I'm 21 now, and have a lil bro of my own growing up to the 11-12 age.
Parents are getting old, and the responsibility to have a similar talk with my bro has fallen on me.
Frankly, I just don't think a parent can be cool about this. Its just one of those talks that are uncomfortable regardless of how you present it. I did get the talk when I was 17 -- fairly soon after I was caught in the middle of it (oral).
Nop, there's probably very little you can tell him as far as the...ahm.. mechanics of sex. And, there's very little factual info you can give him about the consequences of it (such as STDs, etc). We've been bombarded with this stuff from grade school and have had to sleep through plenty of lectures about it at school.
I think the biggest influence on him would be his friends. There are (surprisingly) plenty of kids out there who are proud of their virginity. I think a good thing to do is to introduce him to church -- and perhaps to monitor/watch his friends a lil bit. From there, you can judge yourself the severity you should present your argument to him.
If you see that he's probably already smart about it, you could perhaps be more lighthearted in telling him about sex. The suggestions that previous posters have offered that somewhat make a joke of it (wear a raincoat, etc) would probably be sufficient in letting him know how you feel about the subject. Your main angle is that you already trust him about the issue and only want to reinforce what he already knows -- and perhaps encourage/compliment him on the path that he's already chosen (that is, to be safe abt it).
If, by judging his friends and his own personal attitude, you see that he was likely to have ignored the issue with sex, you should probably have a more serious talk with him. You should firmly reassert the consequences of unsafe sex and describe exactly the hell that will be his life should he make the wrong choices.
Above all, you should not jump out of character to present the issue. You and your kid have an understanding and a relationship going on, and jumping out of your character really serves only as a distraction to the issue at hand. If my dad (the serious type) was to just hand me a box of condoms, I'd be wandering what wrong with him -- rather than trying to understand the message he's trying to send.
I personally got a lecture somewhere in between these two extremes. I'll always remember what my dad told me:
"Sex is extremely enjoyable and sometimes its the only reason you make it from one day to the next. You have your entire life to have sex with your wife when the time comes. You can have sex now and risk the chance of fvcking it up for the next 30 years. Its my suggestion that you wait. Until then, feel free to use your right hand."
The talk didn't inspire much at first -- but when I slept with some girl I didn't even know I nearly went crazy with fear of STDs. Four years now, I haven't slept with anyone because the fear and the talk clicked together and gave me a really strong message.
Hope that works out for you -- that's kinda how I plan on telling my lil bro in the next few years. You can't protect him from his own choices, but you can make it really easy for him to learn from his mistakes.
~Dokster
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