How to rapture-proof your house?

[Schadenfreude]

I was caught unawares the last time it happened, but not this time. I've got 3 days' time to prepare for the rapture. Any suggestions on how to prepare for the coming of zombie Christ (possibly riding a raptor)? Flamethrowers? Spikes? A tub of spaghetti?

All opinions will be listened to and evaluated accordingly. How are you guys preparing for the upcoming rapturrin'?

 

[Anubis]

not believing in that bullshit works very well

 

[waggy]

plastic. wrap the whole house in plastic. make it as air tight as you can. Then stay inside from now until rapture.

you will safe.

 

[IGemini]

"Prophets" should only get one crack at guessing the end of times and be taken seriously. This is number 4 from this guy. Fuck that noise.

 

[Schadenfreude]

not believing in that bullshit works very well

Putting your head into the sand and hoping zombie Jesus riding a Raptor busting down your door and rapturing' your ass is a losing proposition my friend. Me, I'd like to get ready myself.

plastic. wrap the whole house in plastic. make it as air tight as you can. Then stay inside from now until rapture.

you will safe.

Since the house is too big to wrap in plastic effectively, can I just wrap the plastic around my head? Would that work as well?

 

[Oil]

It doesn't matter if you rapture proof it or not. Some thieves are gonna come along and steal your whole house either way

 

[waggy]

Putting your head into the sand and hoping zombie Jesus riding a Raptor busting down your door and rapturing' your ass is a losing proposition my friend. Me, I'd like to get ready myself.



Since the house is too big to wrap in plastic effectively, can I just wrap the plastic around my head? Would that work as well?

hmm. no that won't work.

I got it.

a) sell the house.

B) send me the money.

c) buy a 1 way ticket to canada. it's been proven God hates canada so don't worry about the rapture.

 

[TakeNoPrisoners]

You don't.

 

[sandorski]

"Prophets" should only get one crack at guessing the end of times and be taken seriously. This is number 4 from this guy. Fuck that noise.

In Old Testament times, this dude would have been Stoned to Death the first time.

 

[Schadenfroh]

In Old Testament times, this dude would have been Stoned to Death the first time.

Indeed, one false prediction = very bad for your health.

 

[gevorg]

Get these for your bunker for $3500 a pop:

http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product...rodid=11613699

 

[Schadenfreude]

It doesn't matter if you rapture proof it or not. Some thieves are gonna come along and steal your whole house either way

Hmm, do you think wrapping plastic around the house would deter or encourage thieves from stealing the entire house?

hmm. no that won't work.

I got it.

a) sell the house.

B) send me the money.

c) buy a 1 way ticket to canada. it's been proven God hates canada so don't worry about the rapture.

I'm convinced; what do I have to lose?

 

[waggy]

Hmm, do you think wrapping plastic around the house would deter or encourage thieves from stealing the entire house?



I'm convinced; what do I have to lose?

nothing. I will hold the money. IF the rapture does not happen then i will return* it!




*minus 99.999% handling fee.

 

[zinfamous]

lamb's blood, obviously.

 

[zinfamous]

"Prophets" should only get one crack at guessing the end of times and be taken seriously. This is number 4 from this guy. Fuck that noise.

I agree. we need to start funding more reliable rapture prognosticators.

 

[Oil]

Hmm, do you think wrapping plastic around the house would deter or encourage thieves from stealing the entire house?

Plastic should encourage thieves; tinfoil would deter them :thumbsup:

 

[Schadenfreude]

Plastic should encourage thieves; tinfoil would deter them :thumbsup:

But I hear Raptors like shiny things.

Now I'm in a dilemma.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Only Zombie Max Ammo from Hornady can kill raptor riding zombie jesus. Everyone knows this.

http://www.hornady.com/ammunition/zombiemax

 

[zinfamous]

Plastic should encourage thieves; tinfoil would deter them :thumbsup:

wrapping it in plastic just makes it easier to steal the entire house at once.

 

[DaveSimmons]

I understand from watching the CW that one kind of silver dagger works well against angels, and there are also signs that you can scrawl on the wall in your own blood.

Try the blood scrawls, it can't hurt to be prepared!

 

[Schadenfreude]

I understand from watching the CW that one kind of silver dagger works well against angels, and there are also signs that you can scrawl on the wall in your own blood.

Try the blood scrawls, it can't hurt to be prepared!

Now should the blood be scrawled on the walls, or can it be on the foil/plastic covering the walls itself? I know you can't cut corners when preparing for the rapture, but it would sure make the cleanup a lot easier.

 

[waggy]

wrapping it in plastic just makes it easier to steal the entire house at once.

no no. you wrap it in thick plastic and they can't get in. Also say instead of the "rapture" God decides to flood the world again? a properly wrapped house useing "waggy's rapture house wrap*" will cause the house to float as a boat.

you will be safe.




* $999,999.00 no warranty

 

[Red Squirrel]

Take any RFID chip, write the number 666 using non toxic marker, make a cut in your forehead and insert it under the skin, then bandage it. Should be good to go. It's you that has to be rapture proof, and not the house.

In all seriousness, even the Bible says nobody knows. It only says when it will get as bad as Noah's time, but we don't really know exactly just how bad it really was then. So this so called prophet is just making the rest of us look like extremist retards and should just go back in his hole and read his Bible.

Personally I see the rapture happening at a time where things will be so bad that today's Detroit 'hood would be considered a holy place.

 

[zinfamous]

no no. you wrap it in thick plastic and they can't get in. Also say instead of the "rapture" God decides to flood the world again? a properly wrapped house useing "waggy's rapture house wrap*" will cause the house to float as a boat.

you will be safe.




* $999,999.00 no warranty

they don't need to get in the house to steal it. wrapping it all in thick, tight plastic makes it easier to load it all up on a big flatbed truck and drive it away.

 

[waggy]

they don't need to get in the house to steal it. wrapping it all in thick, tight plastic makes it easier to load it all up on a big flatbed truck and drive it away.

big deal. he will be safe in his rapture proof house. nobody is getting in from angels to thief's.