"I'm over there in England you know, trying to get news of the [1993 LA] riots, and all the Brit people are trying to sympathize with me& 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. If it's any consolation, crime is horrible here too.' Shut up. This is Hobbiton and I'm Bilbo Hicks, okay? This is the land of fairies and elves. You oughta see English crime. If only we had crime like this. It's hilarious, you don't know reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to god, I read an article on the front page of the paper one day in England, 'Yesterday some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.' Ooooh, the hooligans are loose, the hooligans are loose! What if they become ruffians? I'd hate to be a dustbin in Shaftesbury tonight."