FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
MARCH 22, 2001
RE: CLARIFICATION OF THE PRESIDENT'S SCHEDULE.
RECENTLY, IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT THERE IS A MISUNDERSTANDING
REGARDING THE PRESIDENT'S SCHEDULE. THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT IS OPEN
FROM 9AM TO 6PM. OUR NEW PRESIDENT MANAGES TIME MORE EFFECTIVELY WITH A
RIGID SCHEDULE, LEADING TO TIME SAVINGS AND INCREASED SLEEP. ALL WORLD
LEADERS AND ALL ENEMIES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC CREATING ANY CRISIS EXPECTING
PRESIDENTIAL INVOLVEMENT ARE ASKED TO DO SO BETWEEN 9AM AND 5PM EST TIME
TO COMPLY WITH THIS SCHEDULE.
FOLLOWING IS AN OUTLINE OF A TYPICAL DAY FOR OUR PRESIDENT:
7:00 WAKE UP CALL FROM VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY
7:30 SECOND-WAKE UP CALL (IF NECESSARY) PRESIDENT SHOWERS AND CHANGES
8:00 COCOA PUFFS AND CHOCOLATE MILK SECURITY BRIEFING BREAKFAST
8:30 VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY UPDATES PRESIDENT ON WHAT IS GOING ON
9:00 PRESIDNET WATCHES 'CHIPS' RERUN
9:30 PRESIDENT PLAYS DOOM
10:00 VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY UPDATES PRESIDENT ON WHAT HE'S DONE THE PAST
HOUR
10:30 PRESIDENT PLAYS QUAKE
11:00 PRESIDENT WORKS OUT AT WHITE HOUSE GYM
11:30 'WHAT's HAPPENING' RERUN
12:00 BOLOGNA SANDWICH AND FRITOS SECURITY BRIEFING
12:30 VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY UPDATES PRESIDENT ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE
PAST HOUR
1:00 MEETING WITH REPUBLICAN HOUSE LEADERS
2:00 MEETING WITH NRA
2:30 MEETING WITH CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
3:00 MEETING WITH CHRISTIAN COALITION
3:30 MEETING AND PHOTO-OP WITH ANY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: HOUSE
DEMOCRATIC LEADERS, ENVIRONMENTAL LOBBY, UNIONS, AFRICAN AMERICAN
MINISTERS, TED KENNEDY, EDUCATION OR HOMELESS ADVOCATES
3:35 PRESIDENT PLAYS QUAKE. HIGH SCORE GOALS FOR NEXT DAY SET.
4:00 JUDGE JUDY - NO INTERUPTIONS
5:00 VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY UPDATES PRESIDENT ON EVENTS FOR THE DAY
5:30 GO ON JOG OR READ TOM CLANCY NOVEL.
6:00 OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT CLOSED
6:01 AUTOMATED MESSAGE SYSTEM TURNED ON. HANDLES CALLS TO PRESIDENT.
REPORTERS, POLITICIANS, WORLD LEADERS, ROUGE NATIONS, MAJOR CRISES ASKED
TO WAIT TILL 9:00 AM FOR SERVICE.
6:30 PRESIDENT SURFS THE NET
7:30 SPAGHETTI-0's AND MILK SECURITY BRIEFING.
8:00 PRESIDENT REVIEWS THE NATION'S ON PRIME-TIME TV NETWORK PROGRAMMING
10:00 BEDTIME
He sounds a lot like us! LOL!
Facebook
Twitter