I don't own my child's body

[johnjohn320]

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Oh, give me a break. One of the most absurd articles I've ever read on a major news source. This woman actually tries to draw a straight line between hugging grandma and Sandusky, or teenage girls putting out before they're ready.

 

[vi edit]

I guess good touch/bad touch converstations are too hard to have with kids anymore.

 

[Farang]

I only read the first few paragraphs but it seems to make some sense.

That said I think you teach them selfishness and bad social manners. Sometimes someone needs a hug, sometimes you do things to make someone feel better/loved, even if you don't necessarily feel the urge to do it.

 

[gothamhunter]

It makes sense but the author sensationalizes it.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

It makes sense but the author sensationalizes it.

They're a journalist.

Errmm... well... "travel writer."

Anyway. Sensationalizing stuff is their... *cough*... "job."

 

[Exterous]

Would you want your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend simply to make him happy? Parents who justify ordering their children to kiss grandma might say, "It's different."

No, it's not, according to author Jennifer Lehr, who blogs about her parenting style. Ordering children to kiss or hug an adult they don't want to touch teaches them to use their body to please you or someone else in authority or, really, anyone.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that wrapping your arms around grandma is actually just a tad different than letting your boyfriend stick his dick in you. Also sounds like the author has a hard time separating non-sexual love from sexual love/lust

 

[busydude]

Would you want your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend simply to make him happy?

What is wrong in doing that?

 

[vi edit]

I pity the way a kid in that environment would grow up. I can't help but think that they would be fearful, if not even repulsed by physical intimacy later into their lives.

 

[Exterous]

What is wrong in doing that?

Hey hey hey - I never said there was anything wrong with it. Granted I changed from trying that with my wife to just alcohol but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the method

 

[Charles Kozierok]

I am going to go out on a limb and say that wrapping your arms around grandma is actually just a tad different than letting your boyfriend stick his dick in you. Also sounds like the author has a hard time separating non-sexual love from sexual love/lust

Well of course it is different. Nobody is saying they are the same. The point is that you teach children when they are young that they have *control* over their bodies, to help them understand limits and to respect their feelings when they feel uncomfortable.

A child taught that he or she can say "no" to being asked to hug someone is also a child more likely to resist or ask for help when put in a more compromising situation.

 

[OutHouse]

I am going to go out on a limb and say that wrapping your arms around grandma is actually just a tad different than letting your boyfriend stick his dick in you. Also sounds like the author has a hard time separating non-sexual love from sexual love/lust

this.

author is a wingnut.

 

[busydude]

Hey hey hey - I never said there was anything wrong with it. Granted I changed from trying that with my wife to just alcohol but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the method

LOL, I quoted the article alone. Didn't mean to quote you.

 

[Exterous]

LOL, I quoted the article alone. Didn't mean to quote you.

No worries

 

[Exterous]

Well of course it is different. Nobody is saying they are the same. The point is that you teach children when they are young that they have *control* over their bodies, to help them understand limits and to respect their feelings when they feel uncomfortable.

A child taught that he or she can say "no" to being asked to hug someone is also a child more likely to resist or ask for help when put in a more compromising situation.

She makes a direct link between any type of pressured physical contact and unwanted sexual advances while avoiding the generally obvious contextual differences. Thus pressuring someone to hug grandma will apparently open them up to being pressured for sexual intercourse

"The message a child gets is that not only is another person's emotional state their responsibility but that they must also sacrifice their own bodies to buoy another's ego or satisfy their desire for love or affection," said Lehr.
"Certainly no parent would wish for their teenager or adult child to feel pressure to reciprocate unwanted sexual advances, yet many teach their children at a young age that it's their job to use their bodies to make others happy," she said.

Honestly if you want to go that route you could say that having your child do anything someone else would view as nice is bad and could lead to unwanted sexual contact. The reasoning: We have now taught our kids that they should do something that someone else thinks is nice. When you child meets someone who thinks sex is nice they will be pressured do do the nice thing and have sex with them...

