Interesting story about "coming out"

[RightIsWrong]

The exerpt below made me think about a couple of things:

Complete Story

My reason for coming out now isn't to be some sort of hero. It's not something that I want to throw in people's faces. I'm just at a point in my life where I'm tired of having to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

I'm tired of having to hide my feelings about the person I care about. About the person I love. Some people might say my coming out after just winning the MVP Award is heroic, and I understand that. And I know there are going to be some negative things said, too. But it doesn't change who I am. I can't help who I fall in love with. No one can.

I didn't always know I was gay. I honestly didn't. Do I think I was born this way? No. And that's probably confusing to some, because I know a lot of people believe that you are.

I've been married, and I have an 8-year-old son. Being with a man was what I wanted. When I got divorced in 1999, it wasn't because I'm gay. I'm three years older than my ex-husband, and I matured a lot faster than he did.

My travel schedule was also hard on us. But I don't regret a thing. My marriage gave me my son, the love of my life. And his father and I are still friends and have joint custody.

Discovering I'm gay just sort of happened much later in life. My partner, Alisa Scott, was probably the best friend I had when I was going through the tough times in my marriage. She was a basketball coach, so we had a lot in common. She would ask, "Have you guys tried marriage counseling? Have you done everything you can possibly do to save your marriage?" And I just said, "You know what, I don't want to save my marriage. I don't. I'm done with it."

And so Alisa and I continued talking as friends. The thought of being intimate with her or any other woman never entered my mind. I've had plenty of gay friends I've hung out with, but that thought never entered my mind. At the same time, I'm also a firm believer that when you fall in love with somebody, you can't control that. Whether it's another woman. Whether it's another man. Whatever.

The questions that I have are:

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)

 

[rickn]

Originally posted by: RightIsWrong
The exerpt below made me think about a couple of things:

Complete Story

My reason for coming out now isn't to be some sort of hero. It's not something that I want to throw in people's faces. I'm just at a point in my life where I'm tired of having to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

I'm tired of having to hide my feelings about the person I care about. About the person I love. Some people might say my coming out after just winning the MVP Award is heroic, and I understand that. And I know there are going to be some negative things said, too. But it doesn't change who I am. I can't help who I fall in love with. No one can.

I didn't always know I was gay. I honestly didn't. Do I think I was born this way? No. And that's probably confusing to some, because I know a lot of people believe that you are.

I've been married, and I have an 8-year-old son. Being with a man was what I wanted. When I got divorced in 1999, it wasn't because I'm gay. I'm three years older than my ex-husband, and I matured a lot faster than he did.

My travel schedule was also hard on us. But I don't regret a thing. My marriage gave me my son, the love of my life. And his father and I are still friends and have joint custody.

Discovering I'm gay just sort of happened much later in life. My partner, Alisa Scott, was probably the best friend I had when I was going through the tough times in my marriage. She was a basketball coach, so we had a lot in common. She would ask, "Have you guys tried marriage counseling? Have you done everything you can possibly do to save your marriage?" And I just said, "You know what, I don't want to save my marriage. I don't. I'm done with it."

And so Alisa and I continued talking as friends. The thought of being intimate with her or any other woman never entered my mind. I've had plenty of gay friends I've hung out with, but that thought never entered my mind. At the same time, I'm also a firm believer that when you fall in love with somebody, you can't control that. Whether it's another woman. Whether it's another man. Whatever.

The questions that I have are:

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)

I think she can be cured. Now Carson Kressly, not a snowballs chance in hell.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: RightIsWrong
The questions that I have are:

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)

I think she may have been born with a propensity to be gay--I don't think it's something as clear cut as someone choosing to be gay or born gay.
It's possible that she was in denial, but also possible that she wasn't.
I think there may be just as much prejudice, but expressed in a different way.

 

[BaliBabyDoc]

1) She was probably born with an ambiguous bias. Virtually everyone is born with a particular sex (male/female). Gender and sexual preference have a strong biological basis but are quite malleable with time and experience. For instance, some men in prison (or the Navy) would NEVER consider sex with another man. Others would consider it but not act on it. While others were waiting for the opportunity.

