Is a lie a lie if it's not intentional?

[Zysoclaplem]

Let's say a friend is going to meet you for dinner at 7. He/She says they will be there at 7. They showed up at 7:30. Unforeseen circumstances. Is that a lie? They said one thing, and did another. But not intentionally.
What about if you invite someone to a party, and they say they will come. Then they completely and honestly forget, and never attend. Is that considered a lie, even though they had every intention of coming?
So basically is saying one thing and doing another unintentionally considered a lie?

 

[DougK62]

No, that's not a lie.

 

[Aikouka]

Technically, yes.

To any normal person, no.

Saying something that's not true is a lie (ignoring lying by omission). If you say "I will be there" and then you're not, you technically lied. Now, someone should also check into what happened, because as this thread mentions, it may not have been intentional. If it wasn't intentional, most people wouldn't treat it like it was.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

So what would it be called? An unintentional false statement?
If someone tells me something, and does another, I consider it a lie. Any circumstances that could be foreseen should be foreseen and should be provided during the statement...

i.e. I will be home at 7, unless the boss keeps me there late again.
i.e. I will try to be at your party, chances are good I will show up but anything could happen.

 

[jlbenedict]

So, you got stood up?

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
So what would it be called? An unintentional false statement?

It's called a "my bad."

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: jlbenedict
So, you got stood up?

No no, I am just tired of my SO saying he will be home at 8, and coming home at 9 from work.
He said he would be home at 8 and so I made us dinner. By the time he got home it was cold and nasty. I told him I don't appreciate being lied to, and next time he wants dinner he can cook it for himself.

 

[DougK62]

A lie implies that when the statement was made he already had in his head that it wasn't true.

So maybe you were lied to and maybe you weren't - it depends on if when he told you he'd be home at 8 if that was what he really thought, or if he really knew he'd be home at 9 and was just playing you.

 

[K1052]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: jlbenedict
So, you got stood up?

No no, I am just tired of my SO saying he will be home at 8, and coming home at 9 from work.
He said he would be home at 8 and so I made us dinner. By the time he got home it was cold and nasty.

I too have a SO who is temporally challenged. I typically add 15-30 minutes to all time estimates. It's just he way he is.

 

[dennilfloss]

The general term is 'falsehood'. An intentional falsehood is a lie, intent to deceive is necessary.

 

[allisolm]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: jlbenedict
So, you got stood up?

No no, I am just tired of my SO saying he will be home at 8, and coming home at 9 from work.
He said he would be home at 8 and so I made us dinner. By the time he got home it was cold and nasty. I told him I don't appreciate being lied to, and next time he wants dinner he can cook it for himself.

If he often says he'll be home at 8 and comes home at 9, why do you prepare dinner for 8, unless you're prepared to eat yours and put his away for later?

In your OP neither example is a lie.

 

[Skotty]

It's only a lie if they know it's untrue at the time it is said.

Some examples:

* John tells you Jeff's car is blue. You tell your Mom Jeff has a blue car. Jeff shows up, and his car is red. Did you lie to your Mom? No. You were just misinformed.
* You tell your Mom you will be there at 10am. Half way there, a drunk hits your car and sends you to the hospital. Did you lie to your Mom? No. You just had unforseen circumstances.
* Your son points to a plane and asks what it is. You tell him it's a Boeing 737. It was actually a Boeing 717. Did you lie to your son? No. You are just wrong.

So if the husband thinks he will be home at 8 each day, but often comes home at 9, it doesn't mean he is lying. Unreliable perhaps, and there are things he can and probably should do to improve his accuracy, but not lying IMO.

There are cases where you are adament about not being wrong. Like if you make a promise to someone. In such cases, you can avoid these situations with careful wording.

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
So what would it be called?

It depends. Most likely you'd call it "a mistake." If the boss kept them at work, a call could be nice if their presence was important (if they're just another guest at a party, it may not be a big deal). If they get delayed because of a flat tire on the road or something, it's unforseen circumstances.

 

[FusionKnight]

As far as I'm concerned, a lie is only a lie if the person telling the lie believes what he or she is saying to be false. For instance, if I believe that the sky is green and go around telling everyone that the sky is green, I'm not lying because there is no intent to deceive. Assuming your SO actually planned on being home by eight, it wasn't a lie because there was no intent to deceive.

FK

 

[Chryso]

You are really stretching the definition of lie here.
If you take a test and get less than 100% did you lie about the other answers?

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Chryso
You are really stretching the definition of lie here.
If you take a test and get less than 100% did you lie about the other answers?

If I tell you I am going to get 100% of the questions right on the test with every intention of getting 100% right, but miss 2 questions, did I lie? I did not intend to miss any. But I told you ahead of time I would not miss any.

 

[Roguestar]

If you know it to be untrue when you're saying it, it's a lie.

 

[crt1530]

Lie:
1. A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
2. Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.

Stop being such a woman.

 

[Alone]

A lie is intentionally deceiving someone. You have to know you're lying (to some extent) in order to be lying.

 

[jlbenedict]

A lie is not a lie, if you don't get caught

 

[Mr Incognito]

Stop getting so upset. Next time ask him to call you and say he will be back later than expected. It's alot more effective to ask him to do that than try to have a bunch of people in ATOT rationalize your rediculousness.

 

[randomlinh]

it's not a lie, it's called your SO can't stay on a timetable and you have to learn to compensate or drop em

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Meh I still think he is a liar.

 

[Chryso]

Ok, so if he is a liar you need to ditch him.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Chryso
Ok, so if he is a liar you need to ditch him.

Well it's not a huge deal worth leaving him.
It's just he says he doesn't lie. He just tells me one thing and does another.
I told him from now on to just tell me "might" instead of "will".
When people tell me they "will" do something and don't, I get upset. When people tell me they might do something, and don't, I knew very well they might not be able to.