I found out there are two black kids living at my parent's house

[Dissipate]

About a year or so ago my parents brought in one of their friends and her kids (a black family) because their apartments got turned into condos and they needed a place to live for awhile before they found a new apartment.

This woman has a fairly decent job (at least enough to pay the rent and take care of her kids). Anyways, recently this woman ended up in a mental hospital because she started suffering from severe depression. So I heard from my dad a couple days ago when he was over here that her kids are now living with them and will be until she gets out.

I asked him why their dad didn't take them in and he said he didn't know exactly but indicated that the guy was basically delinquent. In fact, this guy had the b@lls to actually drop his kids off at my parents house. I couldn't believe it. I got to know these kids a little bit when I was still living at my parents place and they are good kids. I just cannot believe their dad. Their mom is in a mental hospital and he drops his kids off at someone else's house?! If I ran into this guy I might just give him a piece of my mind.

Is this kind of behavior endemic in black families? Do black men just have the attitude that taking care of their own kids is not a priority?

BTW, my parents have no relation with these people other than the fact that they are friends with this woman.

Edit: the kids are around 13-14 years old.

 

[kogase]

You'll have conservatives telling you yes, liberals telling you no, and moderates telling you maybe. No real useful information I suppose, but I'd say at least say that there is a great deal of this in the black community without making any generalizations about blacks. Not really helpful to your situation, but I'd ask your parents to call Child Protective Services or some similar orginization and find out about removing the children from the father's (legal) custody.

 

[MadRat]

Best for your parents to file for foster care rights to the kids if they want to continue to raise them. The dad shouldn't be able to waltz in any time and just act like nothing happened, but that is exactly what will happen in time. As long as he provided for their temporary (however it may seem long term, its still temporary) care the courts will always rule in the parent's favor.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: MadRat
Best for your parents to file for foster care rights to the kids if they want to continue to raise them. The dad shouldn't be able to waltz in any time and just act like nothing happened, but that is exactly what will happen in time. As long as he provided for their temporary (however it may seem long term, its still temporary) care the courts will always rule in the parent's favor.

I don't think they want to get that involved. I don't think their dad abuses them or anything, I think he just doesn't want to take care of them.


However, both my parents are lawyers (my dad has been practicing around 30 years) so I'm sure they could handle anything legal if it came to that.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: kogase
You'll have conservatives telling you yes, liberals telling you no, and moderates telling you maybe. No real useful information I suppose, but I'd say at least say that there is a great deal of this in the black community without making any generalizations about blacks. Not really helpful to your situation, but I'd ask your parents to call Child Protective Services or some similar orginization and find out about removing the children from the father's (legal) custody.

I don't think the dad abuses them so I don't think that is quite necessary. The whole thing will end when their mom gets out of the hospital, which should happen within a month.

Basically, I'm just apalled at this man's complete dereliction of duty as a father.

 

[dahunan]

Sad thing about this is he is abusing them... They have NO Mother and now they don't even have a Father.. If they go back to him it won't be because he loves them and wants to care for them etc.. It will be because he was forced to care for them..

My Mom was a serious alcoholic and she would say "at least you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach" I would tell her I wouldn't care if I lived under a bridge.. I want to feel loved" .. these kids are in a terrible situation..

 

[winr]

Originally posted by: dahunan
Sad thing about this is he is abusing them... They have NO Mother and now they don't even have a Father.. If they go back to him it won't be because he loves them and wants to care for them etc.. It will be because he was forced to care for them..

My Mom was a serious alcoholic and she would say "at least you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach" I would tell her I wouldn't care if I lived under a bridge.. I want to feel loved" .. these kids are in a terrible situation..

Here is a big hug you deserved back then:sun:

 

[dahunan]

Originally posted by: winr

Originally posted by: dahunan
Sad thing about this is he is abusing them... They have NO Mother and now they don't even have a Father.. If they go back to him it won't be because he loves them and wants to care for them etc.. It will be because he was forced to care for them..

My Mom was a serious alcoholic and she would say "at least you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach" I would tell her I wouldn't care if I lived under a bridge.. I want to feel loved" .. these kids are in a terrible situation..

Here is a big hug you deserved back then:sun:

Thank you Honestly!

