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I think my marriage might be in trouble
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MagicConch
Golden Member
I don't know, pre-nupts can also get money issues out of the way so there are no issues re: that and the relationship can do better. If most of one's income comes from work then this is a non issue. However if both of them do charity work with little income and make most of their money from investment income on both sides, this could be a serious issue for both of them. There are at least 5 couples like that on my street.
moshquerade
No Lifer
WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED? sorry to yell, but she wants kids and you don't. i don't think i would've married someone that didn't share my views on that major life decision.
are you going to get some counseling? cause i don't see any other way to resolve this.
moshquerade
No Lifer
you are a tool :roll:
To be completly honest on this issue, I have always felt that the main reason we got married was because I was pressured into it. I have always had the view that Marriage is unecessary. I told her that before we got married but then the hints started dropping... I still feel like I was pressured...
Sounds like you didn't really think things through before you got married. It's not fair to either one of you to be tied to someone who has completely opposite goals in life (with regards to kids.) It was foolish to buy her a new car (as opposed to a reasonably priced used one) and to have a wedding that was out of your financial price-range. You shouldn't destroy your savings over a wedding even if you have a good paying new job. What happens if you lose the job?
FrustratedUser
Lifer
Uhhh ohhh....
We have tried that setting a day once a week to go out and have some fun.... things always seem to get in the way for some reason.. I still go to school at nights 2 nights a week that seems to get in the way quite a bit... Also untill now we really didn't have the money to go do those types of things every month. Being that my first check from my new job was this month it's mostly already gone because of Christmas presents and what not.
preslove
Lifer
LOL, yes. She has debt and I didn't untill I recently bought a house. She couldn't get on the loan becuase her credit is horrible. I also recently bought her a new vehicle also soley in my name. I also spent the majority of my savings on our wedding. I have recently got my first "real" job in IT and I am making more money then I ever have before. I also kind get the feeling..well I guess I know for a fact the only thing that she wants in life to suceed at is being a mother, and I really don't want kids.. now or ever for that matter. (another big issue we fight about)[/quote]
I'm sorry to be blunt, but, well, I have the feeling that you should get divorced. You guys married too young and too quickly. You have different goals and expectations for life. Marriages from 18-25 are notorious for failure. If you get out now the only problems are financial. If she decides to get pregnant to keep the marriage together you are in for a world of torment...
dullard
Elite Member
Be glad she isn't on the mortgage. It'll cost you thousands to remove her name and you'll get a worse interest rate as well. That is, if you do get a divorse. Keep your finances apart as best you can, just in case. Get your own checking/savings account in the very least. It'll make things much more simple later on.
As for the arguments, consider just one thing when you get angry. Do you want to win the battle or do you want to win the war? Think very carefully. It is an either or question - you CANNOT win both the battle and the war. Is winning this fight worth distroying your marriage? I bet your answer is no - since the fights are probably fairly petty in the grand scheme of things. Both you and your wife need to think about that every time as you feel a fight coming on. If you both repeatedly choose that you'd rather win the battle and lose the war, then your marriage is doomed.
Actually it is a semi-trick question. You are in a civil war. Casualites on your side and her side are your own countrymen. The more damage in the battle, the worse both of you are. Even if your army slaughters hers in a battle, killing thousands, you just lost thousands of your your own countrymen - possibly your brothers, your friends, etc. Think about it before you send in the troops.
<- Dullard, divorced as of Sept 2005! Couldn't be happier. Note: my divorce was not about arguments at all though. We had a different fundamental flaw that was uncorrectable.
As for the arguments, consider just one thing when you get angry. Do you want to win the battle or do you want to win the war? Think very carefully. It is an either or question - you CANNOT win both the battle and the war. Is winning this fight worth distroying your marriage? I bet your answer is no - since the fights are probably fairly petty in the grand scheme of things. Both you and your wife need to think about that every time as you feel a fight coming on. If you both repeatedly choose that you'd rather win the battle and lose the war, then your marriage is doomed.
Actually it is a semi-trick question. You are in a civil war. Casualites on your side and her side are your own countrymen. The more damage in the battle, the worse both of you are. Even if your army slaughters hers in a battle, killing thousands, you just lost thousands of your your own countrymen - possibly your brothers, your friends, etc. Think about it before you send in the troops.
<- Dullard, divorced as of Sept 2005! Couldn't be happier. Note: my divorce was not about arguments at all though. We had a different fundamental flaw that was uncorrectable.
I'm sorry to be blunt, but, well, I have the feeling that you should get divorced. You guys married too young and too quickly. You have different goals and expectations for life. Marriages from 18-25 are notorious for failure. If you get out now the only problems are financial. If she decides to get pregnant to keep the marriage together you are in for a world of torment...
[/quote]
I agree looking at some of the divorcees in the office with kids... Also if I did decide that I wanted to get a divorce what would be the best way to go about it financially?
moshquerade
No Lifer
casper, have you mentioned a divorce to your wife? and if so, what did she say?
preslove
Lifer
I agree looking at some of the divorcees in the office with kids... Also if I did decide that I wanted to get a divorce what would be the best way to go about it financially?
[/quote]
You're asking the wrong dude. That's something you need real, not internet, advice from a pro. From what I understand, though, it will be rough. But infinitely smoother without a baby.
moshquerade
No Lifer
no one has used the "d" word then? instead of "I don't know" you should ask her if she wants it to work.
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