You people are so mean, here is a nice guy who really likes a girl and isn't trying to use her for sex, and you all dog on him. Not all men are heartless, or experienced in relationships yet, so give him a break. Although I think this is quite a strange message board to post this topic on, good luck to you. Just remember that the chances of you ending up marrying the 1st lady you ever date are slim to none, so just don't get down about it, ya got to kiss many frogs before they turn into a prince/princesss as they say!
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
Points from my last response months ago:
1st have you had a girlfriend yet....last post you mentioned never having a g/f before...if not you are merely holding a candle for this other woman and once you meet someone else, your 'craving' for her will die down/out. In the 3 months or so since then you should have been at least able to get a lunch date out...if you haven't you are merely replacing that with going for an impossible girl and thinking it's all going to be happily ever after.
Also you said this chick is 1.5 hours away, that is the wrong move for a 1st g/f yet alone any new g/f...again without a reference point of real dating, this may seem realistic to you, but it's just not really realistic.
Has she been dating now? If she is an experienced dater she'd more than likely have a problem with a 1.5 hour distance relationship anyway. I am willing to bet she has a hunch about you....also may be dreading the day you ask her...not that she wouldn't if things were different, but that 1.5 hour drive is just a deal killer.
Chinese, Japanese, French, whatever, a college girl is a college girl....some are prudes / over cautious, but most want a 'hot guy'. You don't have to be the best looking or richest or anything like that, just have to keep them on their toes, laughing, curious, excited, etc. Even as a virgin, and even if you want to remain a virgin this is still a requirement....a girl doesn't want just a best friend and a girl no matter how prim and proper and pure is thinking about sex and kissing and cuddling quite a bit at times and other times all business. They may have made a pledge to wait until marriage, but I guarantee you they want it and are waiting to meet the right guy the older they get to 'get to the fun stuff'.
I have found most guys under estimate the sex drive and sexuality of a woman, especially a nice woman. In banking they all mostly looked like stuck up, churchgoers that couldn't have fun if they tried....however going out for drinks often brought out a totally different person in private. Most women are sort of secretive about their sex lives and I have been amazed that women I would have guessed boring were actually a really fun time. Don't treat them like your sister whatever you do....or your daugther....I have known a lot of guys that got the chick they wanted in bed and then totally, absolutely p!ssed her off by acting like DAD before they got naked or after...TELLING them what they should and should not be doing. The most embarrassing was when the girl they thought was a virgin like them turns out not to be and they got to find out by a p!ssed off and sexually frustrated person they wanted for weeks, months, years and now blew absolutely any chance of even keeping a friendship. Talking to a woman as a little girl is extremely insulting and degrading. You can be a knight, just don't be the Pope.
My advice is (still) to date and/or mess around with younger chicks (16-18) and get a feel for how it works first. (I am remembering you are a college freshman so that is fair game). You are bound to get laughed at, laugh at, get someone angry, get angry yourself, etc....you learn to get a handle on what's what and what isn't.
As you date more and more you reach a point when you look back and understand it all, in ten years more than likely you will have thought this all silly.
1st have you had a girlfriend yet....last post you mentioned never having a g/f before...if not you are merely holding a candle for this other woman and once you meet someone else, your 'craving' for her will die down/out. In the 3 months or so since then you should have been at least able to get a lunch date out...if you haven't you are merely replacing that with going for an impossible girl and thinking it's all going to be happily ever after.
Also you said this chick is 1.5 hours away, that is the wrong move for a 1st g/f yet alone any new g/f...again without a reference point of real dating, this may seem realistic to you, but it's just not really realistic.
Has she been dating now? If she is an experienced dater she'd more than likely have a problem with a 1.5 hour distance relationship anyway. I am willing to bet she has a hunch about you....also may be dreading the day you ask her...not that she wouldn't if things were different, but that 1.5 hour drive is just a deal killer.
Chinese, Japanese, French, whatever, a college girl is a college girl....some are prudes / over cautious, but most want a 'hot guy'. You don't have to be the best looking or richest or anything like that, just have to keep them on their toes, laughing, curious, excited, etc. Even as a virgin, and even if you want to remain a virgin this is still a requirement....a girl doesn't want just a best friend and a girl no matter how prim and proper and pure is thinking about sex and kissing and cuddling quite a bit at times and other times all business. They may have made a pledge to wait until marriage, but I guarantee you they want it and are waiting to meet the right guy the older they get to 'get to the fun stuff'.
