If your significant other was in great $$$ debt, would you still marry?

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Yes.

Love is unconditional.

If you have a problem with the SO's debt, then you're not really in love.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You have to also have the ability to function together. To many people think that if they love some one, thats enough and everything will work. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

Many people forget that marriage is compromise.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: ragazzo
student loan debt = acceptable
credit card debt = needs explaining. if it's on junk then forget it. you don't want an irresponsible wife holding you back

That was my opinion on this as well. It depends on why. If she blew all her money on stupid crap, then she'll probably end up dragging me down with her when we get married.

 

[maziwanka]

thats really hard to say, and since im not in any situation like that, i'd like to say that i wouldn't marry, but i guess you never know.

 

[nmcglennon]

It depends... is she hot?

 

[DrPizza]

Some of you who call all credit card debt frivolous haven't experienced much of life yet.
It would only depend to me on why she was in so much debt, not how far in debt.

 

[rh71]

depends what she is in debt for. If it's for something like medical school and yet she's passionate about the career, it wouldn't be a big deal. If it's for credit card bills from shopping... and she can't break the habit... see ya.

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

Originally posted by: mitaiwan82

Originally posted by: freebee
She'd better have massive boobs to go along with that massive debt.

:thumbsup:...but make sure those are already paid off

LOL

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Yes.

Love is unconditional.

If you have a problem with the SO's debt, then you're not really in love.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You have to also have the ability to function together. To many people think that if they love some one, thats enough and everything will work. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

Many people forget that marriage is compromise.

Compromise is unneccessary when you want the same things.

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

Yeah, if I really liked the girl, I wouldn't let logistics get in the way. I'd try to help her find a way to start getting herself out of debt before the marriage tho, just to see if she'd take it seriously.... it would be a short relationship if she had no intention of helping herself.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Yes.

Love is unconditional.

If you have a problem with the SO's debt, then you're not really in love.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You have to also have the ability to function together. To many people think that if they love some one, thats enough and everything will work. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

Many people forget that marriage is compromise.

Compromise is unneccessary when you want the same things.

The only time you'll find that consistently is if you marry old righty 😉

 

[CraigRT]

If I was really truly in love, as your #1 option says, love conquers all and I am sure we could get past it.

although I am pretty sure my wife won't be like that... 😉

 

[biostud]

She could always work it off 😀

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Yes.

Love is unconditional.

If you have a problem with the SO's debt, then you're not really in love.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You have to also have the ability to function together. To many people think that if they love some one, thats enough and everything will work. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

Many people forget that marriage is compromise.

Compromise is unneccessary when you want the same things.

The only time you'll find that consistently is if you marry old righty 😉

I'm not talking about "the toliet seat goes up or down" kind of compromises. You've got to choose your battles on stupid little stuff like that. But if you're compromising say, wanting kids or major financial decisions like home buying you're just setting yourself up for failure.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Yes.

Love is unconditional.

If you have a problem with the SO's debt, then you're not really in love.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You have to also have the ability to function together. To many people think that if they love some one, thats enough and everything will work. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

Many people forget that marriage is compromise.

Compromise is unneccessary when you want the same things.

The only time you'll find that consistently is if you marry old righty 😉

I'm not talking about "the toliet seat goes up or down" kind of compromises. You've got to choose your battles on stupid little stuff like that. But if you're compromising say, wanting kids or major financial decisions like home buying you're just setting yourself up for failure.

Of course my reply was facetious, but I think your view is a bit naive as well.
The real problems tend to come about when people's desires & priorities change in inconsistent ways. I doubt that most marital problems stem from initial incompatibilities, but rather that problems emerge and people don't have the strength/courage/will/backbone to work through them.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Armitage
Of course my reply was facetious, but I think your view is a bit naive as well.
The real problems tend to come about when people's desires & priorities change in inconsistent ways. I doubt that most marital problems stem from initial incompatibilities, but rather that problems emerge and people don't have the strength/courage/will/backbone to work through them.

Not all divorces/relationship failures can be predicted...I'll give you that. The dynamic between two people just plain changes sometimes. But I'll maintain people generally do not change, and it is the expectation that some one will become what you want them to be, rather than remain who they are that causes most divorces. Usually, the flaws are there but are just glossed over because "We're in love" or maybe one partner thinks they can't do any better as well.

I think most problems were there from the start...they were just ignored until they festered for to long.

 

[Pliablemoose]

We really need pics to decide this...


Anyway from personal experience, I bailed my ex wife out X2, we always fought over money, I wanted to save it, she wanted to spend it.

We split up several times, each time racking up huge legal fees & she would always go crazy with CC debit...

We paid off her debit X2, (with me contributing 2/3 of the $ to the payoff).

So my answer is a qualified maybe...

1.) You & SO need to really decide how $ is going to be used, it's the #1 reason for break ups.
2.) Some debit is to be expected, but I'd be nervous as hell over $10K in CC debit, with student loans, I'd be much more forgiving.

Need :camera:'s

 

[TreyRandom]

Originally posted by: ragazzo

Originally posted by: TreyRandom
I'm glad my SO did... when we married, I was $45,000 in credit card debt (at 23% interest!) and she was $10,000 in credit card debt. And none of it was due to irresponsible behavior (though I might label it more as "stupid behavior" or just "bad decisions"). I started a business and paid for the inventory on credit card. My partner was responsible for selling the inventory if I covered the cost on the cards. I did... and he didn't. 🙁

My SO (now my wife) racked up her debt to survive while in school - and she was also working. She also had $15,000 in student loan debt. Plus, we had 2 cars ($20,000) and a mortgage ($60,000).

5 years later, we have ZERO credit card debt, ZERO car debt, only $3,000 in student loans, and a house 3 times as big (and 3 times as expensive). Plus, my wife was finally able to quit her job and be a stay-at-home mom to our 1.9 kids (one's in the oven).

If we had let the debt problems affect our decision to stay together, we'd both be in worse situations... and we'd not have our wonderful children. 🙂

can i get a tissue? *sniff*

lol! Interested in buying the movie rights? :laugh: Hey, anything to pay the bills! 😉

 

[ultimatebob]

Yeah, can I get a "depends on the debt" poll option? It really DOES make a difference... $50K in student loan debt can actually be a good thing in some cases, whereas $50K in credit card debt from decadent vacations and overpriced clothing is certainly not.

 

[StageLeft]

It would depend on the situation, but I am not deeply in debt and I think that the sort of person who is would probably have more not in common with me than simply the amount of debt we're in. To me being in debt to a great extent tells a tale of how you live your life, and it's not how I live mine, so if I didn't marry her because of it, there would be more going on than simply her money situation.

To a lot of people debt is like fatness. Fat people generally stay that way. They try every once in a while, but basically fat now, fat forever, and debt follows a similar trend. Some people hate that they're in debt at 20, but find them in 20 years and it will be the same thing. On the plus side I think that losing debt is, for most people, far far easier than it is for most to lose fat.

Yeah, can I get a "depends on the debt" poll option? It really DOES make a difference... $50K in student loan debt can actually be a good thing in some cases, whereas $50K in credit card debt from decadent vacations and overpriced clothing is certainly not.

Yeah, $50k in debt to get a medical degree is a great move. Spending it on shoes and restaurants is not.