Story starting and ending between 2 years ago and 3 years ago.
I have been to the extremes of religion I suppose you would say.
Fearing sin and not letting myself live my own life the way I wanted to, because some big dude over my head said it was bad and there was repercussions.
Doing things like:
- formatting a hard drive and getting rid of all my pirated software
- throwing out 20 burned DVDs with movies
- Not going into someones car because they MIGHT have mp3s on their mp3-cd player
I have to say, trying to conform to religion and to actually try to be 100% on the "right side" is not an easy thing, even slightly trying.
I prayed every day, feeling personal guilt if I didn't, just because I wanted to be at that level.
Living a life by fear - I would not let myself do anything because everything I wanted to do was either illegal, had the concept of me being in a situation which I had more control over (eg playing UT2004 with my brother who has paid for ut2004 but not for windows.. oh no, I can't do that, I'm contributing to his sin or letting him which was probably a sin in my mind)..
You might see a pattern here of doing things I didn't enjoy, didn't want to do, but was compelled to do only by some psychotic fear of hell or something like it.
Many people I know who were supportive people were trying to tell me this was bad, cause yes this is a psychotic thing (but imagine you actually fear hell to the point say.. any Christian priest would like you to -- not that my religion is Christianity, but for arguments sake let's say it can be similar)
thousand+ year old scriptures that told you be righteous, don't do this, don't do that..
if I didn't follow this sense of logic that applied maybe 1000 years ago, but BARELY today, I would go to hell and whatever.
Long story short, one day I snapped because this so-called religion wasn't bringing me food on my plate, wasn't making me happy. My prayers weren't answered unless I had faith in my prayers, so who was answering them, me or God?
I snapped, and hated everything to do with all this unwilling ******. If I let it win, I could never be happy.
A few months later, I really reflected and I learned:
- religion uses false positives to teach you negative stereotypes of average people
- religion is either extreme pleasure (eg, I go there to feel happy) or fear based or thirdly.. FEAR OF PARENTS BASED! (not applicable to me though...although I sort of still do stuff just not to let them know how I really feel about religion)
- pleasure based religion is basically more or less someone going into their own fantasy world and believing everything is great, looking into things and ALLOWING themselves to make positive thoughts out of previously negative things because they allow themselves to do this IF AND ONLY IF they personally believe they have done something good, or gotten forgiveness, or become holy by doing some crap (and by crap it could be anything, but it just has to represent ANYTHING that feels to the person like a real important thing)
- fear based religion.. well it's very obviously a tactic to do "what you're supposed to do" but what you're supposed to do is very obviously go by a moral standard too high for anyone, even the most religious to uphold, and is TOTALLY impossible for anyone to attain. Fear based religion is how they recruit people to get afraid of crap that makes absolutely no freaking sense.
- you're a bad person cause you sin? You think cause you download mp3s that makes you a bad person? or movies? or games? Man, lemme tell you.. what do YOU think, cause that's all that matters. They'll still make their billions anyway, don't worry, and you don't have to go to a movie or buy a movie to feel morally superior or to do the right thing. Secondly, on this same subject.. you're not going into EB Games, grabbing a title, and running your ass off (or a music store, or etc...). You are taking a copy of something which was paid for, which whoever paid for it, probably got ripped off anyway -- don't tell me this ****** isn't overpriced, cause it is and always has been IMO.. ($70 for a single player game that I'll finish in 2 days, $15 a CD that I might get bored of quick, etc...)
- everyone has morals ANYWAY, and religion does not remind nor reflect nor do jack to change people
- religion does not make you moral, does not make you good, just makes you go around in a circle in order to believe you are
- religious people are NOT EXTREMELY GOOD PEOPLE! They are just people. They are assholes, and they are nice people, and they are weirdos you don't want to hang out with and should avoid like the plague (yes, admit it.. you find them super weird)
Most importantly and ABOVE ALL:
Only you can judge yourself. Are you an asshole, or a good person? Do you have a problem with it, yes or no? If you don't, then who the ****** cares. If you've been an asshole, wanna fix it? Well, fix it. But don't make religion fool you that you NEED to fix it. Did the person deserve what they got when you did such and such and would you do it again? if so, then maybe they deserved it.
If I was born in India, and I was born Hindu. I'd worship cows. If I was born in North America a Christian, I'd worship god and jesus. if I was born in ... as a ..., don't think that I wouldn't believe in the beliefs of my parents, etc..
95% of the population of the world believing in a higher power of any sort mean there is one? Or is it just easier to do that, and not go outside your box where you are safe and life is a movie where good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, cause that ain't reality, and it never will be.
I think many of you need to understand this. People are suffering delusions in MASS proportions. You are all crazy at the same time, therefore you find it creditable.
I want to note this: and it's more important than the above..
it wasn't the experience that turned me into an atheist
it was ALLOWING myself to see religion and being honest with myself about it. Everyone knows that Hindus believe in many gods, Buddhists believe in many gods, Christians believe, Jews believe, etc... well it was allowing myself to step out of my shoes and notice that if everyone had their own belief, and to everyone, their belief was not only true but would even maybe go on the defensive vs another.. then none of them can logically be real.
