[this ended up into an unexpected wall of text, the first few paragraphs are super short summary, detailed below from start to finish, something got to me to do this, i usually don't write like this but just happens to have no bad effects remembering so I went for it, it's an exception more then regular forum talk ofcourse]
Funny question, because I didn't, I made first 3 classes, historically i was a very good student pre, didn't bother to do the last one and went straight for paid graduation test (costs 100 euros and you can skip the classes, i didn't knew it existed until the last 2 years)
basically i repeated the 3rd class, and then was doing 3 years the last one with the paid-skip-straight to graduation test, i went to a few tests but in the middle i got a deal with my parents to start working some business and with friends so i just shut down the whole school stuff for good.
but I failed the 3rd class in first round, because of family arguments and basically i wanted to get more independent, basically my parents didn't understand what means to grow up and to stop acting like im some small child, so basically i had a weak mind, i was weak psychologicall from birth so i didn't took the failure of 3rd class very much, so i distanced myself from life, i played a lot of games at the time to escape from reality, and my father hated computer games so much he was freaking out (long story), basically all the mix of things made things so bad I was basically socially incapable of talking, making new firends, totally demoralized, and sitting at the PC i had all the time in the world at the time, so youtube at the time which was not censored and manipulated like it was, was dominated by a channel called NufffRespect, a very popular conspiracy channel, i learned a lot from that, so then i got to know about all the alex jones movies, watched all of that, but for me (CONTINUED BELOW***), while i had many psychologicical problems made from arguing and bullying (elementary school bullying was destructive, between friends and from gypsies who beat us up every week and forcing us to say foul words) at the core I was still smart and I had no problems with school grades, i was usually around better than middle, but in highschool it progressively went downward, my mind was not , father kept insulting me and did not offer proper support, huge arguments every week with both parents for little non-issues such as dust on the floor, spilled clean water on table, it was clear they were basically searching to find something to argue about, petty 10 year old crap like that (won't go more into that i don't like to think about it, it's over now) so I was smart enough I knew parents had no idea how to do their job, so I basically went full throttle resistance, i didn't want to be under their stupid control because I though their means and ways were dictatorial, I was the oldest, I was blamed for twice as more as younger brother. Basically I was the peacemaker, I tried to intervene and explain what really happened, from very young age, I detected that my parents always made weird and poor decisions and conclusions when they came home to find some signs of trouble, i wanted to explain, but because they were behaving out of control without no self-control, I was double punished for "talking back", this confused my mind because i did not understand at the time, but it was clear later that I was already picked to be the guilty one so i got the double punishment many times, my parents simply made up half of the story, this went on for many years and as years passed by it got worse and it blew up in the 3rd class of high-school, when I simply shut down, i couldn't cope it anymore, i wanted to be alone in my room all time talking to nobody at all, because every single discussion with parents ended up in arguing and wild screaming. Basically i was being blamed for everything, it was a very unhealthy system, the mood of my parents was decided by school grades, still, i always had the best scores, but their thinking was that if they don't keep yelling, i won't make good scores, so their attitude was because they had fear i would bring a low grade next time even if I got the best score just a day ago.
So i was extremely angry because I knew i was right, and parent's didnt listen, i have grown a big resistance in myself, and an effort to be independent, so im not one of those childs who grows up following all the bad stuff his father did, because I knew it was wrong, I knew i don't want to be like him at all, so that's why full resistance, and yes, my resistance has indeed made things worse many times, but that was still the beginning, i still was depressed and my strategy did not work as good in practise as it looked like in theory, i made promises to make school, and I really honestly did want to finish school, but my mind was so destroyed, the arguing was mixed with all the school stuff, i ended up with a permanent psychological response against school books, I was psychologically unable to focus and find attention to pick up books and read them, as much as I wanted to, i couldn't do it, i was forcing my self, and it didn't work, i was scared as well, being in the verge of being thrown out of the house, constant fear and agony.
This Nufffrespect guy was extremely instrumental in creating a huge conspiracy community on youtube that is today. Account got banned from youtube a few years ago after the more strict contentID stuff was developed. He doesn't use this nickname anymore because of impersonators.
