I Heart Onion.com

[jonks]

Profiles for all current and previous 2008 candidates:
http://www.theonion.com/conten...itehousewar/candidates

Obama
Issues:
Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:
Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Political Experience:
(2005?) Junior Senator from Illinois. Working directly under Senior Senator Richard Durbin himself, duties included fact-checking and copyediting the 2006 highway appropriations amendment bill. Member, Illinois State Senate (1997-2004)

Difficulty Catching A Cab:
Moderate

Personal Best For Getting Digits:
32 seconds

Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration:
1 in 12


Hillary
Reason For Presidential Bid:
Left some stuff at White House

Experience:
Husband secretly let her run country from 1997-1999

Favorite Food:
Wheat slurry injected directly into her stomach

Signature Issue:
Becoming President of the United States

Murder Convictions:
3

Make-up Secrets:
Classified

Reproductive Process:
Squirts thousands of egg sacs into host intestine, then fertilizes them herself

 

[Vette73]

For the Paul bots...

Money Raised:
$18 million in gold, canned beans, rum, and storage mattresses

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

Preferred Campaign Transportation:
Blimp

Economic Policy:
Favors absolute minimum taxation so citizens have more money to give to his campaign

Most Questionable Campaign Incident:
Burning American flag to prove "it's no big deal"

Iraw War: Opposes it for some complicated libertarian reason best explained in a rambling, discursive way by your office I.T. guy.

health Care: As a physician himself, and a fervent believer in individual self-determination, advocates just toughing it out with a rag in your mouth.

 

[bamacre]

Hey, that blimp is cool!!

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: Marlin1975
health Care: As a physician himself, and a fervent believer in individual self-determination, advocates just toughing it out with a rag in your mouth.

now that is funny :laugh:

 

[Canai]

Haha that's great. Go Onion!

 

[Perknose]

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

LOL!

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

LOL!

yep!

 

[Jaskalas]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

LOL!

I like roads too, but if government is using OUR money to build them - wtf are we having the "middle man" in there for, except to dictate to us additional requirements for returning that money.

 

[evident]

Originally posted by: Jaskalas

Originally posted by: Perknose

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

LOL!

I like roads too, but if government is using OUR money to build them - wtf are we having the "middle man" in there for, except to dictate to us additional requirements for returning that money.

i never understood, if we are being taxed out the ass to pay for roads, why are there still ridiculous tolls on roads everywhere? i pay $5 to go to-from work every day, because itake the PA and NJ turnpike and cross the delaware river. that comes to about $1500 a year

 

[Kadarin]

Diebold has already leaked the results of the 2008 election...

 

[bamacre]

Originally posted by: Kadarin
Diebold has already leaked the results of the 2008 election...

:laugh:

 

[Exterous]

Originally posted by: sirjonk
Difficulty Catching A Cab:
Moderate

:laugh:

 

[RightIsWrong]

Originally posted by: bamacre

Originally posted by: Kadarin
Diebold has already leaked the results of the 2008 election...

:laugh:

I love the "interviews":

"I don't even know if I can enjoy the sham election now that I know who is going to win."

"If you can't trust your shadowy overlords to keep a secret....what is the purpose of living in a democracy?"

"I'm fine with it....he was going to get my meaningless vote anyway."

 

[daveymark]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :laugh:

 

[ranmaniac]

Originally posted by: Kadarin
Diebold has already leaked the results of the 2008 election...

:laugh:

 

[SleepWalkerX]

Check out the rest of the Onion's video news reporting. They definitely give Jon and Colbert a run for their money.

 

[sandorski]

hehe, away from topic, but another funny Onion vid: Making Iraq War Eco friendly