I have been to the extremes of religion I suppose you would say.
Fearing sin and not letting myself live my own life the way I wanted to, because some big dude over my head said it was bad and there was repercussions.
Doing things like:
- formatting a hard drive and getting rid of all my pirated software
- throwing out 20 burned DVDs with movies
- Not going into someones car because they MIGHT have mp3s on their mp3-cd player
I have to say, trying to conform to religion and to actually try to be 100% on the "right side" is not an easy thing, even slightly trying.
I prayed every day, feeling personal guilt if I didn't, just because I wanted to be at that level.
Living a life by fear - I would not let myself do anything because everything I wanted to do was either illegal, had the concept of me being in a situation which I had more control over (eg playing UT2004 with my brother who has paid for ut2004 but not for windows.. oh no, I can't do that, I'm contributing to his sin or letting him which was probably a sin in my mind)..
You might see a pattern here of doing things I didn't enjoy, didn't want to do, but was compelled to do only by some psychotic fear of hell or something like it.
Many people I know who were supportive people were trying to tell me this was bad, cause yes this is a psychotic thing (but imagine you actually fear hell to the point say.. any Christian priest would like you to -- not that my religion is Christianity, but for arguments sake let's say it can be similar)
thousand+ year old scriptures that told you be righteous, don't do this, don't do that..
if I didn't follow this sense of logic that applied maybe 1000 years ago, but BARELY today, I would go to hell and whatever.
Long story short, one day I snapped because this so-called religion wasn't bringing me food on my plate, wasn't making me happy. My prayers weren't answered unless I had faith in my prayers, so who was answering them, me or God?
I snapped, and hated everything to do with all this unwilling ******. If I let it win, I could never be happy.
A few months later, I really reflected and I learned:
- religion uses false positives to teach you negative stereotypes of average people
- religion is either extreme pleasure (eg, I go there to feel happy) or fear based or thirdly.. FEAR OF PARENTS BASED! (not applicable to me though...although I sort of still do stuff just not to let them know how I really feel about religion)
- pleasure based religion is basically more or less someone going into their own fantasy world and believing everything is great, looking into things and ALLOWING themselves to make positive thoughts out of previously negative things because they allow themselves to do this IF AND ONLY IF they personally believe they have done something good, or gotten forgiveness, or become holy by doing some crap (and by crap it could be anything, but it just has to represent ANYTHING that feels to the person like a real important thing)
- fear based religion.. well it's very obviously a tactic to do "what you're supposed to do" but what you're supposed to do is very obviously go by a moral standard too high for anyone, even the most religious to uphold, and is TOTALLY impossible for anyone to attain. Fear based religion is how they recruit people to get afraid of crap that makes absolutely no freaking sense.
- you're a bad person cause you sin? You think cause you download mp3s that makes you a bad person? or movies? or games? Man, lemme tell you.. what do YOU think, cause that's all that matters. They'll still make their billions anyway, don't worry, and you don't have to go to a movie or buy a movie to feel morally superior or to do the right thing. Secondly, on this same subject.. you're not going into EB Games, grabbing a title, and running your ass off (or a music store, or etc...). You are taking a copy of something which was paid for, which whoever paid for it, probably got ripped off anyway -- don't tell me this ****** isn't overpriced, cause it is and always has been IMO.. ($70 for a single player game that I'll finish in 2 days, $15 a CD that I might get bored of quick, etc...)
- everyone has morals ANYWAY, and religion does not remind nor reflect nor do jack to change people
- religion does not make you moral, does not make you good, just makes you go around in a circle in order to believe you are
- religious people are NOT EXTREMELY GOOD PEOPLE! They are just people. They are assholes, and they are nice people, and they are weirdos you don't want to hang out with and should avoid like the plague (yes, admit it.. you find them super weird)
Most importantly and ABOVE ALL:
Only you can judge yourself. Are you an asshole, or a good person? Do you have a problem with it, yes or no? If you don't, then who the ****** cares. If you've been an asshole, wanna fix it? Well, fix it. But don't make religion fool you that you NEED to fix it. Did the person deserve what they got when you did such and such and would you do it again? if so, then maybe they deserved it.
If I was born in India, and I was born Hindu. I'd worship cows. If I was born in North America a Christian, I'd worship god and jesus. if I was born in ... as a ..., don't think that I wouldn't believe in the beliefs of my parents, etc..
95% of the population of the world believing in a higher power of any sort mean there is one? Or is it just easier to do that, and not go outside your box where you are safe and life is a movie where good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, cause that ain't reality, and it never will be.
I think many of you need to understand this. People are suffering delusions in MASS proportions. You are all crazy at the same time, therefore you find it creditable.
I want to note this: and it's more important than the above..
it wasn't the experience that turned me into an atheist
it was ALLOWING myself to see religion and being honest with myself about it. Everyone knows that Hindus believe in many gods, Buddhists believe in many gods, Christians believe, Jews believe, etc... well it was allowing myself to step out of my shoes and notice that if everyone had their own belief, and to everyone, their belief was not only true but would even maybe go on the defensive vs another.. then none of them can logically be real.
Possibly stemming from your screwed-up grasp on logic. 
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