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I CANNOT BELIEVE MY BF...

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lola
  • Start date Start date
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Lola

Today my boyfriend and i were grocery shopping and for some reason got to talking about marriage/relationships and devorice and prenuptiual agreements. He asked me why i wouldn't sign one. I said that once two people are married you shouldn't think about those things and it is a way to cheapen a marriage. He then went on to say that it's probablly going to end in divorce anyways. Being the analytical guy he is, he said that. I just couldn't believe he said it becasue it was as if he was bashing or not caring about our relationship now and what's to say he won't change his views about marriage in the future. I honestly think he is "the guy of my dreams" and when he said this is just grabbed my heart and spit on it.

Maybe i am just being a typical female but do most men think like this? I can't help but think about the future...
 
prenuptual agreements are like giving up on a marriage before its happened. In my opinion anyhow. And right now most marriages fail, so it would kind of make sense if you think that your own would fail, but its kind of a depressing thought.
 
Most marriages <sp?> end in divorce anymore. It's just the way things are. What is true today is not true tomorrow. Hate to be a doomsayer, but ya gotta protect yourself, it's for your good as well as your bf's.
 
depends on the circumstances, i guess most people will think about it, but a large majority of them will never bring it up.
 
Maybe if women weren't so conniving, deceitful, and frugal, men wouldn't have to protect their interests so closely. :disgust::|
 
I think a prenup is standard nowadays - my parents drew one up but they also agreed to never let the word divorce enter their vocabulary. Happily married for 23 years now. So it's not forecasting the early end of a marriage, it may just be something that he has always expected to be part of the procedure before he gets married. I don't think you really need to take it as seriously as all that. However, do perhaps have a talk with him about how committed he wants to be in a marriage relationship, if you both match up in never wanting to consider divorce.
 
Prenups are for people who are not sure the marriage will work, or are not willing to make the marriage work. Except in some cases of abuse, etc.., people use prenup's and divorces as a way to run from their problems.

.. Or weren't prepared for marriage in the first place. It should be a sacred thing, but I think too many people take it too casually these days.
 
I said that once two people are married you shouldn't think about those things and it is a way to cheapen a marriage. He then went on to say that it's probablly going to end in divorce anyways.

well maybe i'm just an analytical guy but...

a.) he probably wasn't referring to you two, just everybody else 🙂

b.) prenups are a MUST. who goes into marriage thinking they're going to get divorced? nobody! yet a lot of people do.

think of it like this, what harm can a pre nup do? nothing. what harm can not having one do? it can ruin your freaking life.
 
How do you know he was talking about your potential marriage? I'm assuming he hasn't asked you. Maybe he was just saying in general if you were being married why would you not sign one? If you want to talk to him about your relationship and your marriage, talk about it that way instead of speaking in general terms. Don't hold it against your boyfriend for having an opinion that isn't necessarily specific to your relationship. As I said, if you want him to give his opinion of your relationship, ask him "if we got married, would you ask me to sign a prenuptial?".
 
honestly, i believe it... i mean, you have to treat a marriage like a business. you have to protect yourself incase sh1t happens....its a way of ensuring that if something horrible happens, you wont suffer entirely because of it.
 
You could talk to him about it but don't go too crazy or he'll start getting horrified about marriage.

Personally I think prenups are ridiculous. You sign one it's like admitting you won't give it your all. Yes 1/2 of marriages do end in divorce, but it's not something you should plan for or even think about.
 
I personally look at it this way, if we're likely not going to divorce, then why would it matter if I wanted a prenup. or not? It's put there tho' to protect both parties, should the "unthinkable" happen. The same can be said if I wanted to get life insurance in my 20s, or disability etc. Yes, I'd like to believe it's not gonna happen, but I still gotta look out for myself.
 
Because the legal system isn't particularly fair to men, a pre-nup is definitely a must. You don't expect to have a car accident either, but you do have insurance don't you?
 
"He then went on to say that it's probablly going to end in divorce anyways..."

50% of marriages do end in divorce and that's obscene. IMO, people don't change from birth to death. Your BF is the same today as he will be when he's 75. If you think you'll be able to change him to suit you better after you're married, it ain't gonna happen. If he's going into it with this negative attitude, it don't look good. And I don't understand why people bother getting married at all, if they require a prenup. Why are they marrying in the first place? 😕
 
We live in a litigant and divorce prevalent society. In most cases, the man automatically "loses" in a divorce.

