is it acceptable for a married man to tell another woman that he loves her....

[obiwaynekenobi]

even if he realizes that he actully does.

I have this friend of mine who is a complete and total moron. he's married and has not had the most... stable marriage. when they fight she bites, screams hits, throws things and has pulled a knife on him once. he has not even hit her, he's been on that will let any woman nearly beat him to death and he won't even so much as defend himself. I've known him nearly my entire life he hasn't touched her. he's a firm believer in "woman are delicate and fragile"

The Girl he just told that he loved is an Ex-Fiancee. and she just recently got married.

he wants to file for divorce but he is scared of his wife.

 

[gittyup]

First, since his ex-fiance just got married, your friend should leave her alone and let her marriage work. Second, he needs to get the hell away from that psycho he is married to. :Q

 

[thereds]

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

 

[Azraele]

I wouldn't think it's a good idea to tell another woman you love her (barring family/friends, of course). Seems like it's just asking for trouble.

In your friend's case, although he's got some circumstances, it is no more right, especially since he told a married woman this.

However, urge him to get help. Battering is battering, whether it comes from a man or a woman, and makes it no more right. If she evern does go as far as knifing him, and he gets killed, it's be tragic, especially since it could be averted if he sought help now. I know things are easier said than done, however, especially if he's frightened of her, which he has every right to be. Fear is a great motivator, and in this case, he's motivated to do nothing, since doing something could result in her hurting him. It's an awful situation.

Be there for him. have him write out a list of what his life is like now, and what it might be like if he filed for divorce. Have him weigh his options. Help him through this decision. Maybe even take him someplace like a field trip) that will show him that he doesn't have to live like that.

Your friend is in my thoughts. If I can help, feel free to pm or email me.

 

[SirFshAlot]

even if he realizes that he actully does.

HUH?!?!?!?!?

as opposed to what?
that sentence doesn't make any sense in the context.

 

[warcleric]

You mean that isnt a normal marriage?

*looking at my wife differently*

 

[Azraele]

<<even if he realizes that he actully does.>>

He's differentiating between real love as opposed to someone who says &quot;I love you&quot; just to get what he/she wants.

In his friend's case, he's realized he loves this woman, but is asking if it's acceptable for him to tell her this.

 

[Isla]

Sounds like he needs a qualified counselor to talk to. In my experience, people are never just 'victims'. I am NOT saying what his wife is doing is okay... what I AM saying is that he chose to marry a psychopath and he needs to understand why he has made this poor choice. While there IS a possibility it was a fluke, chances are good that he is following a pattern that he will continue to repeat until he gets to the bottom of his own issues.

I married a guy who seemed friendly and nice on the outside, but he was an abusive SOB behind closed doors. I divorced him and married &quot;Mr Perfect&quot; who was also a hard, cold, controlling jerk. I almost divorced a second time but Mr Perfect turned out to be a diamond in the rough... we had to go to counseling, but since he got his anger under control, things have been much, much better!

I realize that it is my pattern to be drawn to abusive types because I have issues with self-esteem. Your friend may have similar problems, so please let him know that unless he wants to repeat the same mistakes over and over, he should talk to a licensed mental health specialist.

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< even if he realizes that he actully does.

HUH?!?!?!?!?

as opposed to what?
that sentence doesn't make any sense in the context. >>



I've been reading up on a lot of this. and there seems to be a common theme. When things get bad at home withere it's sexual or emtionaly. (in this case it's both) People have a tendecy to revert back to a time or a person or sitution that was under their control. it makes them feel secure. most of the time the feelings created are false but rarely it sparks real emtions.

Azerle: I love the idea of writing down what life would be like before and after I'll sit down and do it with him. I'd have him PM you but he doesn't even own a computer.

Gee, I'll bet you thought that I didn't know anyone like that huh?

 

[Libra]

<< is it acceptable for a married man to tell another woman that he loves her.... >>



sure! then he should be ready to give his insane wife half of everything he's got. she'll sue him for divorce on rounds of infidelity and he'll up a creek without a paddle. maybe if he's lucky, his crazy spouse will call this other woman as a respondent thereby humiliating her and her new husband.

he needs to document her abuse with police reports and photographs or he'll get screwed by the legal system sooner or later.

 

[LordMaul]

<< You mean that isnt a normal marriage?

*looking at my wife differently* >>




Your wife is nice to me.


Err, was I not supposed to say that?

 

[acbimmer]

We're all friends here at the forums , you can tell us it's you


----------------------

Buy My Stuff

Rigs

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< he needs to document her abuse with police reports and photographs or he'll get screwed by the legal system sooner or later. >>



it's the childern I'm worried about. but the strange thing is that the kids don't seem to notice that their mommy and daddy aren't happy. they are about the happiest childern I have ever meet. and they are 3 years and 19 months old.

I could see her intentionaly trying to keep him away from the kids. although he has started to take pictures of his &quot;battle scars&quot; for proof. he says he knows he loves her in the way that she is the mother of his childern but there are no other feelings involded.

here is a strange question. what is by chance his ex resipercates his feelings? I mean if it's not bad enough. it could go from worse to deadly.

 

[Stark]

Friend: &quot;I'm a loser&quot;
(points to wife) &quot;She's a loser&quot;
Chorus: &quot;We're big losers&quot;

Friend (to ex-GF): &quot;Wouldn't you like to be a loser too?&quot;

 

[mztykal]

<< *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

Psycho Hose Beast Alert

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* >>




LOL!

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Perhaps counseling would help your friends, I think it's worth a try since they already have children together.

I see no point in his telling the other woman he &quot;loves&quot; her, it sounds like he is confused. And unless she also has problems I can't see that she would be reciprocating especially since she just married someone else.

 

[glenn1]

<< The Girl he just told that he loved is an Ex-Fiancee. and she just recently got married. >>



What, did he figure that he doesn't have enough going on in his life already?

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

At first I thought that he was looking for a way out.

and I'm not totaly sure that is what he is still doing.

acbimmer: I happen to be very happy with my marriage thank you. it's not me.
Although my wife and I have run across several couples that we knew when we got married that have divorced or in the proccess of. it's frighting.

 

[tm37]

The really sad part about this is that this country does not really look at battered husbands as a group in need of help. It takes a brave man to admit his lady is tossing him around. He hould seek counceling and get away from this distrubed woman. Please tell me there are no kids involved. Also leave the Ex girl out of it. That should not be an option.