- Oct 10, 2006
- 21,562
- 3
- 0
And got the usual contradictory recommendations of what I should do tonight when I simply mentioned going out with a few friends (I'm in college). Not even the point of the initial conversation. I could hear them arguing in the background. This has been going on for the last 2 fvcking years.
Background: My dad is an insecure control freak workaholic that draws a nice salary. My mom has been a stay at home mom for my sister and I for the last 20 years or so. At this point, she planned to be back and working, but 2 years ago her cancer became more aggressive, and while it's not going to directly kill her any time soon, it leaves her in chronic severe pain 24/7 (as in she doubles over and cries several times a day). Multiple treatments have been tried, none have succeeded in doing more than temporarily dampening the pain. You would probably die if you took the dosage of these painr relievers she takes in 1 day. Her cancer is very rare, and she's looking into experimental studies for it.
The main effect of this has been that she used to be able to compensate for my dad's insecurity, but now is too weak to do so. Also, my dad blames her for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that goes wrong with the family that he hasn't directly caused. If I get a bad grade, she gets blamed for raising me wrong. Same story if I simply challenge his arguments for what I should/shouldn't do. He's also got this lovely denial cycle going where he lies to himself. (He will tell my mom to "shut up" when she's crying in pain, but when confronted will say he asked her "nicely to be quiet"). He's openly called my mom a b!tch to her face and denied it late. I've been tempted to bug my house and make him listen.
Even on Christmas Eve, the whole family was arguing. I had to play the moderator to corroborate everybody's statements (my family misinterprets what each other says, so I, who apparently have the unique ability to understand what they are saying, have to "translate"). I exploded at them several times, and they didn't even give me lip service. I am the only one who listens and tries to change based on what they tell ne.
I guess the most frustrating part of this sh!t is that it could all be solved by stuff they teach 3 year olds on Barny and Sesame Street!!! Just listen to others, be nice and accepting, and keep an open mind. But nooooooooooo, if something isn't done their way,
it's wrong and you will get sh!t over it until you prove otherwise irrefutably. My mom won't even support her own statements. She will tell me not to do something, but won't tell me WHY I shouldn't do it passed "because I said so". When I confront her with this she calls me ungrateful for her bringing me into the world and other stupid irrelevant sh!t.
My sister is just as insecure as my dad, although she has good intentions, she pushes everybody's buttons and can't stop herself. She has insecurity issues dating from when my dad verbally abused her in middle school (the same sh!t he's doing to my mother).
The worst fact of this is that it happens EVERY FVCKING DAY!!! I've woken up 2 hours before my alarms gone off (8 am) to my parents arguing.
Over winter vacation things almost got physical. My dad's parents were physically abusive to each other, so he has this deep set phobia of physical violence, but my mom grabbed my sister once (and stuck her nails in) and if she hadn't let go a second later I would've had to physically break them up.
I'm the only one who seems to be on fairly good terms with everyone. If they have a problem, they come to me.
So I've taken an isolationist posture. If I let myself care too much about any of them, I'll start taking sides. I have to be rational about this. I may blow up once every 2 months (one time I was so far gone I was speaking gibberish when I thought I was speaking perfectly) but it'll be worth it. Unfortunately I now care about nothing. Even the scientific interests I once had die in the face of this sh!t. I've also become less emotional than I used to be, and this has had a negative effect on my social life outside of the uber-academic circles.
Being in college helps, but every time I get a phone call from home I hear this I just get reminded of what sh!t it is. I've lost all respect for my dad, and most of what I had for my mom, except for the respect that she hasn't asked to be killed yet (although I did have to go on suicide watch for her once).
I'm sorry for venting this here. The last thing I should do is let my problems have a negative effect on persons uninvolved. Still, it's been about 2 months and unless I get this sh!t out of my brain I'll be thinking about it in some form or another for the next month.
I bet most of you don't know what's it's like to hear your mother crying and screaming in pain, or being verbally abused by your father, or both at once, and not being able to do anything about it without repercussions even more severe.
Trust me, guys, don't be like my dad. Don't put this on your family. The one thing this FUBARed sh!t has shown me is what not to do. I will, and already am, a better man than my father ever was in many ways, and I'm working on the few where I'm inferior (mainly my work ethic).