Put yourself in his shoes. If you know that divorce is a possibility, however remote, and that if it does happen you'll get screwed, would you want to get married? Now, if you could get married and have an agreement made while you do love each other that you won't screw each other over if it goes sour, wouldn't you want that?

I personally will never marry (for my own reasons.) I have a partner though and we're looking at buying a house. Our relationship is exceptionally strong right now, but we know that if we break up joint ownership a house is a major problem. So we're getting a lawyer to draw up agreements on what we agree to do if such should happen. We respect each other and want each other's happiness, and so we are even now considering our mutual happiness if the relationship ends.

Edit: Consider this: If you are this bent out of shape about his interest in something which is intended to ensure equity and happiness if things go bad, then are you sure you two are compatible? If you don't think alike on a matter such as this, what else will cause problems? Talk to him, trust his good intentions, because if you can't then you'll find that marriage is impossible.
 
no, we are not getting married..anytime soon, if ever...i don't know what will happen, but i was just pi$$ed becasue he said that. C/mon, we are living together...it's hard not to think of those things.

<<Prenups are for people who are not sure the marriage will work, or are not willing to make the marriage work. Except in some cases of abuse, etc.., people use prenup's and divorces as a way to run from their problems.>>

i agree. Maybe it's becasue my parents are divorced that i am freaking out so much. It just seems to me that i am putting all my heart into it and want to continue to. When he said this, it makes me wonder why...

Like i said, i love him immeasurably and it hurt
 
you know what, he doesn't even know that what he said hurt you. He wasn't talking about your relationship, but you inferred it that way. You are being a girl and reading too much into it. Don't worry it happens. For you not to get bitter and stew about it, then throw it in face at a later date, talk about it now so that it doesn't get worse in the future.
 


<< no, we are not getting married..anytime soon, if ever...i don't know what will happen, but i was just pi$$ed becasue he said that. C/mon, we are living together...it's hard not to think of those things.

<<Prenups are for people who are not sure the marriage will work, or are not willing to make the marriage work. Except in some cases of abuse, etc.., people use prenup's and divorces as a way to run from their problems.>>

i agree. Maybe it's becasue my parents are divorced that i am freaking out so much. It just seems to me that i am putting all my heart into it and want to continue to. When he said this, it makes me wonder why...

Like i said, i love him immeasurably and it hurt >>



If you love him so much why would not not think you'll ever get married? Or want him to be entitled to a fair divorce if one ever happens?
 
Men are too rational and women are generally irrational. How else would you explain these women that keep going back to a guys that are beating them? And if the guy doesn't see marriage as "rational", I wouldn't give it very good odds. How can he have his heart in it if he's thinking prenuptial agreements? THAT's irrational!
 
<< .. Or weren't prepared for marriage in the first place. It should be a sacred thing, but I think too many people take it too casually these days >

I agree with that completely. I'm only 17 and the statistic I keep hearing, that nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce sickens me, not only that, it frightens me. When I decide to marry, I'm going to be damn sure of it and nothing will keep me from the woman I love until the day I die. I understand that with people living longer, and having more hectic lives divorce has become a common thing, but I'm a big proponent of working hard to make things work out, if you got married for the right reasons it shouldn't be too difficult. shrug.. what do I know though, I'm just young and naive.
 
<< How can he have his heart in it if he's thinking prenuptial agreements? THAT's irrational! >>

Spoken like someone who's never been through a divorce. Sorry Ornery, but you're pretty much wrong. Nobody enters into marriage thinking they'll get divorced....but 50% of them do.
That's a sad fact, but it is true. Therefore, the only REASONABLE thing for anyone to do if they have anything of value before marriage, is to get a prenup.

Look at it this way: If everything is going to work out fine and you're never going to get divorced, then great. You won't need the prenup. But if you do, it's there.

People change. That's a fact. Their feelings change. That's a fact. If you go into a marriage with nothing, no money, property, trust fund, business, etc, then there's no need for a prenup.
A good common sense prenup will basically ensure that a spouse won't get part of the family business, property, etc. If a bride is so sure that they'll never break up, then she shouldn't even blink when asked to sign a prenup.

I got married for the 2nd (and last) time a little over 1 1/2 years ago. I didn't get a prenup, because I had basically nothing but my house, which is mine because I had it before the marriage. Anything we acquire after marriage is 1/2 hers, and I have no problem with that. Neither does she. However, if I had a big business, lots of investments, real estate, etc, I would have definitely gotten a prenup. It's just common sense.
Kind of like you don't put your hand on a hot stove twice before you realize it burns. 😉
 
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