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How to tell family to go screw.......

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Jeffg010 said:
The one thing that helped was I told my wife upfront your going to pay for the weeding because that is the traditional thing to do and she agreed.
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No her dad is supposed to pay - that's the tradition in the US. In chinese culture, it's the husband's side that pays (gee, no surprise). Modern times yes we do pay ourselves and it's usually the husband, or split 50/50. This is the first time I'm hearing the wife pays herself.
 
PingSpike said:
I recommend you accept all extra invitations. That way when you bar the door of the reception hall on the wedding day and burn the building down with them inside you'll ensure you get them all.
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Yes, but it's harder to make sure the in-laws are inside when it gets that crowded. #Firstworldproblems :awe:
 
Gibson486 said:
To all the young people out there, if you get married, just elope and skip the celebration and go on a honeymoon. I have no idea wtf is wrong with my mom's family. For my invites, I included a card that allows them to bring a certain number of guest. Two weeks after sending them out, my mom and I are getting phone calls about how they are offended that they are only allowd x numbet a guests. I put my foot down and said that is all the space I have. This has created a huge amount of drama. They want to bring the grand kids... Wtf... One family wanted to bring 9 people... I let them have 4 seats...they are pissed. Another family photo copied the rsvp card so they could bring 6 more people. This crap is going on with about 5 of the families. I have no I idea why my mom's family is like this, but I can start to see why I do not really talk to them. //end rant
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Ask them this, because I started to run into the problem with mine when I said "no kids."

"Are you paying for the wedding? Is this your wedding? No? Then shut up and deal with it. Come or don't come."

Actually solved the drama real quick. No exceptions to anyone. We had a blast at our wedding and most stayed until after the DJ had packed up and left.
 
FallenHero said:
Ask them this, because I started to run into the problem with mine when I said "no kids."

"Are you paying for the wedding? Is this your wedding? No? Then shut up and deal with it. Come or don't come."

Actually solved the drama real quick. No exceptions to anyone. We had a blast at our wedding and most stayed until after the DJ had packed up and left.
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I'll never understand why people want to bring kids to a wedding. It is one thing to have a kid as part of the wedding party, but do adults think their kids otherwise enjoy stuff like that?
 
seriously dude cancle the shit now and elope, take the loss of whatever downpayments you had to make and just go to the courthouse and pay the 100$ or whatever to get it done

have a big party later
 
The fiancee and I have settled on eloping as well. The hassle and expensive of a full ceremony is rather ridiculous.
 
Suck it up. Not worth burning family bridges over this shit. Everyone gets crazy around wedding time because people (incorrectly) view it as 'ranking' your favorite family members.

The sooner you realize this day isn't for you, the sooner you can start to not stress out about this type of shit.

You sent an invite. That is it. Period. You can tell them that *if* there is extra room because others don't them *then* you might be able to squeeze them in.
 
For ours we had set numbers for the ceremony and sit down meal bit, and just threw the doors open for the party and free bar afterwards.

I don't want to speak ill of your family but a bunch of them sound like arseholes. Its hard enough planning a wedding, its pretty much impossible if there's going to be a random number of people turning up.
 
paperfist said:
You don't want to get more presents and money that the additional throng will generate?
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Heh... That $50 Target gift card from Aunt Mabel isn't going to make you feel any better after you have to spend $600 at the reception hall for her family's seats and food.

Yep... been there, done that. There must have been a dozen people on my wife's side of the wedding that I've never met in person before, and probably never will again until someone on their side of the family dies. Grr.
 
rh71 said:
No her dad is supposed to pay - that's the tradition in the US. In chinese culture, it's the husband's side that pays (gee, no surprise). Modern times yes we do pay ourselves and it's usually the husband, or split 50/50. This is the first time I'm hearing the wife pays herself.
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Ya that is what I meant but her dad and mom are living off the government's dime. He was a Vietnam war vet and was living off the government because he is messed up mentally from it. And the mom some how was getting money too. The dad did not have the money to pay so it was up to her. He did buy her wedding dress. I told her straight out that if she wanted to elope we could but she was dead set on a traditional wedding.

The good thing is her side of the family never has asked for any money because if they did they won't like my answer.
 