 

[Charles Kozierok]

The reasoning: We have now taught our kids that they should do something that someone else thinks is nice. When you child meets someone who thinks sex is nice they will be pressured do do the nice thing and have sex with them...

She's making this specific argument with respect to physical body contact.

I don't know if it's an accurate hypothesis or not. But it's not an utterly outlandish concept.

 

[Puppies04]

I am going to go out on a limb and say that wrapping your arms around grandma is actually just a tad different than letting your boyfriend stick his dick in you.

You haven't been to one of my family gatherings have you.

 

[SMOGZINN]

Honestly if you want to go that route you could say that having your child do anything someone else would view as nice is bad and could lead to unwanted sexual contact. The reasoning: We have now taught our kids that they should do something that someone else thinks is nice. When you child meets someone who thinks sex is nice they will be pressured do do the nice thing and have sex with them...

I agree with you, but it is simpler then that even, it all comes down to teaching them to submit to authority.
She is trying to argue for total agency while avoiding the sticky problems that come up with that. Telling them to eat their peas takes away their agency over their bodies, but we understand that a child is not wise enough to know what to eat. They only have limited agency. It is teaching them when to assert their agency, and when to accept authority that is important, not teaching them that they can do what ever they want whenever they want.

 

[johnjohn320]

I am going to go out on a limb and say that wrapping your arms around grandma is actually just a tad different than letting your boyfriend stick his dick in you. Also sounds like the author has a hard time separating non-sexual love from sexual love/lust

Well of course it is different. Nobody is saying they are the same.

*cough*

Would you want your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend simply to make him happy? Parents who justify ordering their children to kiss grandma might say, "It's different."

No, it's not, according to author Jennifer Lehr, who blogs about her parenting style.

Reading is a skill...

 

[Zedtom]

This is the pendulum swinging back and forth. There are the liberal minded mommies who have the misguided notion that children are the most important members of society and we need to give up all of our rights to protect theirs. Then we have the priests and Sanduskys of the world who think they have a special bond with children.

 

[Charles Kozierok]

*cough*
Reading is a skill...

True. Also true: context is important. A couple of paragraphs down from what you quoted:

"Certainly no parent would wish for their teenager or adult child to feel pressure to reciprocate unwanted sexual advances, yet many teach their children at a young age that it's their job to use their bodies to make others happy," she said.

I'm a reasonable person and I try to assume that others are as well. I don't see anyone saying that hugging grandma is "the same" as having sex. The point is instilling in kids a feeling of ownership over their bodies.

 

[ShawnD1]

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Oh, give me a break. One of the most absurd articles I've ever read on a major news source. This woman actually tries to draw a straight line between hugging grandma and Sandusky, or teenage girls putting out before they're ready.

In theory it's a nice policy to not hug people unless I want to. In reality, that's just something you deal with. Sometimes you need to shake hands instead of stab the guy in the throat because he's such a god damn retard. That's how the business world works - always pretend everybody is your friend.

 

[Exterous]

I don't know if it's an accurate hypothesis or not. But it's not an utterly outlandish concept.

In absence of other social ques and guidelines perhaps. Yet for years women have been hugging people without constantly having sex with every man/boyfriend who just wants to be pleased. This would indicate there is more to it than her little social experiment

In theory it's a nice policy to not hug people unless I want to. In reality, that's just something you deal with. Sometimes you need to shake hands instead of stab the guy in the throat because he's such a god damn retard. That's how the business world works - always pretend everybody is your friend.

And now we know why ShawnD1 gives handies in bathrooms - because he was taught that social pressures involving physical hand contact were acceptable and should be given into

 

[johnjohn320]

True. Also true: context is important. A couple of paragraphs down from what you quoted:



I'm a reasonable person and I try to assume that others are as well. I don't see anyone saying that hugging grandma is "the same" as having sex. The point is instilling in kids a feeling of ownership over their bodies.

Uh...your quote reinforces exactly what I was saying. The argument of this article is that teaching children to hug their grandparents will lead down the path to giving up sex to make others happy. it's ridiculous.

 

[waggy]

teh lady is a fucking nutcake.

 

[coldmeat]

Why not just teach your kid to want to hug grandma?