Once again, sorry if I got anybody down. Just a vent. No attention required or asked for.
No cliffs here. It's a vent. If you want to read it, read it all.
Background: My dad is an insecure control freak workaholic that draws a nice salary. My mom has been a stay at home mom for my sister and I for the last 20 years or so. At this point, she planned to be back and working, but 2 years ago her cancer became more aggressive, and while it's not going to directly kill her any time soon, it leaves her in chronic severe pain 24/7 (as in she doubles over and cries several times a day). Multiple treatments have been tried, none have succeeded in doing more than temporarily dampening the pain. You would probably die if you took the dosage of these painr relievers she takes in 1 day. Her cancer is very rare, and she's looking into experimental studies for it.
The main effect of this has been that she used to be able to compensate for my dad's insecurity, but now is too weak to do so. Also, my dad blames her for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that goes wrong with the family that he hasn't directly caused. If I get a bad grade, she gets blamed for raising me wrong. Same story if I simply challenge his arguments for what I should/shouldn't do. He's also got this lovely denial cycle going where he lies to himself. (He will tell my mom to "shut up" when she's crying in pain, but when confronted will say he asked her "nicely to be quiet"). He's openly called my mom a b!tch to her face and denied it late. I've been tempted to bug my house and make him listen.
Even on Christmas Eve, the whole family was arguing. I had to play the moderator to corroborate everybody's statements (my family misinterprets what each other says, so I, who apparently have the unique ability to understand what they are saying, have to "translate"). I exploded at them several times, and they didn't even give me lip service. I am the only one who listens and tries to change based on what they tell ne.
I guess the most frustrating part of this sh!t is that it could all be solved by stuff they teach 3 year olds on Barny and Sesame Street!!! Just listen to others, be nice and accepting, and keep an open mind. But nooooooooooo, if something isn't done their way,
it's wrong and you will get sh!t over it until you prove otherwise irrefutably. My mom won't even support her own statements. She will tell me not to do something, but won't tell me WHY I shouldn't do it passed "because I said so". When I confront her with this she calls me ungrateful for her bringing me into the world and other stupid irrelevant sh!t.
My sister is just as insecure as my dad, although she has good intentions, she pushes everybody's buttons and can't stop herself. She has insecurity issues dating from when my dad verbally abused her in middle school (the same sh!t he's doing to my mother).
The worst fact of this is that it happens EVERY FVCKING DAY!!! I've woken up 2 hours before my alarms gone off (8 am) to my parents arguing.
Over winter vacation things almost got physical. My dad's parents were physically abusive to each other, so he has this deep set phobia of physical violence, but my mom grabbed my sister once (and stuck her nails in) and if she hadn't let go a second later I would've had to physically break them up.
I'm the only one who seems to be on fairly good terms with everyone. If they have a problem, they come to me.
So I've taken an isolationist posture. If I let myself care too much about any of them, I'll start taking sides. I have to be rational about this. I may blow up once every 2 months (one time I was so far gone I was speaking gibberish when I thought I was speaking perfectly) but it'll be worth it. Unfortunately I now care about nothing. Even the scientific interests I once had die in the face of this sh!t. I've also become less emotional than I used to be, and this has had a negative effect on my social life outside of the uber-academic circles.
Being in college helps, but every time I get a phone call from home I hear this I just get reminded of what sh!t it is. I've lost all respect for my dad, and most of what I had for my mom, except for the respect that she hasn't asked to be killed yet (although I did have to go on suicide watch for her once).
I'm sorry for venting this here. The last thing I should do is let my problems have a negative effect on persons uninvolved. Still, it's been about 2 months and unless I get this sh!t out of my brain I'll be thinking about it in some form or another for the next month.
I bet most of you don't know what's it's like to hear your mother crying and screaming in pain, or being verbally abused by your father, or both at once, and not being able to do anything about it without repercussions even more severe.
Trust me, guys, don't be like my dad. Don't put this on your family. The one thing this FUBARed sh!t has shown me is what not to do. I will, and already am, a better man than my father ever was in many ways, and I'm working on the few where I'm inferior (mainly my work ethic).
Once again, sorry if I got anybody down. Just a vent. No attention required or asked for.
No cliffs here. It's a vent. If you want to read it, read it all.
Facebook
Twitter