Humor: Risking backlash from the masses (and Brutuskend)!

conjur

No Lifer
Jun 7, 2001
58,686
3
0
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window
and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does
anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or
unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons, and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has
a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? ....... I think not..
 

ggavinmoss

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2001
4,798
1
0
Next thing you'll tell me is that I have to forward this to 5 people or some kid will die of kidney cancer. ;)

-geoff
 

conjur

No Lifer
Jun 7, 2001
58,686
3
0
Originally posted by: ggavinmoss
Next thing you'll tell me is that I have to forward this to 5 people or some kid will die of kidney cancer. ;)

-geoff

Curses!

Cut-n-paste failed me again!
 

KGB1

Platinum Member
Dec 29, 2001
2,998
0
0
mehh... hasnt anyone seen reservoir dogs? Mr Orange trying to carjack the lady and gets one in the stomach and ultimately has to shoot the b!tch.
 

sillymofo

Banned
Aug 11, 2003
5,817
2
0
Very analytical view of the issue. But I have never flipped off a female driver before, may be this information was somehow instilled in me...
 

squirrel dog

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
5,564
48
91
I havent flipped off a female driver ever,made the piece sign with my tongue between my fingers,but no flip off.
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
There is a flaw in that logic. You don't pass EVERY single car. Unless everyone else sits there while you buzz by on the shoulder, you will stay with the same group of cars for pretty much the whole way.
 

DurocShark

Lifer
Apr 18, 2001
15,708
5
56
Originally posted by: XZeroII
There is a flaw in that logic. You don't pass EVERY single car. Unless everyone else sits there while you buzz by on the shoulder, you will stay with the same group of cars for pretty much the whole way.

Overanalyzing... :p
 

Ameesh

Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
23,686
1
0
Originally posted by: XZeroII
There is a flaw in that logic. You don't pass EVERY single car. Unless everyone else sits there while you buzz by on the shoulder, you will stay with the same group of cars for pretty much the whole way.

get a life, it was joke man.
 

conjur

No Lifer
Jun 7, 2001
58,686
3
0
Originally posted by: Ameesh
Originally posted by: XZeroII
There is a flaw in that logic. You don't pass EVERY single car. Unless everyone else sits there while you buzz by on the shoulder, you will stay with the same group of cars for pretty much the whole way.

get a life, it was joke man.

Don't worry about it...XZeroII was always the one asking the teacher, "Aren't you going to give us homework tonight?"
 

DrPizza

Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Mar 5, 2001
49,601
167
111
www.slatebrookfarm.com
I've never flipped off a female driver... I alway hope that 1. she's cute. 2. She'll attempt to make it up to me... somehow.

Great joke