I'm antisocial

[Alphathree33]

If you take a random group of people and give them beer and hamburgers, it's almost guaranteed to be mildly boring.

There will be a few dorks who talk about mundane stuff and say "dude" a lot and everyone will listen to them.

I used to try these things repeatedly until I realized that it shouldn't take that much work to fit in.

Now I just hang around with people who I actually like and who actually like me -- and to heck with the random social gatherings.

If I do find myself at a party, I usually go find my own couch or area and build my own group. Maybe I'll find one guy who wants to talk. Then maybe someone else will join. And so on.

This way, you're filtering people based on who wants to talk to YOU, rather than YOU *trying* to talk to everyone else.

It's a matter of principle for me now. If I'm bored out of my skull, I wander off. If I have to sit along for 10 minutes that's what I'll do. People always wander over and start talking, because you're sending out a signal that says, "hey, I'm bored too."

It's divide and conquer, really. Soon, you'll have a group of people around you that you click with, and all the "cool" people elsewhere will start to wonder what you've got going on over there.

In addition, if you're looking to pick up girls, they will go for you and not the try-hard party types. Those guys might get girls to laugh AT them, but they won't take them home.

If you're chilled out and stick to your own friends (i.e. people who you ACTUALLY LIKE and are not TRYING to get to like you), chicks notice.

 

[Jeff7]

That's "asocial" behavior. Antisocial would have been pouring lighter fluid all over everyone's food on the grill, and then lighting it, or spiking the punch with doe urine.

I never care for large groups of people either, even relatives, especially if everyone's talking. I can't filter just one conversation out, and I wind up getting a mix of several at once, even to the point that I can't think straight enough to come up with coherent sentences myself.

Recently I was with a bunch of people (maybe 10 others) whom I knew from various classes - they were nuking various items in a dying microwave when I happened to walk by.
Lightbulb: Fun. Pretty colors + pop at the end.
Lighter: Blasted the door open with a puff of flames.

But by the end of it, I was literally shivering, and it wasn't that cold out. I did that during a job interview once, too. It was outdoors on a warm day, and I was in bright sunlight. By the end, I was shivering uncontrollably, but not noticably by anyone else, and I did get the job.

Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
OP: are you like me, where you can be in the middle of a crowd and feel alone. But with one friend in an empty room, you don't?

Or be in the middle of a crowd and feel invisible. Or be talking to someone and suddenly become invisible the second one of their friends walks by. It often happens that I seemingly vanish into thin air when that happens - conversation for a short time, friend walks by, bam, conversation over and the person walks away, sometimes leaving me in mid-sentence.

But there are the few people who do actually seem to want to talk to me. Not many, probably less than 5 people, excluding family, but they are out there.

Originally posted by: lozina
I am just as anti-social and don't like it but I just accept it as a fact of life. The way I see it, it's just who I am and taking a drug for that is like taking a drug for being taller than other people. We can't all be charismatic socially adept.

For me when I am around alot of new people I just don't have the arsenal of "chit chat" alot of people seem to carry around. Things like sports, American Idol, celebrity gossip, current music... I don't pay attention to any of that stuff and I really don't care to so when I meet new people who like to talk about those things I have just nothing to say to them.

Same here. People encourage me to learn about them so I do have something to talk about, but that just seems quite pointless, and a little misleading.
"Oh, you like American Idol? Me too!"
"Actually I think it's utterly moronic, but hey, I do know who is singing tonight, as well as the names of the judges."
I'd sooner research the manufacturing process used to make the carpeting in this room than watch American Idol.
Sports: Visual white noise to me. A bunch of people running around (or in baseball, standing around) with a simple objective. It's a measure of physical skill which pays a lot of money. I didn't care much about teams either - there seems no sense attaching any ego to them.

 

[freakflag]

It's a fear of rejection thing. The trick to getting by that is to decide that:
A) You like who you are.
&
B) That is really...and I mean really...doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Because it really doesn't.
If you don't want to talk about weed killer or some douchebags vacation in the Catskills, then don't. Talk about what YOU want to talk about and I think you'll find that when you're passionate about a subject you can always find someone who's interested enough to talk to you and if you can't find anyone on the same wavelength at the party, well, maybe you need to expand your social circle. Join a club or take a class or go to an LAN party. Whatever. Just find a group of people with similar interests and you'll find that social interaction is much easier. Or just drink. It works. Put a few beers in me and you can't shut me up. Many have tried.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: DougK62
I was like you - booze turned me around.

I drink plenty...lol. Trust me I don't need any more booze.
I just think there is something wrong with me. I am sure I have more than one thing malfunctioning up in the old noggin.

I don't think you have a problem. Like you've seen in this thread, many others are like you. I can also talk a person's ear off if it's one-on-one, but in a group - even a group of my close friends - I'm much more quiet. It's no big deal.

 

[Jules]

great thread. im the same way.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: leftyman
Drink heavily, you will become the life of the party. I promise.

Soo true. Im generally a quiet person among strangers, but if Im loaded, they will remember me.

 

[shortylickens]

Dont feel bad dude.
I am also fairly anti-social. I HATE having people over, especially if they are drinking or have been drinking. Thats why I never felt the need to get a roomate. I prefer to have the apartment to myself and pay all the rent.

It probably goes back to the Navy. I wasnt happy sharing a living quarterts with 99 other sweaty, smelly assholes, most of whom like to come back drunk as billy goats at four in the morning. (Which is totally illegal in the modern Navy but doesnt seem to bother them.)

About the most socialbility I can handle is going up to Chilles or Applebees, getting a steak and flirting with the girls. After about 1 hour I've had my fill and unless the waitress is dying to get my phone number, I haul ass.

 

[ranmaniac]

Parties are generally dull unless you're there to get a buzz, and parties that are great are usually interrupted by the police, otherwise known as the "buzz kill squad", at least that's how it went around the area when I went to Arizona State.

It's fun trying to talk about complex subjects such as international relations or quantum physics after having too much to drink, especially when you are self-aware that you're slurring your words.

 

[SonnyDaze]

Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
OP: are you like me, where you can be in the middle of a crowd and feel alone. But with one friend in an empty room, you don't?

That sounds like a riddle......

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Example:
A friend of mine was throwing a BBQ party type thing yesterday evening, and although I was not planning on staying to eat, I was going to hang around with my friend for a bit before I left.

People begin to show up, and everyone says their hellos, I meet a new person, we shake hands. That is the last word said to me by anyone until the time I left.

The entire time I cannot stop thinking about how much I want to leave. I don't dislike anyone there, everyone is having fun, except me. I just feel a huge need to be away from everyone. I felt very nervous and anxious.

So I just said I am going to leave and I walked out.
I can't help thinking it was very rude for me to just leave. I said a very short and to the point goodbye.
I don't think anyone there liked me anyway.
I can't go to parties, I cannot have fun with groups of people. It happens all the time.
It's very disheartening.

Sorry. Thanks for listening.

I used to be like that. Then I got a job where I had to deal with people on a daily basis.
I worked in that industry, car rental, for almost 10 years and it completely changed me. Now I enjoy meeting new people and can strike up a conversation with almost anyone.

I think it's something that you will probably grow out of. It just takes some people longer than others.