I have found most guys under estimate the sex drive and sexuality of a woman, especially a nice woman. In banking they all mostly looked like stuck up, churchgoers that couldn't have fun if they tried....however going out for drinks often brought out a totally different person in private. Most women are sort of secretive about their sex lives and I have been amazed that women I would have guessed boring were actually a really fun time. Don't treat them like your sister whatever you do....or your daugther....I have known a lot of guys that got the chick they wanted in bed and then totally, absolutely p!ssed her off by acting like DAD before they got naked or after...TELLING them what they should and should not be doing. The most embarrassing was when the girl they thought was a virgin like them turns out not to be and they got to find out by a p!ssed off and sexually frustrated person they wanted for weeks, months, years and now blew absolutely any chance of even keeping a friendship. Talking to a woman as a little girl is extremely insulting and degrading. You can be a knight, just don't be the Pope.
My advice is (still) to date and/or mess around with younger chicks (16-18) and get a feel for how it works first. (I am remembering you are a college freshman so that is fair game). You are bound to get laughed at, laugh at, get someone angry, get angry yourself, etc....you learn to get a handle on what's what and what isn't.
As you date more and more you reach a point when you look back and understand it all, in ten years more than likely you will have thought this all silly.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
remain calm. Women hate men who seem desperate.
Just tell her that you have been thinking about her for a long time and you would be honored if the two of you could get together.
I don't know about using HONORED at 18 or so to ask a girl out...I think I would still have dreams of her cackling even now 14 years later [honored! honored! heheheh dude I just wanna f * * * / have fun, not go to a freaking tea party like I played at 8!]. I don't think I would use that until I was in my 40's or 50's at least and even then....
Most of the even most reserved/conservative women want to be sort of swept off their feet I have found, not showered with politeness and elegantness. Sure they'd love to be wined and dined once in a while, but once their hair comes down I have also found they are surprisingly 'different' in the bed room as well. That lovey/dovey stuff has never gone over well with my generation or younger...
A woman may want to be loved and not just used, however she definitely doesn't want to be bored and numbed by lack of cajones. The trick is to push her borderline and not insult her though...you are wanting to go for excitement and stimulation, not revolt and nauseation
Å
I'll chip in $5 for a vasectomy fund on the off chance he forgets his vows and accidentally reproduces.
I'll be honest, I am not going to read all the messages in this thread or the old one.
And some of the people might sound mean but I think that has to do with the fact
that there are alot of messages similar to yours. I'm a noob and I cannot ask someone
out. And while alot of the reponses might seem mean, those response
basically express what you need to do. Its never going to get easier.
Your not going to magically wake up one more and find, oh I can ask her out.
Stop trying to over think things. Just ask her out. You obviously talk to her alot
if your truely giving yourself an anxiety attack over it, ask her out as a friend.
Tell her there is a movie you want to see, and if she would like to go with your.
Ask her if she wants to get a bite to eat sometime time. Work up to asking her
out on a date.
Things are never going to get easier. And its rare for women to aggresively
pursue men, and the ones that do, usually aren't going to pursue an extremely
shy guy. Otherwise you'll end up only being setup up by other people. And thats
never a good thing.
And some of the people might sound mean but I think that has to do with the fact
that there are alot of messages similar to yours. I'm a noob and I cannot ask someone
out. And while alot of the reponses might seem mean, those response
basically express what you need to do. Its never going to get easier.
Your not going to magically wake up one more and find, oh I can ask her out.
Stop trying to over think things. Just ask her out. You obviously talk to her alot
if your truely giving yourself an anxiety attack over it, ask her out as a friend.
Tell her there is a movie you want to see, and if she would like to go with your.
Ask her if she wants to get a bite to eat sometime time. Work up to asking her
out on a date.
Things are never going to get easier. And its rare for women to aggresively
pursue men, and the ones that do, usually aren't going to pursue an extremely
shy guy. Otherwise you'll end up only being setup up by other people. And thats
never a good thing.
Originally posted by: nanyangview
help me please guys...
ican't sleep or eat properly
Ahhhh.... The pinings of a boy in heat.... Is it mating season already? What am i doing sitting here typing on this forum. I better get started.:moon:12x
Regs
Lifer
- Aug 9, 2002
- 16,665
- 21
- 81
nany, it's a little frustrating for myself as well to try to digest all the self loathing and doubt you have for yourself. Poor self image, it's a very adaptive American trait.
Two words: Grow up. Accept responsibility in your actions and take a risk. There's going to be pain and suffering no matter which course of action you decide to take in life, so for gods sake, suck it up and grow up.
Mang, you just need to know these words:
"I loved, I lost, I grew" stop being so sad! Wtf has she done to you to make you sad? You are just putting it upon yourself! Now if you care about her, just let her know ... so now if she rejects you then you've loved, lost, and now you grow up and stop being a teeeennny booper!!
"I loved, I lost, I grew" stop being so sad! Wtf has she done to you to make you sad? You are just putting it upon yourself! Now if you care about her, just let her know ... so now if she rejects you then you've loved, lost, and now you grow up and stop being a teeeennny booper!!
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