2) See #1. It's possible but denial is usually ego-dystonic (you don't enjoy yourself). Swoopes appears to have no regrets about being married (to a man), presumptively having sex, and having her child. She had nothing to deny . . . if you believe her account. Maybe if she had a male confidante she wouldn't be switchin' to lefty.

Then again, she's not ambivalent. She's worried about the effect of her decision on other people, but appears quite pleased with her life and actions (ego-syntonic).

3) Overall, I'm sure the WNBA lockerroom is going to be far more accomodating. Granted, it helps by having a bunch of lesbians there. I don't know if Swoopes chose her words carefully on not. She appears to imply there's more than few in the WNBA.

 

[BoberFett]

In regards to question #1 & #2:

Why must a person pick a side and stay there?

I think once society moves to the point where homosexuality is accepted as a normal personality trait the next step will be to move beyond the need for labels. Straight, gay, they're meaningless and serve only to lock a person to a particular side in the great homosexuality debate.

Currently the anti-gay crowd believes homosexuality is a choice. The flip side believes that people are born gay. They're both wrong. I don't think people are born one way or another, or that they necessarily choose who they fall in love with. When a person falls in love they're falling in love with a person, not a set of genitals. The OP is asking if the author was in denial. Why does it matter? Why can't she be with a man for a while and a woman later on without being questioned? It sounds like she's being pegged as a traitor to "the cause".

Maybe someday we'll get beyond the need for labels and people can just love who they love.

 

[Moonbeam]

I have no idea what the true facts are for this person. What I do know is that I could no more fall in love with a man than I could get up and fly. I know that is and has been true all of my life and will be true till the day I die. I have zero zip nada no interest in having sexual love for a man. It simply is not an option, not a choice I deny. Perhaps this person simply has a capacity to love either sex.

 

[BoberFett]

Originally posted by: Moonbeam
I have zero zip nada no interest in having sexual love for a man.

Dammit, there goes my plans for this weekend...

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: BoberFett

Originally posted by: Moonbeam
I have zero zip nada no interest in having sexual love for a man.

Dammit, there goes my plans for this weekend...

How YOU doin'?

 

[Legend]

The questions that I have are:

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)

1. Not really. Not enough information. Is she not at all attracted to men now? I'm guessing she's bisexual...a 1-2 on the Kinsey scale.
2. I don't know.
3. Probably not.

 

[Moonbeam]

Originally posted by: BoberFett

Originally posted by: Moonbeam
I have zero zip nada no interest in having sexual love for a man.

Dammit, there goes my plans for this weekend...

Well, we can hold hand.

 

[EatSpam]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: RightIsWrong
The questions that I have are:

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)

I think she may have been born with a propensity to be gay--I don't think it's something as clear cut as someone choosing to be gay or born gay.
It's possible that she was in denial, but also possible that she wasn't.
I think there may be just as much prejudice, but expressed in a different way.

I think she was probably born bi, just didn't realize it.

 

[hurtstotalktoyou]

Nobody knows for certain what causes homosexuality, but it seems very unlikely that anyone would be "born that way."

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou
Nobody knows for certain what causes homosexuality, but it seems very unlikely that anyone would be "born that way."

In your opinion.

 

[OrByte]

I dont get what makes HER so special that she feels the need to come out. I was talking with a friend earlier about this, she thinks that there shouldnt be a problem when it comes to the team and the league accepting her the WNBA player as a lesbian. But here is what I dont get, in ALL of team sports NO ONE comes to mind immediately that has come out of the closet and openly expressed his/her homosexuality, its given and entirely possible that men and women that play football, basketball, baseball, softball whatever are gay, and its accepted but not OPENLY. Why did she feel the need to put her team and her league on the hot seat? did she discuss this with her teammates and owners before she opened her mouth? there is a dynamic here that the league and her team will have to cope with, and that is the fact that everyone now knows what the team has generally accepted that she is gay....but not EVERYONE is going to accept that.

just my .02

 

[hurtstotalktoyou]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou
Nobody knows for certain what causes homosexuality, but it seems very unlikely that anyone would be "born that way."

In your opinion.

That it is unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is my opinion. That it *seems* unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is a fact. Also, it is a fact that nobody knows exactly what causes homosexual behavior.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou
Nobody knows for certain what causes homosexuality, but it seems very unlikely that anyone would be "born that way."

In your opinion.

