If you think you were having marrital problems, what would be the first step to take?

[MuffD]

Hi guys,
Wife and I are arguing a bit too much lately and before it get's worse, I would like to ask those that are married here, what steps would you take/ have taken to resolve this assuming you would like to stay in your marriage. There is no infidelity involved. Just arguing about things that there should be no argument over. I want to look up counseling or speaking with my local priest at my church.

Thanks for your advice.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

What kind of problems? You could post some you feel open to share here and get advice

 

[Jhill]

If your arguing about small stuff that you shoulddn't be arguing about usually that means there are bigger problems there somewhere that someone isn't admiting to having.

 

[dxkj]

Well normally its a 50/50 type thing. But if you simply take control and don't argue back with her, there can be no arguments!!

That is simplifying it quite a bit, but it is true.

 

[MuffD]

My wife sometimes has this temper and usually I can just ignore it and forget about it when she's always yelling. I get mad at her for yelling at the kids and when she yells at me. I always ask her how she would like it if I were doing the same to her. Last week, I didn't really talk to her as much and would just kind of be quiet when I was at home. She then would get mad because everything she would talk to me about, I would not seem interested. Friday, I then explained to her sometimes that's how I deal with things. I just don't really care now/sometimes if she get's mad. I'll just get mad back or try to walk away and ignore her. I would like to try and work things out for the childrens sake (don't flame) and also because I still really care about her but at the same time not if she's going to always be in a bad mood and snappy.

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense right now. I'm not in the greatest of moods so I might say things which make zero sense.

 

[GoodToGo]

Originally posted by: MuffD
My wife sometimes has this temper and usually I can just ignore it and forget about it when she's always yelling. I get mad at her for yelling at the kids and when she yells at me. I always ask her how she would like it if I were doing the same to her. Last week, I didn't really talk to her as much and would just kind of be quiet when I was at home. She then would get mad because everything she would talk to me about, I would not seem interested. Friday, I then explained to her sometimes that's how I deal with things. I just don't really care now/sometimes if she get's mad. I'll just get mad back or try to walk away and ignore her. I would like to try and work things out for the childrens sake (don't flame) and also because I still really care about her but at the same time not if she's going to always be in a bad mood and snappy.

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense right now. I'm not in the greatest of moods so I might say things which make zero sense.

The bolded parts are the problem right there. There is no need to yell back. Talk it out with a calm attitude; once she sees how calm you are about it as compared to her, she will calm down as well. And as someone said, it could be a part of a much bigger problem. Work stress, not enough time together, Money issues.....?

 

[Ausm]

I am a 2 timee loser in the marriage game...my advice would not be helpful

Sysadmin

 

[Balt]

If you think you were having marrital problems, what would be the first step to take?

I think the first thing I'd do would be to post on ATOT.


Seriously, though, you should discuss seeing a marriage counselor with your wife. You need a neutral third party to talk things over with.

 

[dirtboy]

Divorce worked wonders for me, but you may want to try some type of counseling... it might be good to have a third party listen to your problems and offer suggestions. I prefer just to get rid of the problem all together, but that might not be what you want to do.

 

[DurocShark]

Kill her. That's all you have to do.
She's a risk.
And get the priest as well....







(Sorry, just watched Operation Livecrime again...)

 

[GasX]

Go bang a whore.

If you feel guilty about it afterwards, then go back to your wife and have aheart to heart about your relationship and if necessary seek counseling.

If you feel like going back for seconds on the rent-a-flesh, it's time to have a different kind of heart to heart with your wife...

 

[Kadarin]

What are the good things about her and your marriage?

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: dxkj
Well normally its a 50/50 type thing. But if you simply take control and don't argue back with her, there can be no arguments!!

That is simplifying it quite a bit, but it is true.

i have to agree with that. if its just little petty things, just dont argue. eventually they get over it.

try making her dinner or buying some flowers, that way if is bothering her, it could cheer her up and get her to let you know whats going on. just make sure to listen and not get defensive.