So in the start, it wasn't conspiracy stuff that started my downfall, it was the system, what this did was supercharge it, but in the end it had an opposite effect as expected, i was still smart, from the info my mind received, double edged sword, at the same time when I was extremely scared and worried which ofcourse made all the psychological problems even worse, the idea the the new world order plans to exterminate +90% of the population in the next 50 years; CONTINUED FROM ABOVE ANCHOR *** but for me, this info did not make a usual psychological defense mechanism response, i didn't had that defence mechanism trigger like most people do as they are indoctrinated in the system so they are programmed to defend status quo, remember, I was already battling opression from parents so I've grown up to be a resistor, so basically I had no limits to the amount or the intensity of the information I was looking at, and boy was it destructive, I was a beginner in all of that, I didn't knew It wasn't the right way to go in full speed like that, so I did mistakes, huge ones, I found some satanic conspiracy videos about devils and that scared the hell out of me so I couldn't even walk at nights outside because my mind was uncontrollably trying to think about alien and devil faces, i had to buy headphones for my phone and load it up with a ton of pop/dance/heavy metal music to keep my mind busy to escape all these scarry alien faces, It was also the time when i started exercising, because I had to, i found on the net it lowers depression, I had no choice, i was basically fat and untrained person, those times were extremely hard, I have no idea to this day from what I found energy to do that, and being all wacked up, i was so screwed up that because I also had an eating disorder from all of this stress (it is a known illness that happens in some people, trying to defeat stress with eating) so I was so full, totall overeaten, which caused strain on the digestion, which ofcourse causes A TON MORE STRESS, so I had to wait all day to digest and by the time it was 23 PM I was ready to go out to run and exercise, I always kept saying to my self "what the hell am I doing", the worst part around all of this was that I knew what I was doing was astronomically stupid but I couldn't help it, [remember this was all after months of watching illuminati conspiracy videos, so it was a big pause, after this pause i got to alex jones stuff, which is explained later], I was aware that I had a huge problem, and I was aware of the stupidity, because usually when you see a mentally retarted person, you can see he is not aware that he is stupid, but I was aware at the same time, and I basically knew what to do to fix it, but I wasn't really controlling my body and decisions, the computer was a double edged sword, later as time passed, I found myself staring at the PC monitor doing nothing, so my mind wanted to find something to do, which ended up modding PC games, and joining a private call of duty 2 clan and running a server, which fortunately wasn't as bad in terms of outside look, but I had no job no work, that's all what I was doing, modding COD2, because my mind couldn't fanthom about the serious reality, even if I had gone out of depression at the time, still it took me total of 5 years to get cured.
It's a long story, I learned as I went forward, that's why many people don't want to do this, they automatically dismiss info because they know subconsciously that if it's true it will change life forever and they would have to go through so much stress. But I was already basically disfunctional so It didn't hurt me more to dig into that, but unfortunately the start was the hardest and that simply is because I was inexperienced. I was also being confused with misinformation and absolute crap that youtube also had, most of the misinformation and people who don't really had any idea, posted videos of scarry devils and alien faces, because I was full of curiosity I watched all of that, I had trouble believing most of the stuff but i still went forward.
It's the alex jones movies that finally made a turn for me, while the illuminati stuff is more or less true, it was so scarry to learn about it the hard way it wasn't making for me personally any good how to improve my life. I had a lot of those "aha so that's what it was about" moments while watching a lot of that stuff. I then picked up the 911 WTC conspiracy as a primary learning point, i have researched that thing in and out, so i learned a ton from that, then I progressed into all the fluoride and chemtrails stuff, then I got into geopolitical talk with alex talks on the radio pretty much 80% about, and only in the last year I came back to the UFO stuff because it literally took me 5 years to get that fear down, but not aliens ofcourse, I looked many moon/mars images of buildings and structures being censored, and some misc stuff around that, that's about it, but thankfully it doesn't scare me as much, my thoughts don't jump to alien faces anymore and it only shakes me a bit if unexpectedly an alien face appears on the screen, i do jump out of the char and look back, and I get angry for a minute, but that's it, nothing more, thank god I never had nightmares ... I actually had 2 nightmares of APE MAN chasing me in the dark woods, but that was no conspiracy, it was discovery channel shows that talked a lot about the ape mans at the time, and I remember that guy who talked about seeing a shadow on the window ... etc
Also note, these stuff didn't play out connected, there were months of pause when i didn't watch any conspiracy stuff, so it was like 4 years but not constant, for example, 2012 was almost a whole year of pause, no conspiracy at all, since i basically knew most of it and I didn't really need it, and it was one of the more successful years, 2013 was a big milestone for success again, stress totally gone so I had the nerves to start visiting the truther stuff again and listening to radio, and in 2014 just keeps getting better.
Actually it was discovery channel that made me scared of aliens, in the first place, so many shows at the time, with dramaticized abduction stories.
