"if you have nothing to hide then you won't mind others looking through your...

[KingGheedora]

I posted a similar thread in L&R about privacy in relationships. I googled about privacy and repeatedly came across the argument "If you have nothing to hide then you won't mind someone going through your phone/email/etc".

My view is that everyone has a right to privacy at all levels, from the government, from your SO, friends, family, etc. I suppose it might be different if you are a child living under your parents' roof but I won't get into that one here. What strikes me is that when someone like the government or Google's Erik Schmidt says "if you have nothing to hide then you won't mind us looking at your personal info", but yet tons of people people seem to use that argument to justify going through their SO's stuff.

I also think that the people who share everything with their SO are naieve, giving up some of their personal liberty, but also seeking in a way to control their SO. I have never cheated on a girlfriend and don't believe in cheating. I would break up with any gf if i found out she were cheating on me. I afford everyone the same privacy that I expect in return, i don't look over their shoulders to see what they are texting their friends about. I don't grill and question my gf about what she does when she's not with me.

So where do you draw the line? Do you have different stances on privacy when it comes to government/employer/friends/family/lovers?

Threads on the same topic are not allowed to be cross-posted in multiple forums unless members in one forum suggest taking it elsewhere after addressing the issue.

Zim Hosein
Moderator.

 

[guyver01]

"I

i agree

 

[DangerAardvark]

"I

i disagree

 

[KingGheedora]

i agree

Sorry, hit "save" by accident!

 

[guyver01]

i'll post the exact same thing here that i posted in the other thread..

The minute you find you need to hide something from your partner... you've discovered they're not partner material. You cannot have an honest relationship if you feel you MUST keep stuff from them.

Do you have different stances on privacy when it comes to government/employer/friends/family/lovers?

Government ... i dont have anything to hide. The Government wont come looking for me unless i do something wrong.. so .. since i'm not a spy... i dont have anything to hide from them either.

Employer ... When it comes to work... They know everything i'm doing. Outside of work... They dont care. As long as what i do doesn't impact my work or representation of the company.. its no big deal. Now i know people will turn this into a "what if you get shitface drunk 2 minutes before work.. then go to work.." well.. unless you can sober up in those 2 minutes... they're gonna care.. and hopefully fire your ass.

I'm actually FRIENDS with my friends... they know me.. i know them. I dont keep secrets from them either. And i'm talking real life, talk to friends... not the 10,000 "people" you have "friended" on facebook.

 

[Leros]

It bothers me when somebody feels the need to go through my stuff because they should trust me.

For example, my girlfriend shouldn't be going through my emails looking for an incriminating email because she should trust me. However, if she need access to my email for whatever reason, I would have no problem letting her get into my account.

 

[Zenmervolt]

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?" And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

I have no need to know everything that a partner of mine does and I don't have any desire to be with someone who feels the need to attach herself to me like a remora. If my partner doesn't believe that she can ask me and receive an honest answer, then I have no wish to be partnered with her. It's really that simple for me.

Anyone who feels that they need to go behind your back to get information about you is effectively, at best, calling you a liar. They're saying that they don't trust you and, to me anyway, such a lack of trust entirely precludes any romantic involvement.

ZV

 

[guyver01]

So... what exactly is the whole point of this? Did your GF look over your shoulder while sending an email... you told her to fuck off... and she now wonders why you're hiding an email to your gay lover from her and now you're asking all of AT if she's wrong to look at you like you're a douche?

 

[guyver01]

I don't have any desire to be with someone who feels the need to attach herself to me like a remora.

wow...so ... either the person should show no interest in anything you do... or they're a remora?

No inbetween?


What if your SO comes up and says.. "Hey hon.. whatcha doing?" .. is that being a remora too?

 

[KingGheedora]

i'll post the exact same thing here that i posted in the other thread..

The minute you find you need to hide something from your partner... you've discovered they're not partner material. You cannot have an honest relationship if you feel you MUST keep stuff from them.