That it is unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is my opinion. That it *seems* unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is a fact. Also, it is a fact that nobody knows exactly what causes homosexual behavior.

Actually, people know exactly what causes homosexual behavior...homosexual attraction. It isn't just perfectly straight people deciding it's really time to have some fun with their own sex, I think we're coming around to thinking of homosexual attraction as being just as strong as heterosexual attraction. Whether or not this is true is something only gay people can answer, of course.

As for being born that way or not, again, we don't know. But as a straight person, I certainly can't see why someone who feels like I do about their own sex would ever want to be gay, so the logical conclusion is that they don't feel the same way I do. And I was born feeling this way (as far as I know...), it seems silly to assume their feelings don't come from the same place.

 

[inhotep]

1. Do you agree that she wasn't born gay?
-May be, could be chemical change in brain in later years that's not been classfied. Or, she was born bi-sexual but lost interest in men. Or, she was be she was not "aware" that it is what it is.

2. Do you think that she was just in denial?
she could be religious or raised in religious setting so there are many confusing about gay. I'm not aware of any religions that consider gay as acceptable or normal.

3. Do you think that there will be as much prejudice in a women's locker room as there would be in a men's locker room on a pro sports team? (this is based on comments from various athletes that I have read over the years stating that any guy that came out would basically be beat to a pulp)
No. I think women are less to confrom compare to men.

 

[hurtstotalktoyou]

Originally posted by: Rainsford

Actually, people know exactly what causes homosexual behavior...homosexual attraction.

That is a reasonable hypothesis, but no fact.

 

[shira]

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: hurtstotalktoyou
Nobody knows for certain what causes homosexuality, but it seems very unlikely that anyone would be "born that way."

In your opinion.

That it is unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is my opinion. That it *seems* unlikely anyone would be born homosexual is a fact. Also, it is a fact that nobody knows exactly what causes homosexual behavior.

Actually, it's just the opposite. "That it seems unlikely anyone would be born homosexual" is most certainly NOT a fact. We're talking about "seeming" here. And what "seems" to be true is that people are indeed born homosexual (high estrogen or testosterone levels in the womb; genes). Of course, it you completely ignore scientific articles and believe that science is a cult, then you are apt to assimilate anti-knowledge like most of the rest of the religious right. In that case, it's quite understandable that YOU would think that "it seems unlikely" that anyone would be born homosexual, primarily because you don't believe that God would create homosexuals.

 

[hurtstotalktoyou]

Originally posted by: shira
Actually, it's just the opposite. "That it seems unlikely anyone would be born homosexual" is most certainly NOT a fact.

Before we get too much further along, let's make sure we can agree on what we're discussing. "Seems" is a sort of disclaimer, similar to "in my opinion." Somebody called me on these silly rules of wording, and I briefly defended myself. But I wouldn't get too caught up in them, since they are peripheral to the actual issues of homosexuality and biology.

We're talking about "seeming" here. And what "seems" to be true is that people are indeed born homosexual

To you, I'm sure it does seem that way. To me, it does not.

(high estrogen or testosterone levels in the womb; genes). Of course, it you completely ignore scientific articles and believe that science is a cult, then you are apt to assimilate anti-knowledge like most of the rest of the religious right. In that case, it's quite understandable that YOU would think that "it seems unlikely" that anyone would be born homosexual, primarily because you don't believe that God would create homosexuals.

Well, thankfully I am agnostic, so you can drop your anti-religious spiel right now. As for your obvious belief that homosexuality is in-born, so to speak, I am sorry to say that it has no scientific basis. I'm not sure what "high estrogen or testosterone levels in the womb" is supposed to mean, but I can assure you that ratios of these sex hormones have not been proven to cause or even correspond to abnormal sexual orientation. As for genes, well, there's not even a "straight gene," much less a "gay gene"--at least, none has yet been discovered.

 

[Kadarin]

I don't necessarily think she's gay. If you define "gay" as being sexually attracted ONLY to your own gender, then she may or may not be, given that the quote made by the OP doesn't indicate whether she was ever attracted to men in any way.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
I don't necessarily think she's gay. If you define "gay" as being sexually attracted ONLY to your own gender, then she may or may not be, given that the quote made by the OP doesn't indicate whether she was ever attracted to men in any way.

she identifies as lesbian, not gay.