden Member
Sep 2, 2004
1,941
0
0
Originally posted by: Noobtastic
Maturity has nothing to do with it. Telling you your works sucks should be a sign that maybe you should go back to the drawing board

Well, I think you guys assumed both scripts were MINE - when in fact the FIRST one was a DIRECT lift from Romeo and Juliet. I do not consider "this is literary atrocity" as mature criticism when the person making the comment has no idea what he/she is actually reading.

That, my friend, was possibly the worst piece of literature ever written.
Specific?

I say that in the nicest way I know how. Really, it was terrible.

Cheers!
TZ

Jesus I guess you guys never read Shakespeare. I never imagined having to emphasize key points because the "literature enlightened" cannot register simple information when repeated 3 times.


Cliff notes:

First script is SHAKESPEARE

Second script is MY GANGSTER VERSION

Limitations for second script include: NO obscenities, NO innuendos, and must retain the essence of Shakespeare by using some exact/similar words from original.


Meh.

You think people are mistaking your version with Shakespeare's? The gangsterfied version makes me sad.