Is anyone good at Conclusion Paragraphs? If so - COME TO THIS THREAD!

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
Alright, I have to write a small report and I can't come up with a conclusion. Yes, I know you are thinking "God - not another dumb high schoolers report!". But hey, since you guys are much smarter than me - you can lend some of your brains to help me out :) I have been working on the report for the last hour, so it's rushed and it's not very good. My AP biology teacher doesn't grade our reports by any guidelines - just as long as they sound good, so I'm not concentrating on great quality writing. Here's everyhting but the conclusion:

<FONT size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">Conjoined twins, commonly known as Siamese twins, are some of the rarest and peculiar anomalies that occur in human nature and in biology. This disorder occurs when a fertilized female egg partially splits apart in a woman?s uterus, which forms two humans; both connected to each other. Overtime, we have witnessed many documentations of them, ranging from stories of Greek Gods to the reports of conjoined twins of today. Although many people know what conjoined twins are, few people know how this disorder occurs, and how or if it can be treated.

Throughout history, conjoined twins have appeared in myths and legends. The Greek and Roman God Janus had one body, but two heads. Centaurs, a combination of horse and man, may have been inspired by conjoined twins who often have four legs, and a common symbol, the Double-Headed Eagle, is common throughout central Europe.

In the 16th century, French doctor Ambroise Pare set out to discover the cause of this disorder. He came up with several inaccurate theories about why some twins are conjoined, including too much constriction in the womb, little space in a womb, tight clothing, and the position in which a woman sat while pregnant. These early theories were used when scientists two centuries later suggested that conjoined twins resulted from the blending of two independent twin embryos or from the fertilization of one egg by two sperm.

The most well known Siamese twins are Chang and Eng Bunker, who were joined by a narrow band of flesh in which their livers were connected. When the brothers immigrated into the United States from Siam, they could find little work due to their disability. They joined a popular carnival, in which they were billed as ?The Joined Siamese Twin Brothers?, and this is where the well known term ?Siamese Twins? originated from. Chang and Eng led fairly normal lives, in which they each had a wife, and many children.

Conjoined twins start in their lives the same way every human starts life. When an egg is fertilized in a woman?s uterus, it typically begins rapidly dividing and forming what will later be a human. In day one of the cell?s life, it becomes a ball of cells called a zygote. It is protected by an outer protective covering, or shell. The original cell has divided into many cells, and at this point continues this division until the fourth day. On the forth day, something unique happens. The outer covering opens up, and the zygote?s cells spill out. The cells then clump up in two, or more groups. The most common grouping is the grouping of two cells, but more can form. By day 10, these cell groupings then separate and form their own coverings. This is where an error may occur, resulting in conjoined twins. When the cells start to clump, they don?t become completely separated from each other, and form two connected and identical zygotes. As they form into embryos and then fetuses, the area where they weren?t completely separated is where they will be connected.

The possibilities of giving birth to conjoined twins ranges from 1 in 50,000 to 1 in 100,000. The majority of conjoined twins are females, and 75% of all twins are born stillborn, or die within the first 24 hours after birth. Depending where the twins are joined, the majority of them share organs, including the heart, brain, and liver. While in the womb, they also share a single umbilical cord, which is often large and misshapen. The types of conjunctions vary, but a vast majority fit into the following 6 categories based on their positions and where they are connected:
1. Thoraopagus ? joined at the thorax. This is the most common form of attachment, occurring in 35%-45% of all cases. These twins usually share a chest wall, or heart, or lungs.
2. Omphalopagus ? joined at the abdomen. This is the second most common form of attachment, accounting for at least 34% of cases. These twins typically share abdominal organs, and the attachment can span from the waist to the lower breastbone.
3. Pygopagus ? joined along the back. Accounting for 20% of cases, these twins can share a spinal column.
4. Ischiopagus ? joined at the pelvis. About 6% of all conjoined twins have this condition, with the twins joined by the coccyx and the sacrum.
5. Craniopagus ? joined at the head. 2% of all cases are with the twins joined at the head. The severity can range from just sharing the epidermis and cranial bones, to the sharing of one brain with two bodies.
6. Dicephalus ? one body with two separate heads and necks. The rarest of all cases, the twins usually have only one body, supporting two different heads and necks.
Although the majority of conjoined twins fit into these categories, the range of the conjunction varies greatly. One of the twins could form normally, while the other lacks many physiological features. They may be missing either the lower or upper half of their bodies, they may share limbs, and sometimes one of the twins is dependant on the other to make up for it?s missing features (heat, liver, etc).