These children need love and maybe they actually provide something of benefit to Dissipates parents :heart:

 

[kogase]

As an aside (though not completely unrelated) my mom left my brother and me when we were very young and we've been raised by our father our whole life. Haven't talked to her for years. I'm not black, but I think my situation is considerably rare. Although the black community has a disproportionately large problem with this, fathers leaving their families is far from unheard of in the white community.

 

[Steeplerot]

Kick back and enjoy having a few non blood brothers for awhile?

How long is this lady going to be in the nuthouse?

Get them to do dishes or vacuum for you, long term guests and couchsurfers are great for that.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: Steeplerot
Kick back and enjoy having a few non blood brothers for awhile?

One is a girl, the other is a boy. I probably won't see them before they leave, they are living at my parent's house and I don't go over there much.

How long is this lady going to be in the nuthouse?

Get them to do dishes or vacuum for you, long term guests are great for that.

And I thought liberals were sensitive to black people's problems. :roll: :roll:

 

[Steeplerot]

Well, it is polite to help with chores if you stay somewhere for awhile, you are the one bringing their color into it.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: Steeplerot
Well, it is polite to help with chores if you stay somewhere for awhile, you are the one bringing their color into it.

I was mainly referring to the fact that you referred to the mental hospital as a 'nuthouse.'

 

[judasmachine]

i think you are looking at it wrong. i think it's more a class issue than a race issue. i know more poor families where the dad took the proverbial walk for a pack of smokes, than families that are much better off. (not that the rich are immune by any means.)

 

[JEDIYoda]

I wonder if there would even be an issue if the kids were white.....hmmmm

 

[DanceMan]

Originally posted by: Dissipate
...

Is this kind of behavior endemic in black families? Do black men just have the attitude that taking care of their own kids is not a priority?

I too, agree it's somewhat of a class issue, but I also get the feeling there's a lot more going on with this family than meets the eye.

Although I definately applaud your parents for helping out, they should realize that they are probably going to be more intertwined with this family in the future. I think there's a good chance that the mother may relapse at some point in the future, and she will once again that you family take care of the children.

Even if they are good kids, you are dealing with teenagers. Parents already have enough trouble dealing with this, and their current status with your parents is unclear. And, you also have to look at it from their perspective too, it's probably something they are not comfortable with. Their friends may be teasing them about their current situation.

As for the father, I do admit that is puzzling. Even deliquent fathers would find it to be a slap in the face if their kids were raised by another man, especially by one of a different race, but as I said, I think there's more going on here than what is known. I will say this: You learn about being a responsible father by having a responsible father. It is sad but true that there are a lot of single mothers out there raising kids on their own. Generally, they are working so hard, that kids practially have no good role models, especially father-figure types. So, sometimes it is a self-fufilling prophecy.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: JEDIYoda
I wonder if there would even be an issue if the kids were white.....hmmmm

Of course there would be.

 

[Dissipate]

Originally posted by: DanceMan
It is sad but true that there are a lot of single mothers out there raising kids on their own. Generally, they are working so hard, that kids practially have no good role models, especially father-figure types. So, sometimes it is a self-fufilling prophecy.

I agree, and I'm not saying this kind of behavior doesn't go on in white families or any ethnic group for that matter. But it just seems like this problem is an epidemic in black families. Hence, I was wondering where this stems from. Why do so many black men treat their children like this??

 

[BlancoNino]

Originally posted by: judasmachine
i think you are looking at it wrong. i think it's more a class issue than a race issue. i know more poor families where the dad took the proverbial walk for a pack of smokes, than families that are much better off. (not that the rich are immune by any means.)

I agree. There are plenty of white families with the same dead-beat parents.

 

[LumbergTech]

white men are just as bad ..dont fool yourself

 

[techs]

Here's a thought. Try thinking of them as kids and not black kids.
btw your parents sound like good people.

 

[bamacre]

Why is this in P&N?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: bamacre
Why is this in P&N?

i was thinking the same thing

 

[bamacre]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: bamacre
Why is this in P&N?

i was thinking the same thing

Great minds think alike.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: bamacre

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: bamacre
Why is this in P&N?

i was thinking the same thing

Great minds think alike.