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How to write GOODER! The use of the English language...

Jalapeno

Senior member
Dec 26, 2000
991
10
81
Lately we had some threads about spelling, punctuation, upper/lower case typing, etc... Although I'm far from perfect in this regard, I try to improve my communication skills! Read this! ;)

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:



1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc...

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are not necessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. Be more or less specific.

15. Understatement is always best.

16. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be avoided.

20. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

21. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

22. Who needs rhetorical questions?
 

andylawcc

Lifer
Mar 9, 2000
18,183
3
81
doood.. thiz iz da last place I wanna use proper Englizh... you know man, writi'n peipa for English clazz is frustrating enuff yo... yaknowwhaI am say'ng.. me good in english alreadi, proper engulish is suck.


lol, this will certainly piss off my english teacher