i found a bug (another) in the bible

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
13,254
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the weirdest things come to mind when you've slept too much but need to sleep anyway because you have a meeting early in the morning.

also, watching Preacher must have helped.


So .. the resurrection of lazarus. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raising_of_Lazarus

When jesus gets to Bethany, Lazarus has been dead for four days, right?

What happens (according to the bible, that is) when you die? hmm, that's right. You go to heaven .. or in case, to hell.

So Lazarus dies, and his soul travels to heaven -or- to hell. Then 4 days later jesus, nonchalant, resurrects him.

Lazarus speaks, moves amongst his family, recognizes people. He's not a zombie or anything.
So jesus not only resurrected his body, he put his soul back in it.

Now, again we know that heaven is a state of bliss, you witness the splendor of God, and it's *the* perfect state of existence that any soul can wish.
Otoh, hell is a spiritual torture, the polar opposite.

To think this guy returns to life after having experienced either, is insane. He would be either like "wtf, why did you bring me back to this shithole", or in the other instance, something like "it buuurns .. it buurrnnnnsss!!".



I telling the devs about this.
 

Mai72

Lifer
Sep 12, 2012
11,578
1,740
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No heaven or hell.

There is even no darkness.

There is just nothing. A void. Do you remember anything before you were born? Well that's death.

Another reason why you shouldn't get attached to your children, wife and family members. Don't get attached to your material possessions.
 

skull

Platinum Member
Jun 5, 2000
2,209
327
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No heaven or hell.

There is even no darkness.

There is just nothing. A void. Do you remember anything before you were born? Well that's death.

Another reason why you shouldn't get attached to your children, wife and family members. Don't get attached to your material possessions.

Sometimes I get flashbacks to past lives I feel but your probably right.
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
13,254
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im not saying any of it is true; but, according to the narrative in the bible itself, this wouldn't make sense.

i'm atheist, in case it wasn't clear.
 

sdifox

No Lifer
Sep 30, 2005
93,684
14,295
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Lazarus got trolled. Here is a taste of heaven, but now you are back to your dreadful existence.


God works in mysterious ways indeed.
 
Feb 4, 2009
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Not a biblical scholar.

He was excited to tell his friends about it & knew how to live life in a way that gets him access again. He wanted to spread the word.

Almost like finding a great ice cream stand. You don't have to live there but telling people you know about it makes you happy.
 

Linux23

Lifer
Apr 9, 2000
11,303
670
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im not saying any of it is true; but, according to the narrative in the bible itself, this wouldn't make sense.

i'm atheist, in case it wasn't clear.
It wouldn't make sense because you have no faith.
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,735
445
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There are no such things as bugs in the bible, only miracles

If it still doesn't make sense than you simply don't have enough faith. Duh
 

Tweak155

Lifer
Sep 23, 2003
11,446
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Not everyone interprets what happens at death the same as you, even direct from the bible. See Mark 5:39, Luke 8:52-53, Matthew 9:24 (all 3 are same account, but for reference), Psalm 13:3... John 11:11-14 is specific to Lazarus which also indicates he has fallen asleep, but both accounts are referring to death. 1 Cor 15:20, 1 Thes 4:13-18, etc.

The point being, there *may* be a period prior to going to heaven or hell that you're not accounting for... where you're just "sleeping".

Now, not arguing what is correct... but if you're going to use the bible's indications of what happens at death, there is more to consider. But if you've already decided it's a farce, I'm not sure why you'd spend any time on it?
 
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JTsyo

Lifer
Nov 18, 2007
11,553
687
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I thought all dead people got put in purgatory until Judgement Day. Also recall the Bible says that for the time that Jesus was dead he was preaching the gospel to the dead. I don't see much point in preaching to those in heaven and who in hell would give up the chance to be saved?
 
Feb 4, 2009
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I thought all dead people got put in purgatory until Judgement Day. Also recall the Bible says that for the time that Jesus was dead he was preaching the gospel to the dead. I don't see much point in preaching to those in heaven and who in hell would give up the chance to be saved?

Different interpretations some put the burden to get into heaven as an enormous struggle of giving everything, spreading the word and living humbly. Others read it as live a faithful life, confess your sins.

This is an over simplification but a decent summary
 

JM Aggie08

Diamond Member
Jan 3, 2006
8,137
766
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This has been a very civil discussion thus far. Color me surprised.

Except Mai. The bit about not getting attached to your family was just flat out depressing. I'll just go live in a hole, because nothing matters anyway.
 

disappoint

Lifer
Dec 7, 2009
10,137
382
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There are no such things as bugs in the bible, only miracles

If it still doesn't make sense than you simply don't have enough faith. Duh

Speak for yourself an ant crawled on mine just before I closed the book and now the stain is still there from squashed bug guts.

