How would you describe the ideal parents?

[Wingznut]

Originally posted by: PigPig
but, i think ideal parent is a good friend to the kids rather than a "parent".......
so that your kids will tell you almost everything in their mind........

I couldn't agree less (with the first part). A parent is not a "friend" or a peer.

But yes, I agree that you want the kid to be able to approach you. But that comes from respect, not being a "pal."

 

[Scarpozzi]

The ideal parents to me would be 2 sexy (not butch) lesbians that were looking for a man to please them anytime they needed it....

(hey...you never said they had to be MY parents)

 

[xyion]

There is no one way to be a good parent; the children (unfortunately) will despise you for whatever you do. It?s a fact; I?ve seen it with several friends, each with a different style of parenting.

My suggestion? Try to mold them into the adults you would like them to be. Teach them morals, the difference between right and wrong, etc. I?m not going to say spoil them, and buy them cars and such, not because I don?t (and still don?t) have them, rather, would you like the next generation of people being spoiled (IMHO)? I mean if every parent did this, there would be a population of people who don?t know the value of a hard earned dollar. I learned the valued the hard way (I?ve been saving for a guitar for 4 years, and it?s not even an expensive one [and I'm 21 and a junior in college]!) This does not mean that I am going to give my children everything they want (out of spite if my parents). Give in a bit, sure, I know my parents did, and I know I will, however, be reasonable.

I know parents want to give children everything they (the parents) didn?t have (at least most that I have met), it?s only natural. However, in the end, you will see that the children have their own brains, and they will do what that want to do, no matter what you say. So hopefully you instill solid moral values from the start (and are not hypocritical). Make sure you trust them. Kids act tougher than they are, though (most of the time) they do what their parents tell them.

If you do this, you will have the best kids ever.

I promise.

Best of luck.

 

[MrCodeDude]

1. Homework and School
During Elementary School, it's fine to question your kid about homework and stuff. Make sure they do it and know what they're doing. But from Middle School on, do not bug them about homework or projects as long as they are producing decent grades.

2. Grades
Straight A's are almost impossible now. Unless you want your kid to be 100% dedicated to school and not have a social life past the Chess Club, I think a 3.0 - 3.5GPA is where you should set the line. And schools suck now, they don't give you a boost in GPA's for taking Honors and AP classes

3. Protectiveness
My friend, at the age of 16, still can barely cross the street by himself without his mom making sure no cars are coming. Like, you need to be protective and strict, but also give your kid some freedom.

4. Friends
My friends have not always been very bright, but they're not bad people. My friend isn't really stupid or anything, he has a 0.6GPA (3 D's, 2 F's), he's just lazy. All my other friends have 2.5's and better, but none are involved in drugs and such. So as long as their friends aren't junkies or junior criminals, don't judge your friends.

5. Communication
My friend's dad is very easy to talk to, he fools around with us and stuff and he's almost like another member of the group. My dad is different, he's half and half, but more parent. It all depends on who you are, if you stay active, fit and up to date you can probably be more of a friend than you could if you can't keep up with your kid. And with swears, you should allow it. Past the age of 12, you know almost all of them and their meanings. Sometimes they slip out and stuff. My parents are Right-Wing Conservatives so I still get half-lectures, half-punishments when I say ass. My mom went on my computer one day (because hers wasn't working or something) and she saw an Anandtech thread open. I used the word Damn and when I woke up, there was a letter on my screen saying, "I do not appreciate the language you use on the internet. Don't do it again or I'm taking your computer for a month." I seriously looked through all of my open threads and couldn't find anything until I finally asked her what word I used. It's kind of ironic though, because when she's mad she calls me the laziest asshole she's encountered in her life.

6. Emotional Problems and Etc.
I never went to my parents when I had problems, I always found out the answer online or something. I don't think I've had any serious problems though, so I can't speak from experience. But if there's one thing I don't want, is advice on how I should solve the problem the correct and decent way from my parents who usually end up spreading it to all their friends and such. Going online leaves you much more anonymous and such.

That's basically it, my parents are cool. I don't consider myself spoiled, but some may. I don't think I act like I'm spoiled and such. Usually if I find something I want for a pretty decent price, I usually get it. I don't really ask for much though and what I do ask for I usually end up selling here on the FS/FT forums or on eBay and make a profit. Only rule is I have to pay back the principle if I'm selling it.
-- mrcodedude

 

[MrCodeDude]

Oh yeah, make sure to get them involved in social activities when they're young. I played 4 sports when I was younger and that ended up helping me make friends in school and such. Be supportive of each sport too, my dad loves baseball and so did I, until I starting thinking it was boring. I was also playing soccer alongside of baseball, so I went soccer 100%. My dad stopped coming to soccer games and such, so my mom took me. I then started playing Hockey and Soccer, my dad seemed to like hockey so he drug me to lots of games and stayed there the whole time. Then I broke my arm and stopped playing. It's been like 3 years and I think my dad has finally given into me playing soccer.

I never noticed that until recently on how my dad would miss a lot of my sporting events after I quit baseball. Be supportive on whatever they decide to do, I don't think my dad ever realized that he was missing more and more on purpose, probably just his subconscience.
-- mrcodedude

 

[AznMaverick]

parents need to trust their children, at the same time know when to discipline them and constantly teach them right. parents shouldn't force their children too much, with anything. that's what i think.

edit: and i agree with everything that was said on the 2 above posts.

 

[Riprorin]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. There's some good advice here.

My kids are 6 and 9 and so far they're doing well. They are good students, have lots of friends, and are well liked by their teachers.

I know it can get more challenging though as they get older!

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Riprorin
I'm a parent myself and want to do the best job I can with my kids.

Since there are a lot of teenagers here, I'm curious how you would define ideal parents.

As a teenager, I thought my parents were square. They didn't get divorced, they didn't drink, they didn't smoke pot like some of my friends parents (including a doctor)... they were just good, solid people who were focused on raising healthy, educated, honest kids. We didn't go to church much... we did a little, but mostly my parents were just good examples of caring, hard working people and they wanted us to learn to be independent and think for ourselves.

Remember that the whole point of raising your children is to get them to the point where they can fly on their own, becoming reasonably successful according to their abilities.

With my kids, I am more involved in who their friends are. My parents were REALLY naive and never imagined I would get into some of the stuff I got into. I've made it a point to be more aware of what is going on, both in the world and in my children's lives.

So far, I am getting fairly good feedback from my teenage daughter, my teenage niece, and their friends. Seems I am someone they can talk to but also someone they look to for guidance, boundaries, etc.

The one thing that makes this possible is TIME. Structure your life so you have time to spend with your kids. DO things as a family... consider renting a cabin in a state park for a family vacation.

There is a book called "In The Shelter Of Each Other" by Mary Pipher. Get it, read it, and read it again! Her book "Reviving Ophelia" is also excellent. I have a book called "Raising Cain" about what boys have to deal with in society, but I haven't read it yet. "A Tribe Apart" by Patricia Hersch is also a MUST read.

Best of everything to you and your family!

Here's my favorite poem on Children (by Kahlil Gibran)

On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

[Bignate603]

Make sure they can make their own choices. My parents let me choose and I've turned ok, they're proud of me. I got into a top tier college, I'm doing well there, I have good amount of friends who encourage me in my choices. I'm active in my religion and am going to take some time off from school to go on a mission for it. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs and I've CHOSEN to do this of my OWN FREE WILL. I could do it, but yet I don't. I wasn't forced to, they did give me advice about it, but it was always my choice.