That isn't really the question. I guess the way I see it is that people have a right to privacy, and exercising that should not imply they are trying to hid something.

This actually got me in trouble when I was a kid because people in my family tried to look at my things and I refused to give up my right to privacy. For example my older sister was sort of an authority figure in my house, at least during the times when she was tasked with babysitting me. One time she asked me to see a piece of paper because she thought had stuff written on there that would get me in trouble. It was a homework assignment, but I didn't give it up and we had a huge fight and I actually ended up eating the homework assignment because I refused to let her police me.

It's the same thing here. Even if I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't think that means I should have to give up my privacy to satisfy someone else's curiosity.

I don't have anything to hide from my GF. When she looks over my shoulder I don't say anything even though it annoys me. I haven't said anything to her about it yet though, because I don't want it to come off as me being defensive, which would make it seem like I was trying to hide something. I will eventually say something though; bring it up not as a reaction to her trying to look over my shoulder.

 

[guyver01]

I was a kid because people in my family tried to look at my things

how old?

a 10 year old should expect No Right to Privacy... except when in the bathroom taking a shit.

An 18 year old... you dont want your family looking in your room to see if you're doing drugs in THEIR house... MOVE OUT.

When she looks over my shoulder I don't say anything even though it annoys me.

Why? she's curious what you're doing... maybe showing an interest in the stuff you do... but you want to hide it from her. Maybe you don't really want a relationship. What are you doing you dont want to share with someone who is sharing your life and your house?


As i've said many times in threads here when people refuse to give all the info when asking for help... you don't share... we're gonna make up shit.... and believe me... it will be worse.

Is it really a hard thing to let her know you're sending an email to a buddy about doing stuff ... as opposed to her thinking you're emailing another girlfriend for a hookup?

 

[Malak]

That isn't really the question. I guess the way I see it is that people have a right to privacy, and exercising that should not imply they are trying to hid something.

This actually got me in trouble when I was a kid because people in my family tried to look at my things and I refused to give up my right to privacy. For example my older sister was sort of an authority figure in my house, at least during the times when she was tasked with babysitting me. One time she asked me to see a piece of paper because she thought had stuff written on there that would get me in trouble. It was a homework assignment, but I didn't give it up and we had a huge fight and I actually ended up eating the homework assignment because I refused to let her police me.

It's the same thing here. Even if I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't think that means I should have to give up my privacy to satisfy someone else's curiosity.

I don't have anything to hide from my GF. When she looks over my shoulder I don't say anything even though it annoys me. I haven't said anything to her about it yet though, because I don't want it to come off as me being defensive, which would make it seem like I was trying to hide something. I will eventually say something though; bring it up not as a reaction to her trying to look over my shoulder.

You are intentionally creating hostility for no logical reason. It isn't a question of privacy, it's a question of maturity.

 

[KingGheedora]

So... what exactly is the whole point of this? Did your GF look over your shoulder while sending an email... you told her to fuck off... and she now wonders why you're hiding an email to your gay lover from her and now you're asking all of AT if she's wrong to look at you like you're a douche?

No, why do you assume anything went wrong? I just want to gauge the distribution of opinions on this.

 

[guyver01]

No, why do you assume anything went wrong? I just want to gauge the distribution of opinions on this.

well... maybe this is the problem... why would anyone even think about stuff like this?

Maybe turn it into a conversation starter?

She looks over your shoulder while you send an email... you look at her and say .. "Hey baby... what's up?"

she'll probably say.. "nothing... just wondering what you're up to.."

and you'll either say:
(a) Just emailing a buddy..

or

(b) why you wanna know bitch? gimme my fucking privacy.. shit.


my vote is you'll do (b)

 

[KingGheedora]

how old?

a 10 year old should expect No Right to Privacy... except when in the bathroom taking a shit.