I would have used Liquid Paper to cover up the stain but I was afraid of accidentally huffing the fumes and having a religious experience.
 

cytg111

Lifer
Mar 17, 2008
22,347
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Oh noes!

http://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/dogma/quote_28845.html


"Bethany: So what? They beat the system. Good for them.
Metatron: It's not that simple. If they get in, they will have reversed God's decree. Now, listen closely, because this bit's very important. Existence, in all its form and splendor, functions solely on one principle:God is infallible. To prove Him wrong would undo reality and everything that is. Up would become down, black would become white, existence would become nothingness. In essence, if they're allowed to enter that church, they'll unmake the world."
 

GagHalfrunt

Lifer
Apr 19, 2001
25,297
2,000
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The bible should have been the alpha version. They released it without proper testing and it's been nothing but trouble ever since.
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
67,980
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Have you submitted a help desk ticket?

nn20140101a1f-870x489.jpg
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
13,254
1,965
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it just freaks me out to think poor old lazarus was in heaven, and they brought him back to the world of the living.

or rather, put back a tortured soul into a living body. not cool man, not cool.


also, afaik, even being dead for 45 minutes is enough to see the afterlife.
http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2464551


It wouldn't make sense because you have no faith.

i expect faith to behave the same way that reality does. so, if under X condition, subject Y experiences result Z, then every other instance should give the same result. if the book tells me that once dead, your soul departs your body, i have to assume that always happens, not "unless it fits the narrative".
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
110,198
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I thought all dead people got put in purgatory until Judgement Day. Also recall the Bible says that for the time that Jesus was dead he was preaching the gospel to the dead. I don't see much point in preaching to those in heaven and who in hell would give up the chance to be saved?

Purgatory is Catholic doctrine that really isn't to be found in the Bible. Protestants have no such thing as purgatory.

The premise of the OP is a bit flawed because a lot of that going to heaven or to hell business really only happened after Jesus' supposed martyrdom. --The concept of meeting god/jesus or being punished via banishment from his presence (hell) can only exist when there is a dead jesus to visit (or to be sent away from).

Heaven/Hell is a Christian concept developed at least a century after Jesus's supposed death; it is not a Jewish concept. Jesus was a Jew.
 
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Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,023
951
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Huh? Dead people don't go to heaven or hell immediately according to Christianity.

They just stay dormant until second coming of Christ occurs (i.e. rapture & apocalypse). THEN everyone dead wakes up (not physically) and get sent to heaven or hell.

So Lazarus was just dead, didn't go anywhere, and was brought back to life.
 

sandorski

No Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
69,967
5,493
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Not sure if the Biblical narrative is the problem, I'm unaware of inconsistencies on this subject. However, all those people with Near Death Experiences clearly are in contradiction to this narrative.
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
13,254
1,965
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Huh? Dead people don't go to heaven or hell immediately according to Christianity.

They just stay dormant until second coming of Christ occurs (i.e. rapture & apocalypse). THEN everyone dead wakes up (not physically) and get sent to heaven or hell.

So Lazarus was just dead, didn't go anywhere, and was brought back to life.

?????
https://www.crossway.org/blog/2014/05/what-did-jesus-teach-about-hell/
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2014/05/08/what-did-jesus-say-or-teach-about-hell/
http://www.biblestudying.net/cosmo-5.html

im really not good at this.
 
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GagHalfrunt

Lifer
Apr 19, 2001
25,297
2,000
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im really not good at this.

The Christians are even worse at it than you. They've got a non-sensical belief system based on contradictory fairy tales written by psychopaths, schizophrenics and bunko artists and they're been trying to justify it since it was invented. And they fail miserably because the bible can't be made intelligent or believable no matter how it's rationalized. All you can do is laugh at it and laugh harder at the people who believe it.
 

Red Squirrel

No Lifer
May 24, 2003
66,393
11,583
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My guess is that his resurrection was predetermined so from Lazarus' point of view he never really died and just passed out. Kinda like when you sleep, then wake up, you were sorta "brain dead" for 8 hours and don't remember anything that happened (other than maybe dreams) then space time "fast forwards" to waking up.

On the other hand it could very well be he went to heaven, but was told he's going back... wouldn't that be a bummer though. It's like bringing your kids to the gates of Disney World, then driving back home. :p
 

JEDIYoda

Lifer
Jul 13, 2005
33,981
3,318
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He found another bug in the Bible...well duh......more likely a lack of his understanding.....