To clarify, for me life is a pointless drudgery
, however interesting it is. No matter what you do you are still going to die
but you get to live first. You might find something to occupy yourself during the time you have
and some of those occupations are pretty incredible, but in the end it's all for nothing
except your personal satisfaction and the satisfaction of those around you. Even if you accomplish great things the world is full of thankless slobs
as well as some great people who do appreciate you. In a few years no one will even remember your name
except those who loved you most. Even if you are very famous the next gemeration will only wonder who that old guy was
and envy the interesting time that he got to live in. All your life you work hard to make other people rich and in the end you die unremembered
except by the people whose lives you've enriched. That's if you're lucky
and luck is what we make of things. If life is really cruel you get everything handed to you
but the majority of us have the opporunity to work for things. That's an even more pointless life than the poor man who earns a living and thinks he's happy
yet it provides different experiences and opportunities to round out the world. Happiness is just one illusion in this world of mirrors and shadows
but when the shadows and mirrors disappear, it's what remains. Sometimes it seems like free will is the greatest illusion of them all
but the reality of it overcomes the moments of doubt. And that's why I despise being alive
but can appreciate it enough that I choose to remain so. I'm not bitter about it
, just probing the way the world apparently works. I know that it's just the luck of the draw, and that I don't really have it any worse than anyone else
, so I can enjoy things the same as others too. The universe just worked out so that I was cursed with existance, rather than someone else
and I have the chance to be me. That's okay.
Sorry, I was wondering if I could stick something on to each of those sentences to make it sound cheerier.