Probably around 10, but it's my sister who was 14, so it's not like she has the same right to police me even if she's babysitting. I don't want to argue about that though because it's getting onto a tangent (albeit a related one).

how old?
Why? she's curious what you're doing... maybe showing an interest in the stuff you do... but you want to hide it from her. Maybe you don't really want a relationship. What are you doing you dont want to share with someone who is sharing your life and your house?

If she has interest in stuff I do she can ask. I tell her about my day when we're hanging out. She's free to come with me to pretty much everything I'm involved in. But I don't think she needs to see texts between me and my family, or me and my friends.

Again you are getting back to the argument that because I want privacy I'm doing something I want to hide. In case you didn't garner from my story from when I was ~11 years old with my sister, I don't see it that way.

how old?
As i've said many times in threads here when people refuse to give all the info when asking for help... you don't share... we're gonna make up shit.... and believe me... it will be worse.

It's pretty apparent that you and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to this issue and that's fine. I'd like to hear from others now though, since I'd like to see the prevalence of the different views.

how old?
Is it really a hard thing to let her know you're sending an email to a buddy about doing stuff ... as opposed to her thinking you're emailing another girlfriend for a hookup?

Valid point. Though she could just ask me. If she doesn't trust me then there is a problem. If I were actually cheating on a girlfriend I would not be stupid enough to text in front of her.

 

[TallBill]

I'd let exactly 1 person go through all my shit, but she wouldn't want to.

 

[guyver01]

It's pretty apparent that you and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to this issue and that's fine. I'd like to hear from others now though, since I'd like to see the prevalence of the different views.

and that's fine.. and i hold no animosity towards you... just expressing my opinion...

but at 1:45 AM MDT on a Sunday.. you're not gonna find a whole heck of alot of people on..

 

[KingGheedora]

well... maybe this is the problem... why would anyone even think about stuff like this?

Maybe turn it into a conversation starter?

She looks over your shoulder while you send an email... you look at her and say .. "Hey baby... what's up?"

she'll probably say.. "nothing... just wondering what you're up to.."

and you'll either say:
(a) Just emailing a buddy..

or

(b) why you wanna know bitch? gimme my fucking privacy.. shit.


my vote is you'll do (b)

I get the feeling you're trying to either rile me up or pick a fight with me, though I don't know why. I'm not a douche to my girlfriend or my friends and don't talk to people like that. If anything the things I've said should support that I respect others and would like for others to respect me. I actually live by the Golden Rule and unlike most people I know I try to remove inconsistencies between how I treat others vs. how I expect them to treat me.

 

[0roo0roo]

Reading emails...why don't you just secretly follow people around to keep an eye on them. Its not sane.

 

[bhanson]

Government should have access to pretty much all information. Warrants should be easier/trivial to get. I personally have no trouble giving up privacy if it means being safer.

 

[rudeguy]

I don't care if someone wants to read/look at my stuff. I don't keep secrets.

OP you sound like a spoiled child.

 

[0roo0roo]

http://www.physorg.com/news/2010-10-long-term-couples.html

 

[guyver01]

http://www.physorg.com/news/2010-10-long-term-couples.html

Critics of the research have suggested the older couples may simply belong to a generation in which couples tended to know less about each other than they do today. Another suggested possibility is that in a long-term relationship people may tell “white lies” to each other to strengthen the relationship, but this could dilute their knowledge of each other.

i would agree with this.. My great grandmother and great grandfather were married for 57 years... and slept in separate beds.. ate dinner separately .. etc.. i'm not even sure they were even "in love"

 

[KingGheedora]

OP you sound like a spoiled child.

Because of how I view privacy? Not sure I see the connection there. I haven't had any arguments or fights with my gf about this, and so far she's been able to look over my should as much as she wants to, so I don't see how you have cause to think I'm spoiled. I'm just here asking people to share their opinions.

Really, I'm curious why you think this.

 

[KingGheedora]

Government should have access to pretty much all information. Warrants should be easier/trivial to get. I personally have no trouble giving up privacy if it means being safer.

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin