I was owned by my Wife at Rite-Aid...

[aolj]

Funny~~

 

[SWScorch]

haha that was funny. very loquacious and sententious, but funny. 🙂 I like the writing style. So very dramatic. I can just picture you slowly turning around to display your wonderful precious discovery to your wife with this look of innocent wonder emblazoned on your face, saying "oooh, look, it's so pretty!"

 

[Farfrael]

Originally posted by: Mday
toothbrush and lube?

kinky 😵

 

[nakedfrog]

You like drugs, do you?

 

[dolph]

for something that took so long to write, you could have at least run it through spellcheck ;-)

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Cripes, you retards... read a good book now and again. Other than a few spelling issues, HelloDeli has a well written good read. 🙂

 

[Izzo]

Originally posted by: Xenon
Don't listen to the attention deficit disorder brigade. That was a great story.

agreed

 

[ky2pip]

good read

 

[GiLtY]

were you the same guy that got kicked in the crotch by some 7-year old?

--GiLtY

 

[ragazzo]

although it was well written and a good read, it made you sound like a clingy and needy kind of guy 🙂

 

[TheNinja]

People who want the "cliff notes" or "make it shorter" are stupid. Would the story be good if you said "I went to store to get a toothbush and got smacked by my wife for picking up lube". I like the detail and the humor (even if I don't believe the entire thing)

 

[BamBam215]

I don't think the problem was the length but how it read like he intentionally made it wordy. It has "I want to sound intelligent so I'll drag out a one liner into a whole page" written all over it. I used to write like that too until I was taught how to write correctly. You need to be concise and simple. You need to write like how you speak. And unless you actually talk like that, then yeah it's very difficult to read.

P.S. After reading that story and the Target one, then either you don't get out enough, or you really need to be more original.

 

[maddogchen]

after reading this and the target one, I seriously hope your wife is worth it, because it doesn't sound like it, slapping you around, and laughing when you're in horrible pain.:Q

 

[Ornery]

You ass clowns would probably tell Dave Barry to be more concise, too.

 

[Ogg]

Another great story by HelloDeli

I remember the last one.......kinda....well I remember it was funny too and longer :beer:😀

 

[Murphyrulez]

I liked it, and I read it all the way through.

I know some of you assclowns have to mouth the words out loud when you read them, but what do you expect to do when you are READING an internet mesage board? Maybe READ the messages???

Good stuff!

 

[SaltBoy]

Two thumbs up! 🙂

 

[illusion88]

Originally posted by: maddogchen
after reading this and the target one, I seriously hope your wife is worth it, because it doesn't sound like it, slapping you around, and laughing when you're in horrible pain.:Q

He's the bitch in the relationship.

 

[ojai00]

Pretty amusing stuff. You should write a book or something. 🙂

 

[PanzerIV]

Unfreaking believable the amount of total 'tards in this forum that bitch and moan about reading more than two sentences for crying out loud. What a sad, sad commentary about the future of this country and the television and PS2 generation when you need to add Cliffs notes to anything that may take a whopping 10 seconds to read. Oh my I might have to use my brain!! :disgust:

HelloDeli I appreciated your effort and your last one as well. Some people enjoy this type of humor and don't need the punchline delivered immediately every damn time. Good setup and delivery. I look forward to your next ownage! 😀

 

[Acanthus]

Originally posted by: mcurphy

Originally posted by: BamBam215
i stopped reading after the first paragraph. stop talking nonsense and be concise. it doesn't really make u look that much smarter writing like that. it's more annoying for the reader 😛

ditto

 

[edmicman]

<AWESOM-O>LAME!</AWESOM-O>

I would like to think I appreciate good writing as much as anyone else, but this just screams "Look at me, I'm in high school honors english, I can be incredibly wordy and craft everything so it sounds like I'm uber-intelligent!" I'm not saying to cut it down to two sentences, but theres a whole lot of extra crap in there that just bogs it down. The first couple of paragraphs is just tiring. Comparing any of those stories to Dave Barry is ridiculous, too. I've always heard to write like you are talking to someone, and frankly if someone told me a story like that verbally, I'd have to punch them in the face.

 

[Ornery]

"...I've always heard to write like you are talking to someone"

Yeah, that's what Barry does alright.

 

[SWScorch]

It's obvious that HelloDeli is writing like that on purpose, not to impress anyone, but to add another element of humor. The way I see it, it's tongue-in-cheek, and apparently was way over your heads. He wrote it in a super-dramatic tone, with lots of adjectives and import to add to the drama of going to RiteAid and doing something slightly foolish. That in itself is fairly humorous, but by writing about it as if it were the apocalypse and with such an important tone, he made it much more amusing, at least to me. I mean, stuff like "the elusive toothbrush" and "mystifying azure blue abyss" just makes the whole spectacle seem so much more humorous, because it's different and silly when compared to the subject matter. Two thumbs up, I say!

 

[Chaotic42]

You're a good story teller.

:beer: