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I want to leave home...

V

voodoochylde

Senior member
Howdy guys. I know I'm going to be nailed to a cross for this one but flaming is part of the fun here at ATOT 😀

Situation: I just turned 24 on Friday, still living with mom and dad. We live right next to my grandparents (both of whom are falling apart health-wise) and have two houses to take care of. I work at a grocery store called Kroger making $6.55/hour and just got out of the hospital and have that and the accomanying ER bill to take care of. I'm also paying of 515 dollars I owe the bank. As you can tell, I have some rather stupid financial problems that I've screwed myself with. No savings, low pay, blah, blah, blah.

The thing is, I just want to get out on my own and start doing things for myself. I feel I'm ready but I know that my money situation isn't going to improve anytime soon. I also have some retarded self-image issues and I don't think that I'll actually be able to make it on my own. Guess that comes from letting mommy and daddy take care of all my 'ish for me all these years...

I do actually help out a good bit around here - taking care of 14 cats and a dog (yes, I do almost all of the caretaking as mom and dad both work horrible hours), I mow/weedeat both of mom 'n' dad's lawns along with my grandfather's, I pretty much babysit my grandparents as he (my grandfather) has congestive heart failure and just about every mine-related lung disease/disorder you can imagine. I help dad in his weekend warrior projects so my grandpa isn't out there in the summer heat trying not to blow his heart up. I keep the place clean when my work allows me to be home while mom's at work. I don't contribute a whole, whole lot but my share adds up.

I know I'm a little pampered, spoiled sissy-boy and all that junk but I'd like to change it. I have no idea how to, though. What I'm asking is how did you guys go about leaving your mom and dad? I'm scared that my grandpa's going to over-exert himself and keel over or that I'm just not going to be able to take care of myself without help.

I'm hoping to graduate with an AS in mechanical engineering in about a year so my finances should be improved around that time but I really don't think that I should wait for it. Any suggestions on figuring my stuff out are greatly appreciated.

-------------------

Keep in mind that I love both of my parents very much and have an unnaturally close relationship with my mom. My grandfather is my best friend and I worry about him ceaselessly. This whole "wanting to go elsewhere" thing does not stem from family problems. It's mostly that I want to do things that can't happen while I'm here and I'd also like to stop being a burden on my family.

-------------------

Update: A little more information pertaining my desire to leave may be in order. Simply put, most of it is my girlfriend. Her family situation is the complete opposite. Her sisters are all evil along with her mother. Her mom kicks her out for a month or so and then begs her to come back (oddly enough, it's the same time the bills are due). Tonya (my girlfriend) and I have been together for a little over a year and she's wanting more of a commitment out of me. Thing is, I'm a very respectful kid and I listen to more or less every word my parents say. I don't go out very much as mom doesn't like me to and that bugs the piss out of Tonya...understandably. Dating a 24 year old mama's boy can't be fun.

I see her when I can but my mother *hates* Tonya with a passion and I don't get to see her but maybe two or three times a week. Part of this whole thing is I'm tired of arguing over what Tonya calls my mother pushing me around...blah.

/myspace
 
It doesn't sound like you're being a burden. Who would do all the stuff you're doing if you moved out? I would wait until you finish school and perhaps even get a BA/BS before moving out.
 
Originally posted by: Vincent
It doesn't sound like you're being a burden. Who would do all the stuff you're doing if you moved out? I would wait until you finish school and perhaps even get a BA/BS before moving out.
Click to expand...


Good advice. You will never make it on what you are pulling in right now. Finish school first. Get your finances in order.
 
Sounds like your family really needs you there. If it were me, I would try to find a higher paying job, finish school, get a real job (no offense), then move away.
 
Gawd, what nice parents...still living at home at 24? What a leech!

that should get things going...
(everyone got their lawnchair and popcorn?)
 
Don't dig a deeper hole by trying to move out now before you get your degree and a better job. That would just make things that much harder.
 
damn sucks to be you, in 1989 I was making $10/hr in high school. Haven't made less than that since.

I have moved back home a couple times since leaving it, but if I never left by 24 I think I'd be insane.

When I left home it was easy, hey I am going to UF and getting married. Double whammy and they took it fine.

I was with a chick once though that at 24 told her parents we were moving in together...her dad backhanded her out of her chair and tried to attack me.

They knew she wasn't a virgin so that wasn't it (they had an ex of her's living with her there for a while).

Guy was just nuts.
 
hey i worked at kroger when i was 14...i think then minimum wage was $5.50...that job sucked. Find a job paying a lot more and work 2 jobs if necessary and save up for a place.
 
If you move out now (or soon), you could always live somewhere nearby so that you could still be helpful to your family and visit them whenever you want to. That might be good for you to do before you move far away.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
Why the fvck do you have 14 cats?
Click to expand...


Cuz I love the lil fvckers and we're all softhearted. Someone brings a runt up and drops him off and we'd all rather take on another stray than see him poisoned, shot, eaten by dogs, or run over. Yes. We're freaks. Run.
 
You need to find a new job. Period. Once you get your finances in order, find a good friend and get an apt together. Splitting expenses will help you adjust to paying your own bills.
 
Originally posted by: voodoochylde
Howdy guys. I know I'm going to be nailed to a cross for this one but flaming is part of the fun here at ATOT 😀

Situation: I just turned 24 on Friday, still living with mom and dad. We live right next to my grandparents (both of whom are falling apart health-wise) and have two houses to take care of. I work at a grocery store called Kroger making $6.55/hour and just got out of the hospital and have that and the accomanying ER bill to take care of. I'm also paying of 515 dollars I owe the bank. As you can tell, I have some rather stupid financial problems that I've screwed myself with. No savings, low pay, blah, blah, blah.

The thing is, I just want to get out on my own and start doing things for myself. I feel I'm ready but I know that my money situation isn't going to improve anytime soon. I also have some retarded self-image issues and I don't think that I'll actually be able to make it on my own. Guess that comes from letting mommy and daddy take care of all my 'ish for me all these years...

I do actually help out a good bit around here - taking care of 14 cats and a dog (yes, I do almost all of the caretaking as mom and dad both work horrible hours), I mow/weedeat both of mom 'n' dad's lawns along with my grandfather's, I pretty much babysit my grandparents as he (my grandfather) has congestive heart failure and just about every mine-related lung disease/disorder you can imagine. I help dad in his weekend warrior projects so my grandpa isn't out there in the summer heat trying not to blow his heart up. I keep the place clean when my work allows me to be home while mom's at work. I don't contribute a whole, whole lot but my share adds up.

I know I'm a little pampered, spoiled sissy-boy and all that junk but I'd like to change it. I have no idea how to, though. What I'm asking is how did you guys go about leaving your mom and dad? I'm scared that my grandpa's going to over-exert himself and keel over or that I'm just not going to be able to take care of myself without help.

I'm hoping to graduate with an AS in mechanical engineering in about a year so my finances should be improved around that time but I really don't think that I should wait for it. Any suggestions on figuring my stuff out are greatly appreciated.

-------------------

Keep in mind that I love both of my parents very much and have an unnaturally close relationship with my mom. My grandfather is my best friend and I worry about him ceaselessly. This whole "wanting to go elsewhere" thing does not stem from family problems. It's mostly that I want to do things that can't happen while I'm here and I'd also like to stop being a burden on my family.

-------------------

Update: A little more information pertaining my desire to leave may be in order. Simply put, most of it is my girlfriend. Her family situation is the complete opposite. Her sisters are all evil along with her mother. Her mom kicks her out for a month or so and then begs her to come back (oddly enough, it's the same time the bills are due). Tonya (my girlfriend) and I have been together for a little over a year and she's wanting more of a commitment out of me. Thing is, I'm a very respectful kid and I listen to more or less every word my parents say. I don't go out very much as mom doesn't like me to and that bugs the piss out of Tonya...understandably. Dating a 24 year old mama's boy can't be fun.

I see her when I can but my mother *hates* Tonya with a passion and I don't get to see her but maybe two or three times a week. Part of this whole thing is I'm tired of arguing over what Tonya calls my mother pushing me around...blah.

/myspace
Click to expand...

Now for your question:

"I want to leave home, but I have no $ and am in debt. Plus i have no health insurance."

well, using simple common sense... WITHOUT $, YOU CANT
 

Perhaps I am wrong, but suggest you need to know Tonya a lot better before trying to set up house with her. You may be unprepared for the kind of "home life" she thinks is normal.

I'd stick it out with your folks until you complete your degree. You might want to start talking to them about your future plans too, as it does sound like they would need to make some other arrangements to care for your grandparents.

Good luck!
 
Originally posted by: JEDI
"unnaturally close relationship with my mom"

ah.. let the peanut gallery BEGIN!
Click to expand...

I was going to make a sarcastic breast-feeding comment but just thinking about it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
 
There has to be a job in your city somewhere that pays more than $6.55/hr. that you're qualified for. There just has to be. Even working full time for the post office should start you off in the low teens.

How many hours do you work at Kroger? Even working 40 hours/week will only get you $1,048/month. After taxes you're looking at about $800/month if you're lucky. You'll never be able to buy a place of your own at that rate.
 
I appreciate the advice (and the humor 😀 ) and I agree with the statements made. 200 bucks a week simply isn't enough to make it on without someone else helping with the bills.

I'm going nuts right now though. Tonya has gotten to the point where it's almost as if she's issuing an ultimatum. Her mom kicked her out again today and while going off about how nobody loves her, she mentioned that the one person who does love her doesn't care enough to put forth any effort to step up and be a man.

I just don't know what to do or even if I'm wrong/right by staying with my folks...
 
Originally posted by: RaistlinZ
There has to be a job in your city somewhere that pays more than $6.55/hr. that you're qualified for. There just has to be. Even working full time for the post office should start you off in the low teens.

How many hours do you work at Kroger? Even working 40 hours/week will only get you $1,048/month. After taxes you're looking at about $800/month if you're lucky. You'll never be able to buy a place of your own at that rate.
Click to expand...


I live in a backwoods area in West Virginia (between Quinwood and Rainelle for any familiar with the area). The jobs around here all pay very low wages and the ones that I could get better pay for only pay a buck or two higher on the hour which would do no more than compensate for the gasoline required to travel an hour each way.

I've got an app in with USPS and just took my exam for a Rural Carrier Associate position (got 82 points, needed 70 to pass). Awaiting an opening as we speak.

UPS won't speak to me and I've bugged the bejeezus out of them. The Greenbrier Hotel in WSS doesn't pay as well as they used to and everything else is merely seasonal.

With work, I have to have a flexible schedule due to being a student and there aren't a ton of places around here willing to work with me on that.

I agree with you wholeheartedly but I've yet to find a way to change the situation.
 
Originally posted by: voodoochylde
I appreciate the advice (and the humor 😀 ) and I agree with the statements made. 200 bucks a week simply isn't enough to make it on without someone else helping with the bills.

I'm going nuts right now though. Tonya has gotten to the point where it's almost as if she's issuing an ultimatum. Her mom kicked her out again today and while going off about how nobody loves her, she mentioned that the one person who does love her doesn't care enough to put forth any effort to step up and be a man.

I just don't know what to do or even if I'm wrong/right by staying with my folks...
Click to expand...

drop her now. thats not the type of woman you want to be with.

guilt trips, manipulations.

nothing good can come
 
If it's not too late for you, I'd consider signing up for the Armed Forces. They're always looking for people and will pay for your way through school. Plus it's a good thing to have on any future resume... much better than Kroger's that is.

Granted, I probably wouldn't do anything that involves being directly under GWB, but desperate times call for desperate measures it seems.
 
Originally posted by: JEDI
Originally posted by: voodoochylde
I appreciate the advice (and the humor 😀 ) and I agree with the statements made. 200 bucks a week simply isn't enough to make it on without someone else helping with the bills.

I'm going nuts right now though. Tonya has gotten to the point where it's almost as if she's issuing an ultimatum. Her mom kicked her out again today and while going off about how nobody loves her, she mentioned that the one person who does love her doesn't care enough to put forth any effort to step up and be a man.

I just don't know what to do or even if I'm wrong/right by staying with my folks...
Click to expand...

drop her now. thats not the type of woman you want to be with.

guilt trips, manipulations.

nothing good can come
Click to expand...

Absolutely agreed. Any woman who is insulting your manhood to make you do something is not worth your trouble.
 
i missed the crazy chick part focusing on the 'elders'.

She is using you to be her launchpad. She may be in love with you and have no other ulterior motives, but she is using you to accomplish her goals.

 
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