Is there anyone out there that has a best friend that is a girl and.... Are NOT attracted to them "like that"? Is it possible???
In the world of the everyday, for most people, discovering love and sexuality immediately places these two rich experiential aspects of human life into predefined social constructs. As such, a sexual attraction carries with it, for many people, the desire to objectify and control and the desire to enter into a socially-approved mode of engagement, such as dating. In male-female interaction, especially among young people who have are not in a recognized class of available/unavailable, sexual overtones are present, even if sexuality is not because the potential for an escalation of committment in terms of norms of conduct (friendship, dating, engagement, marriage), is available. In all cases, this is true, since there the possibility for more in the future and with heterosexual friends, an offer will not cause aversion. This possibility and the prevalent view that dating includes exploration of sexuality (recent studies in adolescent behavior show that girls are defining new sexual norms and are unwilling to engage in sexual acts outside of relationships defined as gf/bf) creates if not overt tension, then covert tension due to mutual recognition of possibilities. Always, unless availability changes at which point people are classified as one social construct or another (again, friend, date, fiancee, mate is what seems to occur in western societies).
With that in mind, back to your question. My answer depends on your very wording. If friendship is recognized as an insitutuion and places limits on modes of interaction by creating norms and if the particular relationship isn't defined by the people, and if the people are attached to culture and society in such a way that they want to engage in the social constructs, it is possible, but the "more" daemon may potentially haunt.
If the people have enough knowledge (my emphasis on age and pointing out of young people in the first paragraph) of the world, of themselves, and of Good, then they are strong and do not require social constructs and can meet one another in life without worry. This is typical of same-sex friendships and can occur in male-female interaction, but rarely does, because as I have already said, expectation is there and people are conditioned by society. In this case, the answer again is yes, a friendship and a meeting if the minds is possible between people of different genders, though often in these cases the relationship is close and most people who find this sort of relationship wind up entering commitments on a marital level or at least in the preliminary dating levels.
That's for possibility. Personally for me, yes it is possible and yes I do have friendships with females, all of which during the past 4-5 years have not reached sexuality on my part, although I question your definition of "best" since every friendship I have is close and personal and potentially fits this label. Having spent some time thinking about people's needs, desires, cravings, etc, I noticed that many females, especially younger ones, want companionship with males to discover individual differences. They would like to do this in a safe way without the sexual overtones and without expectations. Ideally, this would occur frequently and equality would prevail. However, as OT demonstrates, so many personal issues of esteem, of worth, and of genuine need for intimacy creates problems for either or both parties, possibly destroying a friendship. Females have told me "I wish I could have a close male friend, just to talk to and enjoy spending time with and not having to think about marriage". That's what I am to them since it's a good experience. Long-term commitments frighten people; they think it means giving something away and fail to focus on the benefits (helloooo tax breaks and deductions
).
Knowing this, I have and strive to have interactions with females since mutual benefit can come about through discovery and a sharing of life with people. This issue is brought up very early in these types of interactions to ensure safety and understanding as well as eliminate barriers to disclosure, trust, and intimacy.
It sounds strange since my ideas and definitions are built up on a single concept of love as
agape, but I guess I say it's possible because I'm not only good at using linux, I know how unix-users feel as well.
Now let me address something
HC posted, since this is a mutual interest and judging from the number of posts in this thread, something she'd like to know more about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by: HotChic
So does that mean that my close guy friends are bound to 'like' me sooner or later? I won't buy that, I know them, I frequently know who they're interested in, and I don't think any of them see me as being someone they could ever date.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah, how naive. Trust me, most guys that become friends with girls... are ATTRACTED to that girl and would have a relationship with her at the drop of the dime. Don't delude yourself, that's how it is, they wouldn't be associating with you if they didn't find you attractive. Now, if they already have girlfriends and hang out with you, then it may be less of an issue, but if they are single, there is some level going on there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so true, why do you females think guys approached them to begin with? Surely not to say, hey that girl looks like shed be a good friend 99% of the time after this guys are friends with the girl because they couldn't get with her and are just hanging around hoping for a chance. Of course there are still isolated incidents of this not being true, but not most of the time
The purist idealist in you misses this truism,
HC. This may be missed because people fear potential rejection and as you pointed out before "much more goes on in guys' minds than they let on". The forces of attraction (in young people particularly) create unnoticed dynamics and unnoticed overtones. For most males, friendship is just a way to show how desirable they are in the hopes of eventually "taking it to the next level". This is because of fundamental human drives of empathy and companionship and because society, and often parents, place such a high emphasis on marriage. The life trajectory of a typical person is school, college, job, marriage, home purchase, saving for retirement, work/career, raise kids, set them free, retire and enjoy the money. For most people, mate-seeking is absolutely huge so in their eyes for reasons of continuity and for reasons of personal happiness and need-fulfillment. The potential exists, unless it conforms to some definition I've made above or fits some new norm I have not heard or seen (certainly possible) or thought of.
If you define 'like' as infatuation or sexual attraction (there is a huge ambiguity of terms here and people often have unclear views on the dynamics of this whole phnomenon), then that too is likely, even if briefly or in moments of "detached aesthetic appreciation" because males ARE visual creatures and most of them objectify. The ones who claim otherwise, are automatically subject to extreme scrutiny. If you really examine, you'll see there is a deviancy between words and behavior most of the time. mmm
In your case, I don't know if what I say truly applies (but I think it does, I've come up across so few exceptions that it's a near certainty), since you hang out with some really weird people.
Cheers !
Facebook
Twitter