Stargate SG-1 which Im a big fan of, helped to get my alien fear away, because the Asgards don't look scarry at all, so gradually I became accustomed to looking at the Thor guy. I really do give my full gratitude to the creators and writers of Stargate SG1 to make it friendly in this way because i couldn't watch it if it was scary, such a great show (it's also full of esoteric expose, but that's another big topic, i can't type anymore, just search around a bit, stargate episodes hint on things like bohemina grove
EPISODE: Birthright and eugenics EPISODE:
2010 and
2001
Don't do the
Aschen resemble our boreucrats who constantly talk about "sustainability" and the need to control population, and they talk in this political serious emotionless way as well. Plot, The 2010 episode actually doesn't happen because when they go to Aschen planet P4C-970 they revert time back and make it so they never went there, but they in future episode meet the aschen again on another planet, which is a whole planet of farm land, daniel jackson discovers that the farmland is build ontop of a recently exterminated civilization, which makes colonel carter to find out that the Aschen used a vaccine as a poison, they promised the civilization to cure a plague, the people bought into it so they became sterile, in some years because birthrate was zero they became extinct, so in the end the SG-1 team counters them with a trick, not sending them to the planets they wanted to conquer, but into a black hole. (this sidestory was never continued again, and what happend to exactly aschen was never explained)
The Birthright episode is basically Bohemian grove which was infiltrated by alex jones in 2001. Bohemian grove is a private property in northern californa for the world elite CEOs, bankers, and globalists to meet and basically go nuts, which includes all kinds of intercourse. The bushes were ther, nixon, presidents, politicians like Newt Gringrich ... etc Im not going to go into all detail don't have time. So basically it also has a ritual which is a mix of pagan and satanic teachings, and this particular one praises their god Moloch. Bohemian Grove doesn't let any females inside the club - only employees in recent years. In stargate SG-1 you have a Goa'uld called Moloch, and "Sisters" who are Jaffa women who worked for the goauld but he didn't like women so he kept killing them to have an all-male jaffa army, the leftover women joined forces to fight the goauld.
Can't be more clear of a connection than that, basically, the story plot what happens, how they fight, it's half all made up, in the behind scenes, yes they do made stuff up, the battles, some of the historical stuff they research and pick names, but when it's possible they filled some of the stuff from real life conspiracies.
Stargate SG1 is overall totally anti-new world order, it promotes moral values, tolerance and coexistance, most of the psychology is explained through Dr. Jackson, he feels annoying, but he's totally right.
That's about it, other interesting examples but less significant is when SG1 team comes in Jack Onei'll's house and there's a McDonalds bigmac on the table, and he jokes about MSG ingredient. (MSG or monosodium glutamate is an extremely toxic and carcinogenic ingredient in fast food and other processed foods)
In another episode about the human-looking mentally i'll guy, the bald guy who their alien team put on psychotropic drugs to keep his mouth shut, and all the NID shadow government stuff, he actually says in his quote "
they're after me, you know shadow government, the new world order"
Later in the episode it doesn't have to do anything with the NWO or NID, but they put in these references to make people go look about it still. However the NID is an actual criminal corporate organization that does work much like the DHS and other US agencies today in real life, their psychology simply is to use brute force to achieve their goals (killing a ton of innocent people in process), tell me if this is not similar to our NWO ?
In the end, who the heck want to go through that, Now that I broke the ice and am on the other side, can't be more happy than I am right now, and basically fixed all I have planned, it just took me much longer in practise than I had it in theory, why? it's not blind opitimism, it's positive thinking, even tho it was bad, I knew spiritual power is important, simply trying to keep things positive helped to get rid of depression and bad mood.
As the years passed on, all the info I opened myself to has given me immense power, confidence and energy, without this I wouldn't be able to fix my situation. I would end up like a failed victim in the system, probably continuing the paths in the school system, can't imagine myself, I had many dejavus and short thoughts even before the conspiracy stuff, I never imagined my self, I just had a bad feeling about the system from the start, the other side of my brain was programmed to keep going on with the system and to keep doing school, later I found out that it was totally a programmed trigger, because my parents were insulting me heavily over 10 year period, heavy threats "if you don't do school you will be homeless, nobody, you will be a manure dumper", with help my soul grown stronger than the psychological programming, for long I kept trying to do school, i fixed family problems, fixed all the other stuff mostly, got healthier, regular exercised, no TV brainwashing, no music, not buying any nonsense I don't need, even last year when I knew so much about all the conspiracies out there, but in matter of mere a month in beginning of summer last year, everything changed, I couldn't believe it myself, I have beaten the last problem, the freaking school-trigger, I have no guilt and fear not going into school anymore, i've fully broken the ice! Death to the new world order! Full Throttle Freedom!
There is always hope, the mentally ill globalists want you to think you have no power, we may not have the technology but we do have numbers, we do have moral and spiritual powers which we simply need to learn how to use.
Most importantly, in the end I came out stronger than ever, even surpassing past friends that were much more ahead of their time and me just 5 years ago.
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