In the majority of cases, when the conjoined twins are born, the first thing doctors assess is the possibility of separation. If the twins share only minor fusion of bones, and have complete sets of vital organs for which each could be sustained, doctors usually attempt separation. If the twins only have one vital organ (heart, liver, brain) to support them both, they are usually not separated, or they are separated, leaving only one surviving twin. Separation surgeries are usually very difficult due to the fact that doctors need to divide the twins separately, with equal amounts of their shared organs. Sometimes this is very difficult since one of the twin?s organs is usually weaker than the others, and in this case, the weaker twin depends on the stronger one to survive. Separation possibilities are unique in every case, due to the fact that all of the cases of conjoined twins are different.

Recently, there have been many successes and failures in conjoined twin separation. Last April, Jamuna and Ganga Shrestha were successfully separated. They had been conjoined at the head, sharing the same brain cavities. In an unrelated story, last year British courts ruled that two conjoined twins had to be separated against the parent?s wishes. The two children, whose identities were kept secret, were joined at the stomach. One baby was fully developed, and had regular organs, while the other didn?t have any lungs or a heart. The second twin was living off of the other twins organs. If separated, the weaker twin would die, but the stronger one would live. The parents didn?t want the twins separated because they saw it as killing one of them, but the courts ruled differently. This case is a testimonial about how complex and ethical separation can be. Many twins who have not been separated have led normal and productive lives, such as Chang and Eng Bunker.
*****conclusion goes here******

Thanks!</SPAN></FONT></FONT>
 

Capn

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2000
2,716
0
0
I thought about reading it, but with all that formatting crap in there it gave me a headache, trying just pasting the text.
 

jacklutz

Senior member
Aug 13, 2001
605
0
0
Write your own conclusion paragraphs. They may suck at first, but they'll get better and you can't very well be dependant on a forum of strangers to do part of your assignments.
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
I know I should reiterate the main points in the conclusion, but I need a direction to go.....
 

Hossenfeffer

Diamond Member
Jul 16, 2000
7,462
1
0
Your choices:

"And that's the truth, damnit."

"By krackie, all I said was God's honest truth, or my name ain't Whistlin bloedie"

"No wait, forget what I said"

"That muscly guy Arnold was in a movie called Twins. He was brothers with Danny Devito who is short and kinda fat. I think it was funny. I rented it on beta and watched it last night with my dog fluffy. Fluffy has fleas that make her itch. I like frogs"


Gotta side with the argument of doing them yourself. Several years ago I asked a similar question and got a similar response. You'll get more out of making the discovery yourself. Create the paragraph, no matter how good or bad it is. From there, mold it until you feel it summarizes your point. Don't use us as a crutch. (You've seen what sort of drivel I spout ;) )

edit:
I recently got out of a similar predicament in regards to my resume. I've never really done one since I work primarily as an actor and have a different sort of resume for that. For 5 years I kept saying I'd do a resume. I mean heck, it's not hard. The thing was, I'd never practiced it. Take the plunge to create something first and then shape it to hone your skills and sharpen your tools. You'll get more out of it.
 

HamSupLo

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2001
4,021
0
0
"And in conclusion..."

then reword what you said in your intro. ;) Didn't you know what already?
 

Spendthrift

Senior member
Oct 22, 2001
500
0
0
well if you have a thesis its easier to come up with a conclusion. couldnt find a thesis though. i was gonna write one for you, but then i began thinking how pissed id be if one of my students had someone else write their conclusion for them. and that settled it for me. so find some resources on the net about how to write a good conclusion and do it. its really easy. you already know to summarize the main points so do it.


spendthrift <----- high school english teacher
 

Flat

Banned
Jan 18, 2001
929
0
0


<< well if you have a thesis its easier to come up with a conclusion. couldnt find a thesis though. i was gonna write one for you, but then i began thinking how pissed id be if one of my students had someone else write their conclusion for them. and that settled it for me. so find some resources on the net about how to write a good conclusion and do it. its really easy. you already know to summarize the main points so do it.


