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How would you launder $900k back into your current lifestyle

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I'm thinking the way to go here would be to spend the money on something you could "discover" in your backyard. I'm not sure what that would be, obviously an old van gogh painting would be a terrible idea, but with a little research I bet you could come up with something to plant worth $750kish.
 
I would buy as much gold/jewelry as possible in cash. I would put it all in a safe. I would have my oldest relative put the chest in their will to give to me. I'd get it and be 'surprised' to find ~$900k in old/jelwery passed down through the family when they passed away some years later.
 
Originally posted by: jdoggg12
I would buy as much gold/jewelry as possible in cash. I would put it all in a safe. I would have my oldest relative put the chest in their will to give to me. I'd get it and be 'surprised' to find ~$900k in old/jelwery passed down through the family when they passed away some years later.
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Hello inheritance tax.
 
start a small business (actually run a business that ive been wanting to do)
and work the accting books to where it slowly looks like i'm making a shitload of revenue and make sure to pay myself out a lot...
sure it will be taxed...but i wouldnt use all of it...some would go for buying things in cash...like car, etc.
the rest would turn into legal money and i would have a prosperous business
 
Sell the house. Sell the car. Move to some Carribbean country that isn't a signer to any international banking treaties... Bermuda I think... Buy a nice 50' Catamaran for $300k or so. Find some nice island girl, sail around, fish and drink beer.
 
Originally posted by: OulOat
Originally posted by: jdoggg12
I would buy as much gold/jewelry as possible in cash. I would put it all in a safe. I would have my oldest relative put the chest in their will to give to me. I'd get it and be 'surprised' to find ~$900k in old/jelwery passed down through the family when they passed away some years later.
Click to expand...

Hello inheritance tax.
Click to expand...

At least it'll be legit from then on
 
it'd probably have to be a mixture of activities, smurfing, fake business, fake heirlooms, overseas accounts, etc.

I'd probably also buy some precious metals and hide it to protect against inflation.

 
I've given it some thought for a while.
I'd buy real estate with my credit. No extravagant use of the cash there.
start renting out some of the property, and flipping the choice properties.
Now is where the cash comes in.
Hire good casual workers with the cash. <'cashual workers'?😛>
Painters, tile guys, landscape, etc. Make the money on the flip, pay capital gains on that, lather rinse repeat till you have no more cash and a crapload of equity🙂
 
"sell" and "buy" a lot of stuff through e-bay as a business. Deposit it in the bank. Then at tax time you have receipts to show you ran a business and pay taxes on it. I mean, you can sell just about anything for any price. Just make sure your other account is always the high bidder and that you're "selling" items that are relatively high dollar items.
 
I have kids myself, but I was raised by my grandparents back in rural middle America, farm country. My grandparents didn't trust banks, they had a box under the bed where they kept their money. Lots of it, in cash. I know that many of their friends, also their age, also had a similar hiding place.

Every so often at a farm sale or estate auction, somebody would buy some random object and open it up to discover cash. The unwritten rule was that if you poked around thru the stuff BEFORE it was sold and found the money, you had to give it to the heirs; if you found it after you bought it, it was yours. If it was a bank sale you didn't have to give it to the bank, it was fun to watch that ratty sewing box get bid way up by two people who knew what was in it.

That's what this thread reminds me of. Some old farmer found a suitcase of cash, he'd know what to do with it. And a heck of a lot of the farming economy is cash/barter based, no worries about the authorities.
 
I would take out a bank loan and open a restaurant. Then increase reported sales (above actual sales) to turn it into taxed and legal cash. Then pay off the loan and invest the now legal money.

Simply paying everything in cash still leaves you open to trouble if for some reason you get audited. The IRS gets kinda suspicious if you are barely spending any of your reported income yet somehow all of your bills are being paid.
 
Originally posted by: Kev
I don't think any of the ideas in this thread would work, at least without risk of FPMITAP. Damn money laundering is hard.
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FPMITAP = Federal Pound-me-in-the-ass Prison
 
I would probably spend the money slowly on small thing like food, gas, restaurant food ..... It get used up eventually.
 
It really wouldn't be very hard, it would just require discretion.

I would start a business.

'Nuff said. 😉
 
I would start a business and use the cash to keep myself / the business afloat.

I would be paying lots of things in cash, and I would probably keep up my practice of withdrawing 100-200 bucks every two weeks or so from the bank.

Also: I'd imagine Craigslist would become my friend.


heh first thing I'd buy is this :
http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/jwl/379905069.html
I'd probably refer to it as the magic money clip for ****s and giggles.
 
Enlist the aid of a trusted conspirator.
One travels to switzerland for an extended vacation funded by cash.
e-bay aliases, with historical precedent
Mail the money inside consumer electronics, but nothing ridiculous.
900,000 in $100's ways a little under 20#s
With some precedent of an international e-bay alias it would probably not be checked.

People order and receive illegal medicines, cuban cigars, and mail drugs all the time.
 
Originally posted by: andybird
I'd start a business, something like a club night at an existing venue (hire the venue) and then what you do is even if your club is half empty, post results like it was completely rammed all night. With any luck your club would be breaking even at least, or making money anyway, so then this money is the sweetener on top. Once it's all laundered, say over the course of 3 years, you sell on the night club based on the last few years performance so they pay top dollar for it as well, then move to antigua, or thailand or somewhere and live off the interest. If the buyer wants to check out the club and your not expecting to be overly busy, you advertise it as free entry and free shooters or something so that the place is rammed when he visits!

You'd have to have some money in the bank to start with to cover the setup costs of the club, but once it's running you'd be laughing. (This could work with any business where 90% of the customers pay cash, or where it's not unusual that the business only takes cash, as long as the IRS never decided to pay you a visit when you're supposed to be busy but aren't)
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That'd be the last type of business I'd attempt to do that with - too close of scrutiny over the volume of liquor/beer you sell vs. how much you pay in taxes.

How about this: move to someplace where prostitution is legal (Nevada). Pretend that you're making $2000 a night. Deposit 10k each week. Or rather, figure out how much you can make a night so that you can get it into an investment as soon as possible while minimizing your income tax payments. Purchase lots of nice clothes for yourself and use them as a tax writeoff. 🙂

 
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