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ultimatebob said:
It's true, though. I wanted to elope in Vegas, and my wife wanted the big white wedding. Guess who got what they wanted 🙂
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When we were planning our wedding, I told her that if I had to pay anything above what her parents allotted for it, I got a say in the wedding. It was amazing how the wedding magically planned itself after that. 😀
 
ultimatebob said:
Heh... That $50 Target gift card from Aunt Mabel isn't going to make you feel any better after you have to spend $600 at the reception hall for her family's seats and food.

Yep... been there, done that. There must have been a dozen people on my wife's side of the wedding that I've never met in person before, and probably never will again until someone on their side of the family dies. Grr.
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well hopefully if she's bringing a family she will have enough sense to give more than $50. I actually made back $18k after spending about $27k. Good return, had no idea how much to expect back, fun times. Looking back though, it is definitely crazy to spend so much on 1 event regardless.
 
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OutHouse said:
and makes people realize that that shit aint free.
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I have always wondered why people make such a big deal about bringing everyone they can. Do they just not care that weddings are expensive? And then let one event ruin family relationships for years? Ease up people - its not the end of the freakin world

Thats the only reason I can think my grandparents-in-law confirmed they were going to the reception but at the last minute decided not to because they decided they no longer wanted to go. At least their $5 wedding present check arrived. (Like that covered the cost per head we paid for them...)

Anyway OP - best of luck to you!
 
paperfist said:
You don't want to get more presents and money that the additional throng will generate?
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Screw this...it isn't a sliding scale...

I can recall to this day families (that I couldn't give a flying F) if they were invited to my wedding...that my wife included...

Family of 5

Cost to feed: 125 dollars (not counting what they scarfed down during the open bar)

Cost of gift from them: 15 dollar blender from Walmart that we later found out was SO damn old it wasn't even in their system...it was an ancient re-gift...

Basically tossed it in the trash because it was a POS


My advice would be to cancel the ceremony and go to Vegas...have a great time and have a small reception later for those you care able...save big time!
 
leeland said:
Screw this...it isn't a sliding scale...

I can recall to this day families (that I couldn't give a flying F) if they were invited to my wedding...that my wife included...

Family of 5

Cost to feed: 125 dollars (not counting what they scarfed down during the open bar)

Cost of gift from them: 15 dollar blender from Walmart that we later found out was SO damn old it wasn't even in their system...it was an ancient re-gift...

Basically tossed it in the trash because it was a POS


My advice would be to cancel the ceremony and go to Vegas...have a great time and have a small reception later for those you care able...save big time!
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My wife and I went to a wedding last September and I couldn't believe the trash that showed up. There was this family of white trash rednecks that showed up wearing shorts, t-shirts, camo, etc. and they were loud and rude. So when the reception came, we were at table #6 and they were at table #9; the number of the table indicated when you got to go up to the buffet. The white trash dad came over and switched numbers with us. I thought he was doing it to be funny, but he kept the numbers switched.

Had it not been a wedding, I probably would've put my foot in his ass. The moral of the story, folks, is that there are three types of people:

1. People who hate weddings
2. People who go for a free meal
3. The people getting married
 
That's rude. If they don't like it, tell your mom to tell them they don't have to come. These people obviously don't know how much weddings cost. After you include the sometimes outrageous service charges that places catering a wedding charge (mine was 21%), plus all the alcohol if you have an open bar, the cost of one guest goes through the roof.
 
IndyColtsFan said:
Wow, and I thought my wife's brother and his wife were being super cheapasses for just giving us $50.
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Heh - every year we look forward to our christmas present of a similar $5 check. At first I was a little insulted they didn't increase the amount they gave us since I joined the family (my wife always got $5) but now I just laugh and move on

IndyColtsFan said:
1. People who hate weddings
2. People who go for a free meal
3. The people getting married
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Hey - there might be a small number of people there out of love/support/friendship and will have a good time. Say 7.8634%?
 
I can't believe you aren't bending to other people's wishes on YOUR wedding day!

/sarcasm

I feel for you though OP, I wen't through it a year ago, my wife was in tears most of the time. We almost called the whole thing off and eloped.
 
I got married in Nov. Paid the 40$ to have it all done in the family court room. Best decision ever. I treated the 10 guests to a nice dinner afterwards, and saved 30k$.

Not to mention, we still got a ton of cash from the extended family even though there wasn't a reception. So, not only did we save money, it was profitable! 😀

Good luck!
 
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