spendthrift <----- high school english teacher
>>



Hey! Kids write like this all the time! You have to have a thesis, 5 paragraphs! I really hate american writing teachers, I mean really hate them. 99% of their students write mindless sludge. [/Rant]

btw I made highest marks possible on my Literature A-Levels
 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,440
101
91
Don't forget to read over for typos. I just skimmed it and caught two - overtime should be over time and heat should be heart, end of second to last paragraph I think.
 

jthsmak

Senior member
Jul 5, 2001
732
0
0


<<

<< well if you have a thesis its easier to come up with a conclusion. couldnt find a thesis though. i was gonna write one for you, but then i began thinking how pissed id be if one of my students had someone else write their conclusion for them. and that settled it for me. so find some resources on the net about how to write a good conclusion and do it. its really easy. you already know to summarize the main points so do it.


spendthrift <----- high school english teacher
>>



Hey! Kids write like this all the time! You have to have a thesis, 5 paragraphs! I really hate american writing teachers, I mean really hate them. 99% of their students write mindless sludge. [/Rant]

btw I made highest marks possible on my Literature A-Levels
>>



So damn true. BTW he isn't trying to prove anything (I think) so a thesis is not necessary. He is reporting on a specific topic.
 

Spendthrift

Senior member
Oct 22, 2001
500
0
0
id disagree. this is an expository essay right?



<< Expository essays require that the the writer give information, explain the topic or define something. To accomplish that, they are best developed by the use of facts and statistical information, cause and effect relationships, or examples. Since they are factual, they are written without emotion and usually written in the third person. That means that the use of the pronoun "I" is not usually found within the essay.

Expository essays also have a distinct format.

The thesis statement must be defined and narrow enough to be supported within the essay.

Each supporting paragraph must have a distinct controlling topic and all other sentences must factually relate directly to it. The transition words or phrases are important as they help the reader follow along and reinforce the logic.

Finally, the conclusion paragraph should originally restate the thesis and the main supporting ideas. Finish with the a statement that reinforces your position in a meaningful and memorable way.

Never introduce new material in the conclusion.
>>



however, i suppose that the thesis is along the lines of how the disorder occurs and methods of treatment.

so the conclusion needs to briefly restate and summarize the causation and treatment of conjoined twins. should be easy.

have fun
 

mithrandir2001

Diamond Member
May 1, 2001
6,545
1
0
That is definitely not the writing of a high schooler. If this is genuinely your writing, you should have the skills intact to write a conclusion paragraph.

And no: "And in conclusion..." is NOT a good way to start the conclusion. For a speech, maybe, but not for text.
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
Alright, I'm done. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be - but it did take the most effort out of everyhting in the paper. Thanks for your help...

Conjoined twins are truly a unique happening in nature, and have been regarded as Gods in some cultures. They start their lives as one cell, but grow into two joined humans. They come in all shapes and sizes, and can even be separated through surgery. Scientist have had many successes in separating them, and hopefully one day all conjoined twins will have that opportunity.

i know it isn't great - but I am tired and it sounds good enough to me :)
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81


<< That is definitely not the writing of a high schooler. If this is genuinely your writing, you should have the skills intact to write a conclusion paragraph. And no: "And in conclusion..." is NOT a good way to start the conclusion. For a speech, maybe, but not for text. >>



Thanks :)
 

dionx

Diamond Member
Mar 11, 2001
3,500
1
81
i like to start my conclusion paragraphs for college essays with "In sum, ...". Then i just resummarize all the main points that relate back to the thesis.
 

Kenazo

Lifer
Sep 15, 2000
10,429
1
81
Actually I've found that writing the intro and conclusion are the easiest parts. Basically tell them what you're going to say, say it, and then tell them what you said. That's a good paper. You're not writing a speech, this doesn't have to end with a bang. Good paper writing involves bringing across knowledge or argument clearly and concisely. That's what the conclusion is about. Oh, and write the intro after you finish the paper, it makes a better read.

Btw, I've got almost 10MB of papers on disk. So believe me I know what makes a good paper:) Just felt like a little brag there...