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Invitation Etiquette

speg

speg

Diamond Member
So, apparently over Easter weekend my Aunt was up visiting the family and my Mother told her that my sister and I would go over to her place for dinner sometime this week.

I am 25, (sister 21), neither of us were asked if we were free or had prior plans. Apparently my sister talked to my Aunt and is okay with it this weekend, but I am in the midst of final exams, and quite frankly do not like having other people make plans on my behalf. I suggested to my sister that we stop at the Aunt's place next weekend on our way home - but my sister wants to go home earlier (at a time that would not be good for visiting).

Is this normal family behaviour or am I being anal?

(The Aunt lives about an hour from where we go to school. I have had no contact with my Aunt regarding this matter.)
 
If you don't want to go because of exams, then don't go. But don't blow it off just because someone else made plans for you. That wasn't your aunt's fault.
 
If you can't go, you can't go.

If you can go, don't punish your aunt or your sister - they didn't do anything wrong. Ask your mother to consult you before she makes plans for you again.
 
The Aunt has yet to contact me about this, so it kinda is her fault. If she wanted me to go for dinner, she should ask me, not my Mother. And my sister is being a brat by insisting we go this weekend instead of next.

Truth is, I only have 2 exams left (both not until Friday) and they are ridiculously easy. I probably want even look at the material until Wednesday or Thursday. But this is not the first time my Mother has done this and it is annoying as hell. So I won't go just to make a point to her. If that makes me an asshole, at least I still have my freedom.



 
Originally posted by: speg
The Aunt has yet to contact me about this, so it kinda is her fault. If she wanted me to go for dinner, she should ask me, not my Mother. And my sister is being a brat by insisting we go this weekend instead of next.

Truth is, I only have 2 exams left (both not until Friday) and they are ridiculously easy. I probably want even look at the material until Wednesday or Thursday. But this is not the first time my Mother has done this and it is annoying as hell. So I won't go just to make a point to her. If that makes me an asshole, at least I still have my freedom.
Click to expand...

Do you enjoy being an asshole? Is that really the kind of person you want to be?
 
Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: speg
The Aunt has yet to contact me about this, so it kinda is her fault. If she wanted me to go for dinner, she should ask me, not my Mother. And my sister is being a brat by insisting we go this weekend instead of next.

Truth is, I only have 2 exams left (both not until Friday) and they are ridiculously easy. I probably want even look at the material until Wednesday or Thursday. But this is not the first time my Mother has done this and it is annoying as hell. So I won't go just to make a point to her. If that makes me an asshole, at least I still have my freedom.
Click to expand...

Do you enjoy being an asshole? Is that really the kind of person you want to be?
Click to expand...

This doesn't make him an asshole. How he handles it might make him an asshole, but choosing not to go somewhere he didn't plan for doesn't qualify.
 
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: speg
The Aunt has yet to contact me about this, so it kinda is her fault. If she wanted me to go for dinner, she should ask me, not my Mother. And my sister is being a brat by insisting we go this weekend instead of next.

Truth is, I only have 2 exams left (both not until Friday) and they are ridiculously easy. I probably want even look at the material until Wednesday or Thursday. But this is not the first time my Mother has done this and it is annoying as hell. So I won't go just to make a point to her. If that makes me an asshole, at least I still have my freedom.
Click to expand...

Do you enjoy being an asshole? Is that really the kind of person you want to be?
Click to expand...

This doesn't make him an asshole. How he handles it might make him an asshole, but choosing not to go somewhere he didn't plan for doesn't qualify.
Click to expand...

Being so invested in giving his mother a big "fuck you" that he's willing to also give it to his sister and his aunt DOES qualify, IMHO.
 
Fuck that. Just dont go. If the aunt did not ask you personally then you have no obligation to go. Then tell your mom to stop making plans for you. The time is now to stand up for yourself.
 
Originally posted by: sixone
Being so invested in giving his mother a big "fuck you" that he's willing to also give it to his sister and his aunt DOES qualify, IMHO.
Click to expand...

Yeah... this is part of a larger problem with my Mother. She needs to let go, and accept that I'm not her "little boy" anymore. Good example, last year at a resort we were standing in line at the buffet, and I was going to get some pizza - she was getting fries. Standing right next to me she asks the cook if there's anymore pizza, because I want some. WTF? I can speak for myself thank you very much - AND there was still two pieces of pizza left! 😕

I'm not being rude about this, but my Mother does need to learn to mind her own business.
 
I'm a mom. With kids your age. Trust me, moms are idiots (we got that way by raising you).

When the rest of the world looks at you they see a mature, intelligent, contributing member of society. When mom looks at you she sees someone who she potty trained (and believe me, there were a lot of messes there). You're not going to get your mom to act like a disinterested friendly person. You're stuck with the lunatic. She's not going to let go. And let me remind you that you ARE her business - she made you.

In this situation, you need to look at things as if the offending party was a friend, mentor, boss, whatever. You would decide if you wanted to go or not, you'd contact your actual host, and you'd have a short conversation thanking the offending party for their interest and telling them that you are or aren't going. No whining.

But that would be boring, and you wouldn't have anything to post about.

PS If one of my kids actually had a polite response to something I annoyed them about, I'd fall over.
 
Originally posted by: princess ida
I'm a mom. With kids your age. Trust me, moms are idiots (we got that way by raising you).

When the rest of the world looks at you they see a mature, intelligent, contributing member of society. When mom looks at you she sees someone who she potty trained (and believe me, there were a lot of messes there). You're not going to get your mom to act like a disinterested friendly person. You're stuck with the lunatic. She's not going to let go. And let me remind you that you ARE her business - she made you.

In this situation, you need to look at things as if the offending party was a friend, mentor, boss, whatever. You would decide if you wanted to go or not, you'd contact your actual host, and you'd have a short conversation thanking the offending party for their interest and telling them that you are or aren't going. No whining.

But that would be boring, and you wouldn't have anything to post about.

PS If one of my kids actually had a polite response to something I annoyed them about, I'd fall over.
Click to expand...
Awesome post. I'm a dad with three teenagers and I see this in my wife every day.

:heart: princess ida
 
Originally posted by: speg
Originally posted by: sixone
Being so invested in giving his mother a big "fuck you" that he's willing to also give it to his sister and his aunt DOES qualify, IMHO.
Click to expand...

Yeah... this is part of a larger problem with my Mother. She needs to let go, and accept that I'm not her "little boy" anymore. Good example, last year at a resort we were standing in line at the buffet, and I was going to get some pizza - she was getting fries. Standing right next to me she asks the cook if there's anymore pizza, because I want some. WTF? I can speak for myself thank you very much - AND there was still two pieces of pizza left! 😕

I'm not being rude about this, but my Mother does need to learn to mind her own business.
Click to expand...

Yes, you are. You're acting like a spoiled little three year old whose mother told him to eat his green beans.

Your mother isn't doing anything illegal, immoral, or fattening. Cope with it.
 
Originally posted by: speg
Originally posted by: sixone
Being so invested in giving his mother a big "fuck you" that he's willing to also give it to his sister and his aunt DOES qualify, IMHO.
Click to expand...

Yeah... this is part of a larger problem with my Mother. She needs to let go, and accept that I'm not her "little boy" anymore. Good example, last year at a resort we were standing in line at the buffet, and I was going to get some pizza - she was getting fries. Standing right next to me she asks the cook if there's anymore pizza, because I want some. WTF? I can speak for myself thank you very much - AND there was still two pieces of pizza left! 😕

I'm not being rude about this, but my Mother does need to learn to mind her own business.
Click to expand...

:laugh: denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
 
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