 

[Linflas]

Coming up on 19 years of marriage and the first step I can think of is to sit down and discuss your concerns with your wife. Perhaps she has similar concerns.

 

[BassDominator]

Just let the wife have her way....

 

[ohtwell]

See if you can talk calmly with her first to see if you can figure out what's going on. Sometimes that can help. If that doesn't help you should probably go get some counseling.


: ) Amanda

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Linflas
Coming up on 19 years of marriage and the first step I can think of is to sit down and discuss your concerns with your wife. Perhaps she has similar concerns.

I like your sig line about cats

 

[Bleep]

Here is my input for what it is worth! You may not like it.
She has found another guy and is doing her best goading you into a phicysical altercation to have you arrested thus insuring her complete power over your money and property.
Tap your own phone, set up some security cameras in the house to find out who the unlucky guy is, if you dont find out anything, well that is good too.

Bleep

 

[prvteye2003]

Originally posted by: Linflas
Coming up on 19 years of marriage and the first step I can think of is to sit down and discuss your concerns with your wife. Perhaps she has similar concerns.

 

[opticalmace]

Originally posted by: Bleep
Here is my input for what it is worth! You may not like it.
She has found another guy and is doing her best goading you into a phicysical altercation to have you arrested thus insuring her complete power over your money and property.
Tap your own phone, set up some security cameras in the house to find out who the unlucky guy is, if you dont find out anything, well that is good too.

Bleep

Did you also invent the Jump To Conclusions mat?

 

[Nuriko]

I've been reading "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendrix. I've found it to be pretty enlightening in a short period of time.

 

[SilentZero]

Id say go talk to your priest. Adding your mutual religious beliefs in the equation to help solve your marital problems can only help. Good luck!

 

[anno]

I still really care about her but at the same time not if she's going to always be in a bad mood and snappy.

I think it might be a good idea to find out why she's so unhappy. happy people aren't always in a bad mood and snappy.

how old are your children? how many? does she work, or is she home with them all the time?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: MuffD
My wife sometimes has this temper and usually I can just ignore it and forget about it when she's always yelling. I get mad at her for yelling at the kids and when she yells at me. I always ask her how she would like it if I were doing the same to her. Last week, I didn't really talk to her as much and would just kind of be quiet when I was at home. She then would get mad because everything she would talk to me about, I would not seem interested. Friday, I then explained to her sometimes that's how I deal with things. I just don't really care now/sometimes if she get's mad. I'll just get mad back or try to walk away and ignore her. I would like to try and work things out for the childrens sake (don't flame) and also because I still really care about her but at the same time not if she's going to always be in a bad mood and snappy.

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense right now. I'm not in the greatest of moods so I might say things which make zero sense.

What is she getting mad about? Can you be more specific? More info is needed here. From your post alone it sounds like she may be having problems dealing with the kids. Her reaction to them may just be her way of asking you for help...in a kind of messed up sort of way. Maybe she is angry with you because you do nothing to help her in this situation.

How old are you? How old were you when you married?

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: MuffD
My wife sometimes has this temper and usually I can just ignore it and forget about it when she's always yelling. I get mad at her for yelling at the kids and when she yells at me. I always ask her how she would like it if I were doing the same to her. Last week, I didn't really talk to her as much and would just kind of be quiet when I was at home. She then would get mad because everything she would talk to me about, I would not seem interested. Friday, I then explained to her sometimes that's how I deal with things. I just don't really care now/sometimes if she get's mad. I'll just get mad back or try to walk away and ignore her. I would like to try and work things out for the childrens sake (don't flame) and also because I still really care about her but at the same time not if she's going to always be in a bad mood and snappy.

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense right now. I'm not in the greatest of moods so I might say things which make zero sense.

i'm just a kid and never been married, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but i don't think you are really helping the situation much by ignoring her. that may be your default reaction, but it is only going to lead to more dissatisfaction on her part.

can you think of any reason why she would be like this (other than a brain tumor)? does she nag you? usually if the behavior is irrational, there is some other underlying cause... for example you not paying attention to her emotional needs in some way