- Jan 3, 2006
- 8,378
- 971
- 136
Praise be.
I've historically been a night-time shitter. It provided an escape after the kids were down for the night; a brief respite before knocking out our evening chores. Unfortunately, this peaceful moment began to extend and chewed up more time than I'd like, mostly due to doom-scrolling through Instagram reels.
I had to act in order to salvage what precious free time I had in the evening.
The first step was not dropping the kids off at the pool for a day, waiting until the following morning to get into a proper routine. Pain, bloating, discomfort - I persevered.
Next, getting onto a new multivitamin and fiber regimen. I started regularly taking GNC Mega Men multivitamins, cilium husks, and juiced greens first thing in the morning. The trick here, in order to maintain a seamless 'flow', is to not eat after taking the vitamin. No JM Aggie08, you ask -- won't that cause you to shit your entire ass? Fear not, pleb. I have a fairly strong constitution, and the multivitamins unaided by food cause just enough digestive turbulence to ensure a smooth and efficient operation.
It's been a few months now, and I'm in and out of the John in 10 minutes, 10AM every day. If I'm at the office, I'll often be listening to my audiobook which can draw things out a bit. But folks, I have seen the light.
I came. I saw. I conquered.
I've historically been a night-time shitter. It provided an escape after the kids were down for the night; a brief respite before knocking out our evening chores. Unfortunately, this peaceful moment began to extend and chewed up more time than I'd like, mostly due to doom-scrolling through Instagram reels.
I had to act in order to salvage what precious free time I had in the evening.
The first step was not dropping the kids off at the pool for a day, waiting until the following morning to get into a proper routine. Pain, bloating, discomfort - I persevered.
Next, getting onto a new multivitamin and fiber regimen. I started regularly taking GNC Mega Men multivitamins, cilium husks, and juiced greens first thing in the morning. The trick here, in order to maintain a seamless 'flow', is to not eat after taking the vitamin. No JM Aggie08, you ask -- won't that cause you to shit your entire ass? Fear not, pleb. I have a fairly strong constitution, and the multivitamins unaided by food cause just enough digestive turbulence to ensure a smooth and efficient operation.
It's been a few months now, and I'm in and out of the John in 10 minutes, 10AM every day. If I'm at the office, I'll often be listening to my audiobook which can draw things out a bit. But folks, I have seen the light.
I came. I saw. I conquered.
Facebook
Twitter